Scared for my son

I've posted before about my 17-year-old son. This gentle, intelligent, responsible young man is slowly imploding. He's failing all his classes, doing drugs, and completely pulling away from me and his dad.

His dad approached him about counseling, and he said although he's sure he needs it, he won't do it.

I'm beginning to think that his dad is a big part of the problem. He lives with his dad (long story), and I want him to come live with me. He refuses. His dad explodes at him regularly, using profanity, and I want my son out of that environment. But if he won't come, what can I do???

I feel like I'm losing my precious son. He's making such poor decisions. I'm scared he'll end up in prison.

How can I help him when he won't accept my help?

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Hello gloamingone, I feel for you. I wouldn't force him to come and live with you but try and spend as much time as possible with him and talk to him about possibly talking to someone at college/school. There is usually a counselor attached. It is difficult with a teenager I know, push too much and he'll dig his heels in even more so you need to somehow make it his idea. Be the rock you have always been for him.

Edit to add: If you feel he is being abused then the right thing to do would be to get social services involved.

When my oldest was doing all you are talking about, the family ALL went to get help. She needed to know that everyone cared and that the problem was not just her. You are divorced and I would think that this is a difficult lifestyle for any teen to endure.
I really didn't ask either, I made the appointment and we went! Good luck and big hug!

I think that's a good idea. At least if we can get him to one appointment maybe he'll realize it's not so bad. Thanks!

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If dad is exploding on him, and still he'd rather be with dad than you - then perhaps what you should do is look at why the boy would rather be with a yelling father, then a calm mother.

Something is wrong with that picture.

Is dad lenient and doesn't give him rules to follow? Is dad doing drugs with him? There's a reason beyond just saying the words, that the boy would rather be with an exploding father, than with you.

So, in this thought process, it would seem against the best interest here to just make an appointment and trick the boy into counseling. this would likely push the boy further away from you.

The object is to bring the boy to you, not alienate yourself from him more. So, the only tool you have available is for you to change yourself, to adjust to him, to try and get him to trust you.

Once you've gained his trust, only then are you going to be able to help him. How do you know he's doing drugs? Did he tell you, or did his dad tell you? I ask this question mainly to get an idea on whether the two of you have an open line of communication, or if the father is talking about him. That may seem irrelevant to you, but, it isn't to a young adult who is faltering in trying to find someone to trust.

If you had a problem, or if you had an issue - how would you feel if the people you love were talking about you, rather than to you?

Shed yourself of expectations, and open yourself to him ... let him trust you, so that he will confide in you and want you to help him.

Good luck