advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
BettysGranddaughter
Member
 
BettysGranddaughter's Avatar
BettysGranddaughter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
5 yr Member
95 hugs
given
Default Aug 17, 2018 at 02:58 PM
  #1
Hi all,

I wanted to see if anyone else could relate to this. Is anyone afraid to get better?

I have done a lot of work these past years - one-on-one counseling with a psychologist, medication, group therapy, and on and on... I feel like I am almost where I want to be.

But I am afraid of being happy. And I don't know why.

Maybe because I'm not used to it? Or because if I am "better" I really won't belong with my family at all? I really can't pinpoint what it is.

Can anyone else relate?
BettysGranddaughter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Miryuiki, Skeezyks

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Aug 18, 2018 at 12:59 PM
  #2
Well... I don't know if I can relate to this in particular. But then I've never done all of the stuff you've done in an effort to heal. For me, at this point, it simply doesn't feel worth the effort. Plus I seriously doubt it's even possible. Some things simply are what they are. And then also there's the question of what would it look like if I did "get better". I can't really fathom what that would look like. So, all-in-all, I don't know if you would call that being afraid... or just too worn down to care. Either way that's the way it is for me.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
BettysGranddaughter
Member
 
BettysGranddaughter's Avatar
BettysGranddaughter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
5 yr Member
95 hugs
given
Default Aug 18, 2018 at 03:13 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... I don't know if I can relate to this in particular. But then I've never done all of the stuff you've done in an effort to heal. For me, at this point, it simply doesn't feel worth the effort. Plus I seriously doubt it's even possible. Some things simply are what they are. And then also there's the question of what would it look like if I did "get better". I can't really fathom what that would look like. So, all-in-all, I don't know if you would call that being afraid... or just too worn down to care. Either way that's the way it is for me.

Yeah, I know what you mean about not even knowing what "better" would look like. Never having had it modeled by people around me, really, it just feels different and weird! I think it's definitely possible, though, for myself and for you as well!
BettysGranddaughter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Skeezyks
ShadowGX
Poohbah
 
ShadowGX's Avatar
ShadowGX is rawr
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 1,114
5 yr Member
754 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 19, 2018 at 06:05 AM
  #4
For me I've found that I'm afraid to get better in some way because I'm afraid that it would only be temporary and whatever made me happy would go away and I might be right back where I started or worse off.

__________________
ShadowGX is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Miryuiki
BettysGranddaughter
Member
 
BettysGranddaughter's Avatar
BettysGranddaughter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
5 yr Member
95 hugs
given
Default Aug 19, 2018 at 10:09 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowGX View Post
For me I've found that I'm afraid to get better in some way because I'm afraid that it would only be temporary and whatever made me happy would go away and I might be right back where I started or worse off.

I definitely have that fear too, that if I don't keep "control" I'll go right back to my lowest point. It's hard to have faith in myself...
BettysGranddaughter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
ShadowGX
Hopeofreedom
Member
 
Hopeofreedom's Avatar
Hopeofreedom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 130
5 yr Member
Default Sep 12, 2018 at 08:31 AM
  #6
I as well. I've had depression on and off. When meds would work for a bit then stop.

But my main problem is dealing with all the destruction of my life when the cloud actually lifts. Like where do I start to fix all the neglect if my goals and relationships and other things I didn't even think about or was aware of when I was sick.

It was so overwhelming! Part if me just wanted to deslove back into the darkness and not worry about it.

I was lucky to be in therapy during allot of those brief times. Definitely had to take some anxiety meds though when I was healthy just to cope.
Hopeofreedom is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
BettysGranddaughter
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sep 12, 2018 at 08:53 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by BettysGranddaughter View Post
Hi all,

I wanted to see if anyone else could relate to this. Is anyone afraid to get better?

I have done a lot of work these past years - one-on-one counseling with a psychologist, medication, group therapy, and on and on... I feel like I am almost where I want to be.

But I am afraid of being happy. And I don't know why.

Maybe because I'm not used to it? Or because if I am "better" I really won't belong with my family at all? I really can't pinpoint what it is.

Can anyone else relate?


the thing I am afraid of most about getting better is,

what would I do with myself?

if I woke up tomorrow mental illness free, what the **** would I do with myself?

it's not like I've got any plans to fall back on or any qualifications, or indeed any family/ friend support, I've had mental health problems since I was 9- and my life's been built around that as it were.

I've barely had any experiences of people half my age... I would be so scared
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
BettysGranddaughter
Anonymous32451
Guest
Anonymous32451 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sep 12, 2018 at 08:56 AM
  #8
to add to it, it would be like

so here it is, you're mental illness free, your life is as before you were diagnosed- now what will you do?

last time I remember being mental illness free I was ****ing 8

just an innocent child
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
BettysGranddaughter
Member
 
BettysGranddaughter's Avatar
BettysGranddaughter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
5 yr Member
95 hugs
given
Default Sep 13, 2018 at 11:35 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
the thing I am afraid of most about getting better is,

what would I do with myself?

if I woke up tomorrow mental illness free, what the **** would I do with myself?

it's not like I've got any plans to fall back on or any qualifications, or indeed any family/ friend support, I've had mental health problems since I was 9- and my life's been built around that as it were.

I've barely had any experiences of people half my age... I would be so scared

LOL, right??? Exactly! I'm supposed to be "normal"? I imagine myself having to decline all these party invitations or something

Plus, I'd have all this extra time if I wasn't in my own head so much.
BettysGranddaughter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
BettysGranddaughter
Member
 
BettysGranddaughter's Avatar
BettysGranddaughter has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: San Diego
Posts: 53
5 yr Member
95 hugs
given
Default Sep 13, 2018 at 11:39 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeofreedom View Post
I as well. I've had depression on and off. When meds would work for a bit then stop.

But my main problem is dealing with all the destruction of my life when the cloud actually lifts. Like where do I start to fix all the neglect if my goals and relationships and other things I didn't even think about or was aware of when I was sick.

It was so overwhelming! Part if me just wanted to deslove back into the darkness and not worry about it.

I was lucky to be in therapy during allot of those brief times. Definitely had to take some anxiety meds though when I was healthy just to cope.


Do you think the problems that you "neglected" during down periods really are so serious, or that you just imagine them to be? I tend to catastrophize everything and imagine problems are bigger than they actually are.
BettysGranddaughter is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
WpgMom
Member
WpgMom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2018
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 48
5 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default Sep 17, 2018 at 04:18 PM
  #11
I think a lot of us can relate. I think humans always become comfortable with the status quo. The unknown is always scary (and scary is a whole different level with mental illness). Depression in particular has an aspect of comfort. It's hard to describe to others but I always think of anxiety as the active side (where you are actively afraid of what might happen) but depression is the point where everything is so bad it can't get worse. There is a strange comfort in knowing that there is absolutely nothing that could be worse.
WpgMom is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
BettysGranddaughter
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:08 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.