Costly Xmas gifts

My ex (bless his heart) has a bad habit. Now, he's a wonderful father to my two sons (who aren't even his biological children--long story there!). He just tends to spoil them rotten with expensive gifts that he can't afford.

He was spoiled as a child and only ever had the best of everything, so it's really all he knows. I just find it inappropriate to spend so much, especially at Christmas, on the boys.

Here's a good example: this year he's buying our nine-year-old Beats headphones that cost $170. Seriously. He can barely pay his rent, and the kid doesn't even listen to music that often. Why, oh, WHY buy him $170 headphones????? He's NINE!!!!

We've been going back and forth on this for the past few days, and he isn't budging. I don't want my kids associating Christmas with outrageous gifts instead of love and family. I don't want them to grow up thinking they must have high-end everything.

I'm from a frugal family, and we've never spent more than $50 on each other at Christmas. I'm buying my nine-year-old a $20 game and a couple toys this year. He'll love them.

Am I being unreasonable by wanting my ex-husband to tone it down? Is it just a matter of two different styles of parenting? Any advice is appreciated!

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I think you're being reasonable.
Perhaps he could tone it down to a generic headphones of that? like having your son build up to that cost maybe? Or give he could give him money to put towards the headphones... like saving up for them. and if he spends it, then he wouldn't get the headphones that cost that much... or maybe have only $40 or $50 in something to him, and then have the rest held back, but having it to use on them, but not letting him know that. therefore he would have to save for them if he really wants them, and as through a month or so, giving him a little of the money each chore or something?
maybe coming to a middle ground with your ex? like say he doesn't get the $170 expensive headphones, but he doesn't go all the way down to $50 either? maybe (i'm bad with math ), but maybe .... whatever's halfway between 50 and 170 (cant figure it out in my head lol.) ?
And whenever he gives something like this, it would be something kids will usually expect even more the next year (Because it is as much wanted as the headphones are this year, but it will be something more advanced from what it is this year, making it more expensive). Also if he has a sense of getting some money to help him buy them, and has to work or be good, or something on a reward system to get enough money to buy the headphones, not only would he be able to buy them, but he would have more appreciation for them when he does get them, and he will likely try his best not to let them break or anything, and will use them much more than if he just got them. ?

.........

I don't suppose it would work to make it a gift to both boys? I used to do that with things like expensive video systems or games. IDK maybe wouldn't work with headphones, would have to come with a schedule for using them lol

You probably buy them stuff all year and he doesn't. I don't really see the harm...he want's to be the good guy and give them what they want. I think you will both still instill the meaning of Christmas in them, don't you?

I actually don't buy them much all year. Little things here and there, but their dad forks out $150 for a pair of shoes, $100 for a shirt, etc. It's not just at Christmas that he spends like crazy. No wonder he can't pay his bills!



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oh oh Disneyland Daddy.....
I googled it and came up with this The Disneyland Daddy: A Case Study

You have my sympathies!

My ex was becoming like this, for the longest, I never thought it would end. He grew up poor, big family, single mom poor, so it was his money and if he wanted to buy, buy, buy he would. He's been living with another couple and their child for the past couple/ several years and he's seeing the 'light', so to speak.
Headphones are nice, but take it from a mom of three boys, 9 being my middle, sounds like a recipe for disaster. Are those the only gifts? $170+$170=$340. Not an unreasonable budget, per se, I've seen significantly higher ones. Closer to my personal budget. Give or take. This years looking closer to $100 each. My ex, said it's the worst feeling, an empty tree. My ex can do as he wishes, he's learned bargain hunting for quality having been married to me, and after reassessing his views through his friendship. When married, it was $300ea. Other budgets are under $50, accross the board.

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