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Old 01-12-2020, 10:14 AM   #1
walkingby
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Default I can't leave home

Hi,

Since I started working night shift daily- 2 years ago - I completely stop going out.

I walk the dog 4 times a day, one of this walks is a long one, and my only social time is with my dog owner friend. That's it. And the rest of the walks are boring, I just want to go back home.

No more going to the beach in the summer, no more sports, no more nothing. I imagine, I plan trips, swimming, this and that...and I don't go.

My days are short and I have ZERO energy to be with anyone or do anything. My day off I sleep and stay home. Reading, learning.

I can't seem to find what exactly is blocking me.
I don't know if it's anxiety for spending money on myself, or anxiety because I have to get ready to go to work and I can't relax, discomfort for doing things alone, simply lack of quality sleep...

I'm using hypnosis for fighting agoraphobia, enjoy outdoors, crave exercise, fight social anxiety, be more productive and even frequency sounds to get more energy.

Still, nothing. I wake up and feel like crap.

When I worked a week in a daytime shift I slept all night for 7 days and I had lots of energy, I organized my goals, I worked on each of them.
By noon, I had already done lots of things. All indoors things but those were the first things of my list of goals and to dos.

Then I went back to the night shift and I can't even do stretches...it's daunting...I feel so drained, blocked, imprisoned. I want to be quiet. Alone, safe, comfortable and quiet.

Any strategies? Recommended books, videos, articles about this?

I have a sleep routine, I eat well. And sometimes I can feel the kick to exercise, but it's not everyday. And I just can't see myself going anywhere.

thank you
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Old 01-12-2020, 07:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: I can't leave home

As an update,
after writing this, I went outside to walk the dog and I felt so annoyed with this blockage, so so annoyed - what is wrong with me?! I refuse to spend another day (off) at home doing nothing! -I looked at my dog... saw those pretty eyes so resigned to walk the same walk again and I just said enough! Let's go, dog, let's go to the beach. I went inside to get my things. Did it fast before I regretted and the momentum was gone. And to my overthinking I said "screw you!". I have money, I have gas, I have time, if I get there and it's dark, then I come home, but I'm going, if it's crowded and I can't go with the dog, I go for a walk around, whatever. I'll just go.
I did. My dog loved it, it was great. I felt so proud! And I proved myself that it isn't hard. It doesn't take that much energy. And it warmed me up to go back.
I guess I was falling in the habit of not going. And forgot how relaxing actually is.
Was it a temporary burst of energy? Hope not.
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Old 01-13-2020, 01:37 AM   #3
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Default Re: I can't leave home

It takes a lot to work 3rd shift and it does mess with your internal clock which (in my experience) affects motivation and energy. Plus it's hard to break routine. I know when I get in a rut of not going out then it gets harder and harder to leave my house. So I force myself out for lunch with friends or even just to go to the grocery store. It helps but then I fall back into old habits. Good luck to you and establishing a new routine.

You might check out Shift Work Disorder. It can also affect motivation and energy.
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Old 01-13-2020, 02:11 AM   #4
walkingby
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Default Re: I can't leave home

Yeah, I'm afraid today I may just have had a burst of energy. I'll try to use this experience as a reminder for the other activities.

I will read more about the shift work disorder. I need to fight this, because nowhere in the near future I will change to another shift. And I can't live like this. It's ridiculous.


Thank you
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Old 01-13-2020, 03:00 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by walkingby View Post
As an update,
after writing this, I went outside to walk the dog and I felt so annoyed with this blockage, so so annoyed - what is wrong with me?! I refuse to spend another day (off) at home doing nothing! -I looked at my dog... saw those pretty eyes so resigned to walk the same walk again and I just said enough! Let's go, dog, let's go to the beach. I went inside to get my things. Did it fast before I regretted and the momentum was gone. And to my overthinking I said "screw you!". I have money, I have gas, I have time, if I get there and it's dark, then I come home, but I'm going, if it's crowded and I can't go with the dog, I go for a walk around, whatever. I'll just go.
I did. My dog loved it, it was great. I felt so proud! And I proved myself that it isn't hard. It doesn't take that much energy. And it warmed me up to go back.
I guess I was falling in the habit of not going. And forgot how relaxing actually is.
Was it a temporary burst of energy? Hope not.
My father was fond of saying: "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it." (I think he learned it in the army during WWII.) I've been on a variety of different psych med's here-&-there over the years. And I've tried seeing a few therapists. But the reality is neither psych med's nor therapy can "fix" what's gone on with me. So I've taken my father's old saying as my mantra. And every day I just get up & do what needs to be done. I think, sometimes, that's just what a person has to do. So kudos to you for getting out there & doing what needed to be done. And may there be many happy repeats for both you & your dog!
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Old 01-13-2020, 06:53 PM   #6
walkingby
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Default Re: I can't leave home

And to you too.
This was actually fun to do and I can't wait to do it again (yey).
But it takes a lot - a lot - of discipline to "do what needs to be done".
I have no energy for anything but passive stuff.
I will try to apply that mantra too. I'll write it down on a post it to read it all the time. I think it may help.
I did that with sugar. I wrote on a post-it "No sugar today". And I stopped the habit of eating cookies and cakes everyday.
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