On one hand, there are values from my parents. On the other hand, those values are wrong for our survival. On the third hand, I am struggling. On the fourth hand, it's because I want to do better in life

My definition of better - independence, financial wellness (meaning I want to earn well while not suffering while doing so)

[MickeyCheeky]

What are these "values" you're speaking of?

You have a lot of hands! I see it as a good thing that you realize you want to do better and feel better and that maybe the values you currently have are not helping you. What values do you want? and yes, I echo Mickey, what values do you already have that you want to discard?

[Patagonia]

Maybe it would help to know where your parents got their values from.

I’ve come to realize my parents values, that I too had, were heavily steeped in religion & morality. Such as make a good decision or there will be punishment for it.
To me, everything in life revolved around whether I was living according to these rules. And would probably die by these rules which now I don’t accept.
I now try to live according to my own principles & how I define them which I find more difficult then standard rules.
Not sure that makes sense.

When I think of 'values' I don't think of independence or financial wellness.

Values in my opinion are about things you stand by. These are your answers to such things as morality and ethics. What do you expect out of other people. What things do you consider to be right and wrong.

For some people putting family first might be a value. To others it might be treating all people as equal. To someone else it may be have a good work ethic.

On the contrary I would describe independence and financial wellness as 'ends'.

It's hard to develop strong values when you come from a family which is quite socially isolated. Even in therapy, values are biased to the therapist.
I believe I have great power within me, but it has been shoved inside me and not let out. It includes undealt-with gut feelings and angry feelings, too.
For example, one person would passive-aggressively attack me, I'd feel it in the gut and not respond to it

My values are my goals, where I want to see myself. I want to create values which will lead me to my goals. Everything for the goals

On the contrary, values are about your place in the world and how you relate to it. I think you are confusing values with goals. It is very good to have them but they are not values. They are not the rules you live by. Financial independence for oneself is a good goal to have but valuing financial independence is... well, it is rather closed minded of an entire host of people. Isn't it a tad bit exclusionist? It seems rather sad. I just want to make it clear the difference between the two.

By example:

I value equal rights and equal opportunity for all. Two of my goals are to find an enriching job and financial stability.

I lost my values. Some people stomped on them. And sometimes it’s just about how would those values help in the future, particularly if they were so easily destroyed?

I really don't wish to be so condescending but we seem to be at a crossroads here. Values are never lost. You always have them. Goals can be changed and influenced. I ask you what then do you consider your goals are and perhaps it is these which we can address.

Not condescending at all.
I have already stated my goals, but I appear to have more goals accumulating, such as experiences with people I know, but I still have idealistic goals such as being corporately successful and perhaps broadcast my musical potential, which is nothing but potential right now. The potential is in the muse.
The desire to broadcast music comes from a need to express myself.

But as for my values, can you elaborate on why values as you say, are innate and unchanged? Why I ask is because values are environmental as it seems, such as equal rights being a political pattern

https://www.reference.com/world-view...60c0b1f30ded9#

Personal Values: Definition: Personal Values

Values are at your core. They for you are at the heart of your morals, ethics, and how you carry yourself. They are unchanging where as goals are reformulated from time to time and are a reflection of our wants and needs. Wants are not values. Your stances on things are.

You mentioned my example of a belief in equal rights for all as a political choice and not a value. Yes they are connect but I think you have it backwards. My political choices are based on my values and not vice versa as it seems you have suggested.

**** goals can be achieved, values simply exist ****

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Values are at your core. They for you are at the heart of your morals, ethics, and how you carry yourself. They are unchanging where as goals are reformulated from time to time and are a reflection of our wants and needs. Wants are not values. Your stances on things are.

You mentioned my example of a belief in equal rights for all as a political choice and not a value. Yes they are connect but I think you have it backwards. My political choices are based on my values and not vice versa as it seems you have suggested.

**** goals can be achieved, values simply exist ****

You said you value equal rights, as if they are a value

[Patagonia]

I feel your values can change. I’m not sure they’re innate. Goals can also change.

You want financial freedom. What values will you tolerate to achieve this? You won’t steal perhaps, so you value honesty.
But our values I feel are constantly put to the test & reshaped.
I would not steal for wealth, but if it’s to save the life of my child, yes I’d steal. So I feel there is a spectrum to our values, not just black & white.
Some things I really valued 20 yrs ago hold no value for me now.

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I feel your values can change. I’m not sure they’re innate. Goals can also change.

You want financial freedom. What values will you tolerate to achieve this? You won’t steal perhaps, so you value honesty.
But our values I feel are constantly put to the test & reshaped.
I would not steal for wealth, but if it’s to save the life of my child, yes I’d steal. So I feel there is a spectrum to our values, not just black & white.
Some things I really valued 20 yrs ago hold no value for me now.

I agree with this. We all value honesty, justice, peace and love. The question is what it takes to earn them, because wanting it is apparently not enough - you have to fight for it