emotionally abusive mum

I'm emotionally aggressive & abusive towards by 7 year old daughter. Shes a wonderful child, but refuses to do anything herself - I even have to feed her, I get worked up mostly because of this & say all sorts of mean & nasty things to her like I wish she wasn't born. I hate myself for this & kiss & make up, but I have to stop this cycle. What do I do? My husband doesn't believe in therapy/anything...

You need to tell you husband you need therapy and are going to get it. You are hurting your child with your behavior and need help. I can see that you have your hands full with a child that refuses to do things for herself and she at this point probably needs counseling, too. Please get help. Best wishes to you.
Gayle

the more you make struggles about emotions the more she will not budge and misbehave. it sucks but it's true. This is what I would try to do....Start by putting yourself in a "closed room" in your head until she calms down and will listen. Ignore her until you get the response you want. As soon as you get that response, talk to her like normal. like nothing had happened and it is the first time either of you have spoken. If you find yourself losing control of that, step outside until you regain it. Tell her ONCE what you expect from her before you start ignoring and don't use the words ok, please, alright, or make it a question of any kind. that gives her the choice. And just refuse to do anything that she can do herself and talk to her until she decides to be good. This will take days before it's a habit and one fall will start the whole thing over again. If your ignoring her causes violent tantrums, put her in time out on a chair in the corner. it's ok to hold her there...better she not hurt herself and your house. Of course not hurting her yourself by holding too hard. Make sure when there are calm times, even if you have no energy too, you give lots and lots of hugs smiles and I love you's. Do not ever let yourself say what you already have, again. It will be forever imprinted on her heart. This is completely up to you. Her behavior is based on yours.

I know exactly how you feel and am also trying to overcome this distructive behavior. I may not be as vocally emotionaly abusive but rather struggle with having an emotional connection to MY kids. I am working to set up therapy sessions to try to open up and break down a wall I have built up from my childhood. Hoping this will help and gain control of it before they are emotionaly damaged too. Good luck. Let me know if you find anything thats helped.