FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
New Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2
10 |
#1
I'm in such a horrible situation that I just wish I could hide away from.
Backstory: I'm a 27 year old dad with a 3 year old boy I have custody of in Ontario, Canada. I work full time and I do try and be the best dad I possibly can for him as his mom consistently is in and out of his life. Now the issue: Earlier this month (July), I went to Minnesota for a 2 week vacation. I met this girl and we connected as I stayed in the same area each day and saw her just about everyday I was there. Long story short, we slept together unprotected and she is now pregnant. I feel sick to my stomach that I was dumb enough to put myself in the situation after a long battle for my son. I just don't know what to do or even how to be apart of this child's life, given that I'm in Ontario and she is in Minnesota. I'm not that piece of trash dad that abandons his child, but I just don't know how else I can deal with the situation. You all can rip me up for my stupidity. I already know how dumb I was and i just hope someone can give me any advice. Thanks in advantage |
Reply With Quote |
lynn P.
|
Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,906
(SuperPoster!)
12 5,442 hugs
given |
#2
From what I found on the Internet. You need an international family lawyer. International custody issues usually around the non custodial parent to have summer vacationand 1 week holiday. However this does not fit usually until the child is 4 years old. I would start saving now 4 tickets to go visit your child for a week when here she is first born. Try to bring your son also. while you while in the States file for visitation. get the books that allow you to record yourself reading to the child. start saving 20 percent of your income show that you will have money to provide child support when asked. the setting up a new one package with a little teddy bear, baby blanket, photo of you and your son, a couple of outfits,and a couple other little things. You may want to find out how much international melons because you may want to send a little trinket for the baby if you two weeks or so.also to become friends with the mom on Facebook so that you can get updates as they happen and asked mom to take video important events. Just because you live outside the country does not mean that your deadbeat dad do not beat yourself up about it.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: Northwest Florida
Posts: 20
10 18 hugs
given |
#3
There are so many ways now days to stay in touched with loved ones around the world!! I think small steps, though, are probably best for you and the child's mother. Is she open to you being a part of the child's life? Can the two of you co-parent together? How is she set to support the baby? Will you provide financial as well as emotional support?
Now is the time for the two of you to be talking and setting up a plan! And how exciting to be bringing a child into the world!! Babies are never mistakes...simply unplanned joys Best of luck to you! |
Reply With Quote |
New Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2
10 |
#4
Thank you both for your replies and time!
She wants me apart of babies life and to be a parent to him/her. She, (the mom) wants to relocate to a place close to me but immigration isn't cheap, nor is it a fast process by any standards. Plus I could not see her family just let her up and leave and then they not see their grandchild. Then there's the issues I was dealing before this ever came about: I'm currently in a custody battle for my son that I have now that has been going on for 3 years almost and has sucked most of my money dry. Not that my son isn't worth it, its just been rough financially and this by no means was even slightly planned. I feel completely disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be in the situation after dealing with courts for years and learning how bad things can get. I just never expected this in the life of me. I'll support this baby and attempt to give it emotional support if you even can at such a distance. How I can, I don't know, but I could try. If I could, be apart of its life frequently, I would in a a second, but I just don't know how good of a parent is if he's only on Skype chatting. The other issue is with my current son. I can't just leave the country with him because we currently have joint custody and need his mom's permission. If she says nope, then I can't take him which sucks. I'm at a loss truly, but me and mom are talking at least and who knows what may end up happening in the end. |
Reply With Quote |
lynn P., Miracles63
|
Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 480
10 16 hugs
given |
#5
Your custody battles do not have to roll over into this new baby. This is potential to make an awesome close friend (the mom). The best thing there, if your worried about more custody battles, is communication and compromise. If your son can't come with you, you could also make sure he has contact with his sibling through Skype and the phone. I feel if you put everything you have into letting them both know you will love them, be there for them, be involved as much as possible with them, and that neither one is more important to you than the other, than you have done the best you can and nobody can ask more of you than that. Just don't let being in another country keep you from contact.
|
Reply With Quote |
Miracles63
|
Reply |
|