BP/BPD Mom with verbally abusive 10 year old daughter - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 05-11-2015, 07:24 AM #1
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Confused BP/BPD Mom with verbally abusive 10 year old daughter

I'm having such a hard time with my 10 year old daughter. She is in a special needs class at school for children with aggression issues and is doing much better (she is rarely physically aggressive anymore) but she is very verbally abusive to both me and her step father. The last time we tried to have a discussion about the fact she couldn't have more money for the book fair she told me she was going to stab me... when my step husband stands up for me when she says horrible things to me, she tells him she's going to punch him in the face. I have Bipolar and BPD so it's very hard for me to NOT take everything very personally. We are trying a new family counseling center on Wednesday...
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:01 AM #2
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Default Re: BP/BPD Mom with verbally abusive 10 year old daughter

I hope the family counseling helps out. It must be really hard to deal with this sort of treatment. I can certainly understand how you could get your feelings hurt. Hopefully, counseling will get through to her.
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:22 AM #3
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Default Re: BP/BPD Mom with verbally abusive 10 year old daughter

<3
we decided with our five year old to let him have free reign over whatever he chooses to say
gets a little intense sometimes haha luckily i'm able to take it easily most of the time but his mom has a very hard time sometimes especially when he's telling her he hates her and she's a terrible mom
i just remember all the times i've said mean things to people and how you might feel like you mean it in the moment but it's all coming from love and fear
more importantly i think of all the times i was never allowed to criticize my life/the way i was being parented while growing up and how much that hurt
basically i just try to remember kids can have the same freedom to voice any of the feelings they're feeling (even if it's really hard for us to hear) i just try to remind myself of that
basically don't get mad and just remind them you love them
"i hate you"
"ok you're allowed to feel that way"
"no i'm gonna kill you!"
"oh i would miss you lots if you did"
"i don't care!"
"that's ok. love you!"
that's sort of how we do. but then again he's half the age of your daughter... however i think the premise is similar.
i hope the new counselling center works!
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Old 05-11-2015, 02:38 PM #4
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Default Re: BP/BPD Mom with verbally abusive 10 year old daughter

I do think kids need to realize some things are not okay to say. Threatening a person with physical violence can have serious consequences at school and in the real world. Hopefully the therapist will help you find ways to create a boundary about verbalizing that kind of threat.
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