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Old 07-30-2019, 06:46 AM   #1
Stuck1nhead
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Default Worried about reverting

Iíve realized the errors in my ways and want to change. But it never feels like the desire to change is strong enough to spark a reaction. This has been a constant struggle in my life. Whether itís wanting to learn something new, loose weight (Iím morbidly obese), or change old mental habits. I just canít seem to change. The desire is there and I do make a change for a little bit. But surely enough I revert to my old ways and effectively start off at square one again. Iím not gaining any ground. Whether I lose weight I always gain it back. I give up if something Iím trying to learn if doesnít click right away. I start to put up barriers even though I just got rid of them. This is maddening to me. I must be doing something wrong.
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Old 07-30-2019, 07:05 AM   #2
childofchaos831
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

Change is scary. We unconsciously "run" from that change, sometimes. Even though we want to change, we are comfortable where we are, too. When we start to make changes, things get scary and new, and we don't know what to do with the feelings we are having around the changes we are making. So we unconsciously go back to what we know... I do it too. I know I do it. I've tried to find ways to stop myself from reverting back to what I know, and I haven't really found them yet.
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:04 AM   #3
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

To a certain extent, I do this too. I find it helpful to ask what I gain from going back to my old ways. In my case, I wanted to go back to drinking because it numbed my feelings. So from there, I figured out that my real problem is I want an easy way to not feel pain. I can find a solution for that that doesn't make me revert to old ways.

Do you think you lack willpower or self control? If you look online there are YouTube videos and articles that help people gain better willpower. I think what aids a person in changing is being kind of stubborn and sticking to it.

I want to remind you that it does take time to change as well. Many, many people fall off the wagon and go to square one. You're not alone in this. If you have setbacks, that doesn't mean you never made progress. Just seeing your issues and knowing you need to change is progress by itself.
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Old 07-30-2019, 10:05 AM   #4
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

Oh, how much I can relate, @Stuck1nhead! .sadhug: Change is hard. I struggle with it as well. You're not alone. I can't really tell you what helped me because the truth is that I'm struggling with this right now. Perhaps a good suggestion, like @KD1980 has said, is to remind yourself WHY you're doing what you're doing. Sometimes we're so caught up in it that we forget the reasons why we're doing it. For example, if you want to lose weight, and you're following a diet, a good thing to do is to remind yourself every day that you're doing this for your own physical health and the reasons why you're doing it. I'm sure there are plenty of books and articles about will and patience as well. I'm so sorry I can't help you more Feel free to hit me up anytime, my dear, sweet friend! Don't you EVER give up! Keep fighting and keep rocking! Sending many safe, sweet, warm and WONDERFUL hugs to BOTH you and your Wife, Stuck1nhead!
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Old 08-05-2019, 12:30 PM   #5
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

First...please be easy on yourself. I don't know a single person, never met one, who has an easy time with change. Even if it's a positive change.


I do not believe in "lazy", I do believe that lack of ability to change indicates a sense of depression and being discouraged.


I want to say that you are so courageous to open up about your difficulty with making lasting changes.
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Old 08-05-2019, 01:14 PM   #6
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

You have explained to us in other threads that you are dealing with a number of issues. I think its important to prioritize your goals and to some degree tackle them one step at a time.Yes, for the sake of your health you can build healthy eating and exercise into your daily routine (your wife would have to join you on the eating plan most likely, but healthy eating is good for everyone).I have found that for me aerobic exercise (not a moderate stroll tho any excercise is good)is necessary for weight loss and it is mandatory for dealing with/preventing depression. Healthy eating doesnít mean you have to get a diet booklet and follow particular recipes. Just cut way down on carbs and eat tons of veggies,fruits, skinned poultry and fish. Avoid red meat or trim,drain the fat off it. Try to fill half your plate w vegetables. There are very low cal treats available,like 40 calorie fudge popsicles. Start reading labelsólook at the calorie counts on boxes. If you are a novice w nutrition, look at the weight watchers program. They are calling overweight the new smoking so your on the right track, and you DONT want to get or aggravate diabetes,not to mention all the other weight related problems.
Try to break things down , prioritize, and set achievable goals in steps so you dont feel overwhelmed and feel like giving up. Reward your self for reaching goals, something you and your wife enjoy for sticking to your exercise routine or losing a few pounds or whatever.
Your resolve to change is the most important thing as other posters have said. Weíre with you!!!!Hugs.
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Old 08-05-2019, 02:48 PM   #7
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

Habits and addictions are never easy to change. I have found that most of my "bad" habits are similar to my alcoholism. I had to suffer pain and consequence in order to change. I reached the 300lb mark in 2009 when I was 34. I was getting embarrassed and suffering health issues. I didnt want to feel like I was hiding in the wrong body. I went through a 6 month process in order to qualify for roux-n-y gastric bypass which included proper psychiatric care and medication. I lost all but 15lbs of the weight and have kept it off for 10 years but that is because the surgery is a tool not a fix. I have to follow a clean eating plan in order to maintain. The surgery just made portion control easier and changed the way I absorbed food. It also depends on how badly you want to stop something and to thine own self be true. I say I want to stop smoking but seriously I do not think I want to that much because of the addiction and because of how much I like it and use it as a coping skill. I have suffered no ill effects from it yet or physical setbacks so there is no pain or consequence. In order for me to stop I need to want to more than I want to smoke and I am just not there yet.
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Old 08-05-2019, 03:47 PM   #8
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Default Re: Worried about reverting

Sarah, preparing for the weight loss surgery and maintaining has taken so much strength. That and your path in beating other addiction makes you the true Wonder Woman and a huge inspiration on this site.
I had to get my husband off smoking because he has diabetes. Chantix used with Wellbutrin finally did the trick. When youíre ready, that would be the Triple Crown for you, girl!!!

Original poster, let us know how you have decided to proceed. Weíre in your corner!
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