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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,605
10 1,403 hugs
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#1
Happened yesterday and was quite a sudden thing. She and my wife's brother separated some time back and contact has been a mess, especially with regards to our nieces and nephews who were put into care due to a drama that a soap opera would be proud of.
Anyway, I never had a problem with her and we were on good talking terms before it all became estranged. We only found out last week she was in palliative care due to cancer. I had been keen to establish contact when we found out if at the very least to show that she was cared about, which she was... but my wife felt it would be a bad idea. I have autism, so perhaps the social context here is just lost on me. I just know I do find it hard when someone who at least at some stage was close passes away... I keep going over memories and conversations I can't have with that person and that a moment was lost in which to at least say goodbye. Guess I needed to write this out somewhere. __________________ Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK |
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CalMSW, CANDC, Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, Rohag, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,475 hugs
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#2
Dear ToeJam,
Oh, that is so heartbreaking! I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Wish I knew what to say that would help. My heart goes out to you! Sincerely yours, Yao Wen |
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ToeJam
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,840
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#3
I lost my sister in law this year too, under similar circumstances - not having a chance to say goodbye, not really knowing why.
Ya know, we wear our hearts and our weaknesses on our sleeves. Other people may choose to keep them hidden. |
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CalMSW
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ToeJam
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,325
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#4
It's hard not being able to say goodbye. I'm so sorry
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ToeJam
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,396
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#5
Toejam, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a difficult situation to start with and SIL passing may make it more confused.
I am not sure what your partner is thinking about. Maybe they fear being drawn into the confusion or that you may get hurt by SIL's possible reply if they are angry. Are there other family members you could reach out to for a second opinion if you should visit SIL? I am here if you wish to pm me or tag me on your reply @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Fuzzybear
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ToeJam, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,605
10 1,403 hugs
given |
#6
Thank you all for your kind replies. With the covid situation, it transpires that only her children will be attending the funeral (max of six gathering, not sure if this applies elsewhere in the world). And rightly so, they deserve to say goodbye to their mother.
__________________ Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK |
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CANDC, unaluna
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,396
(SuperPoster!)
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#7
Toejam. Sorry for your loss.
That makes sense in Covid times. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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ToeJam
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