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Old 05-07-2015, 06:44 PM #1
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Default Years after Oedipus complex - sister still hurting

Hallo, and sorry, I didn't knew where to ask this Q.

I had this Oedipus complex, and I guess my mother was too easy about it; I got more mothers love as child than my sister. Now, as adult children, her need to hurt me is still there, even I several times told her that I am aware of all that and her feelings. Guess she needs to express her anger and make it even. My mother is untouchable, unmistakable, every her wrongdoing is deniable, so she will never validate my sisters hurt.
Sometimes when I 'detect' that my sister is 'here to hurt me', I do my best to figure out what other angers she needs to express (there is also her huge suppressed anger towards my father, who is adult child of an alcoholic).

If only I was able at my age of about 9/10 to tell my mother to share her love equally, my sister wouldn't have this pain now, and wouldn't be so hungry for love.

Anybody have a clue how to make this healthier?
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Old 05-07-2015, 07:40 PM #2
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Default Re: Years after Oedipus complex - sister still hurting

This is not your fault. Even if someone got more love, someone else still could be accepting and compassionate. You suffered the smothering of your mother's love if your situation is like others I know. Your sister needs to stop hurting others and find someone to help her deal with her inner pain and anger. Unless she asks you to help her, in which case you could suggest a therapist, you probably can do nothing except protect yourself and keep yourself well. And be a compassionate human being.
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Old 05-08-2015, 06:23 PM #3
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Default Re: Years after Oedipus complex - sister still hurting

Thanks for your answer.
Yeah, I guess its not my fault, but in this mother-son dynamic,.. you know, I liked to be loved and seen as 'better child' than my sister, but I really haven't clue what it means and if it was wrong.
I feel her anger that I 'got more than she did' and feel that she needs to see someone paying for that, but since my parents are 'unmistakable' and what ever they do wrong they only say: "...well, ...we haven't thought that way...", my sister needs to make me pay for that. (simply my parents don't accept that energy of their wrongdoing, so that energy stays in the one that is hurting).
I feel she needs compassion for that and acknowledgement.
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Old 05-18-2015, 04:07 PM #4
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Default Re: Years after Oedipus complex - sister still hurting

It certainly isn't your fault, but it's not fair she is taking it out on you either. It reminds me of my family. My husband was married and had 3 kids, got divorced and we married a few years later and had 2 kids. Well the very oldest was used to getting all the attention while growing up but when my daughter was born, all of sudden she became very jealous because my daughter get a full time dad, and not a very other weekend visitation type of dad. She is in her 30's now, and still can't get past it. She claims my husband loves his new kids more than here. Other than therapy, I am not sure what can help because she just only sees herself as a victim in this.
How old is your sister, as this seems really immature for an adult ?
But I have seen my mother in law and her siblings in this type of fighting, and they are in their 80's. lol Good luck, I hope it can change for you. Have you tried talking to her about why she has to take it out on you? It wasn't your fault.
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