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gloamingone
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Default May 18, 2015 at 09:27 AM
  #1
I have no idea what to do here and desperately need advice.

My kids' dad has been ignoring me lately. Sometimes for as much as 18 hours when he has the kids. I can't get in touch with my kids or get answers about important issues regarding them.

He claims he left his phone in the car (for five hours) or didn't notice that I called. I find this hard to believe in the cell phone age.

With all the problems involving the boys lately (one in trouble with the law, which requires close contact with his probation officer, and the other with growing mental health issues), we had been discussing the kids quite a bit.

Now I haven't heard from him since 1:30 pm yesterday, and it's 8:30 in the morning. I was supposed to disenroll our 17-year-old this morning so he could get his GED (a condition the judge set on him bc he's failing all his classes).

I have no idea what's going on. I haven't been able to talk to my nine-year-old for two days.

Please help!

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Default May 18, 2015 at 12:39 PM
  #2
Ive been a stepmom for over 20 years. Is there any way you can talk to your ex after he has the kids? This should be his time with the kids (sounds like they need it) and anything other than a true emergency seems like it could wait. Couldn't most of these issues (like dis enrolling him) been planned before his visitation? I'm not sure if talking about the kids on the phone, while he has visitation is healthy for them to hear, and it also takes away time for them to bond with him. Unless you are worried your ex is harming your kids, it seems a little intrusive to be constantly contacting him during his visitation. Does he call you every 18 hours when you have the kids? Don't you trust him that as a parent, he can handle the kids himself when they are with him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gloamingone View Post
I have no idea what to do here and desperately need advice.

My kids' dad has been ignoring me lately. Sometimes for as much as 18 hours when he has the kids. I can't get in touch with my kids or get answers about important issues regarding them.

He claims he left his phone in the car (for five hours) or didn't notice that I called. I find this hard to believe in the cell phone age.

With all the problems involving the boys lately (one in trouble with the law, which requires close contact with his probation officer, and the other with growing mental health issues), we had been discussing the kids quite a bit.

Now I haven't heard from him since 1:30 pm yesterday, and it's 8:30 in the morning. I was supposed to disenroll our 17-year-old this morning so he could get his GED (a condition the judge set on him bc he's failing all his classes).

I have no idea what's going on. I haven't been able to talk to my nine-year-old for two days.

Please help!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Default May 18, 2015 at 12:46 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Creative ToFu View Post
Ive been a stepmom for over 20 years. Is there any way you can talk to your ex after he has the kids? This should be his time with the kids (sounds like they need it) and anything other than a true emergency seems like it could wait. Couldn't most of these issues (like dis enrolling him) been planned before his visitation? I'm not sure if talking about the kids on the phone, while he has visitation is healthy for them to hear, and it also takes away time for them to bond with him. Unless you are worried your ex is harming your kids, it seems a little intrusive to be constantly contacting him during his visitation. Does he call you every 18 hours when you have the kids? Don't you trust him that as a parent, he can handle the kids himself when they are with him?

If I wait to talk to him when I have the kids, won't that take my time away from him? We've been communicating beautifully for nine years like this, and everyone comments (teachers, counsellors, etc) that we get along so well. It's been great for the kids.

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Default May 18, 2015 at 01:02 PM
  #4
If you have been having a good relationship with him, I would just relax. The boys seems like they need this time with their father. I have found it is best to talk about the kids, when the kids aren't in the room listening. Let him be a dad while he is with them,without you interfering with your calls. Some day you are probably going to have other partners, and each side is going to need their space. It about boundaries. Set up a time for you two to talk about these issues without the kids listening. But most of all relax! Most ex's don't call their exes even for the entire weekend or a week vacation when one had the kids. Enjoy the break instead! Even married parents, need a break from parenting once in a while! Let him take on some of this! Sometime even our kids needs breaks from us.

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Default May 18, 2015 at 01:07 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Creative ToFu View Post
If you have been having a good relationship with him, I would just relax. The boys seems like they need this time with their father. I have found it is best to talk about the kids, when the kids aren't in the room listening. Let him be a dad while he is with them,without you interfering with your calls. Some day you are probably going to have other partners, and each side is going to need their space. It about boundaries. Set up a time for you two to talk about these issues without the kids listening. But bost of all relax! Most ex's don't call their exes even for the entire weekend or a week vacation when one had the kids. Enjoy the break instead! Even married parents, need a break from parenting once in a while! Let him take on some of this!

Wow. I'm surprised that I'm getting slammed for wanting to know when I'm supposed to take my son to his therapist appointment this afternoon and whether I'm supposed to disenroll my other son this morning as planned.

I guess I'll take all the advice and have nothing to do with my kids. I've been so sick lately I hardly get to see them, only talk to them on the phone and now I'm not even allowed to do that.

Sounds like my "interfering" to say goodnight to a child I haven't seen in a week or talked to in three days is a huge problem.

My ex and I have been the best of friends for nine years, talking every day about the kids. Guess that's a bad thing.

Last time I'll post on psych central.

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Default May 18, 2015 at 01:47 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by gloamingone View Post
Last time I'll post on psych central.
Really? I heard no slams... Creative Tofu was just trying to be helpful.
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