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MrBee
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Default Apr 06, 2020 at 05:41 PM
  #1
In the voice of Yoda... Hard life is! You think you got it! (18 years old)

It turns out it was all an illusion at the age of 57. Now I’m thinking what was all that about and definitely what was the point!

Now I’m suffering with an incredible amount of pain and a bonifide eating disorder which I didn’t realise I had until I fought back!
It’s taken 18 months of painful walking and walking mountains to get just 60% health. I started with a metabolic rate of 81 years old a year ago.

But, this eating disorder has got to be the worst... I went to AA meetings to get some sort of insight but that was near futile. Fact is when your brain has been damaged by the food intolerances you have suffered with for the last 6.8 years and the medical system has no idea how to help, you definitely feel like giving up. But, the only reason I had for going on, was God!

All I’m trying to say is you have to stay positive even to the depths of total despair, been there a few times, you still have to fight and get to the end because of one reason only! The satisfaction of knowing you fought a harder life than most will never experience anything like yours. But, you will die knowing you are stronger than anything the bad guy throws at you. You will die satisfied!!!!

Not a poor, lonely, frightened individual.
“Trust in me”.... now who you think said that!

My moto... “fight to the final death!” 💀
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Default Apr 06, 2020 at 11:34 PM
  #2
The only two reasons I am still here is sheer stubbornness/I refuse to let "them" win and I can't know for sure that what comes after isn't just as sucktastic as this life so what's the point.

So I'm with you totally on being stronger than what is thrown at you.

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I think I need help 'cause I'm drowning in myself. It's sinking in, I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell. I think I need help---Papa Roach
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MrBee
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Default Apr 10, 2020 at 09:48 PM
  #3
I'm describing the issue I have been suffering with for the last 6.8 years.

My food intake is basically down to cooked dinners only. But, I cannot live on that alone. what's happening is that there is so much what feels like hunger pain from my bowels when I just eat my roast dinners that I constantly crave sweet foods.

Then when I eat the sweet foods (generally equal to 10 chocolate bars in one go) my craving pain dissipates to chronic pain with no craving. Plus with that my breathing becomes so shallow it (sometimes stops) keeps me awake. Any, exercise with that creates complete exhaustion within minutes.

Drinking whiskey kind of gets rid of the pain and empties the bowels and I feel somewhat normal but am drunk all the time. On eating the process starts again.

Other factors include unable to sleep due to erratic nature.
Fibromyalgia kicks in when pains dissipate due to lack of food.
Osteoarthritic pains are sometimes off the roof so to speak.
Clarity of mind is rare such as right now when writing this.
Poor memory.

My diet is any of these foods + binging which I just cannot help as my mind is low most of the time so no willpower to correct mind.

Potatoes (Maris Piper) Other potatoes cause diarrhoea
Carrots
Parsnips
Brussels
Peas
Spinach (Which helps most) [Popeye]
Bacon
Egg
Dried Potato
Tomato (Tinned only)

Everything else causes problems and loss of abilities.

Mental state - The drive to live is strong but with issues is not.
Constant music playing in my mind. Never stops.
Help? - I get none and have had none since 2015. I've been ignored since then.

The fact that i'm still alive is seriously amazing.
Most if not all would have jumped off a cliff many times before now.

Any suggestions?
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