Child walking in on adults

Hello all,

Brand new to the forum and need some advice on a kind of parenting snafu. Here is some quick background.

I've recently reconnected with a woman who I dated when we were 15 and 16. In between now and then she moved to Guatemala where she had two children. The father of the children is still in Guatemala and will be remaining there. The father and mother will not be reconnecting, though he does keep somewhat in touch with his children during an occasional phone call. The children are two (boy) and 5 (girl). The boy does not really remember much of his father, but the girl does and remembers him fondly.

Their mother and I have reinstated our romance and are very happy. I have committed myself to this family and love the kids very much as well. Right now we live in separate areas but I visit them every weekend. For the first few weekends I came around, their mother and I did not act romantic in anyway. We were very safe and made sure that most, if not all, of our attention was paid to the kids. Both children, especially the girl, became very fond of me very quickly. there is a very long history of friendship and love between me and their mother. Also, our family's are very good friends, so there is a lot of trust and encouragement from all parties involved. A few weeks ago, the girl walked in on her mother and I having sex and has since been very aggressive towards me, though it comes in waves. Sometimes she is still very fond of me and we can get along great. Other times she tells me that she wants me to leave and doesn't like me, and sometimes becomes very mildly violent (slight pushing, very light punches, etc).

Her mother has breached the topic with her in private and has asked her how she is feeling, what she might have seen, why she is upset. Unfortunately this girl becomes very quite and embarrassed when she is bothered, so we are able to get very little information.

As of right now, I am still just her mom's boyfriend, but I will be moving in with them in a matter of months and plan on getting married. I am wondering if I should consider talking to the girl myself as well. If I prod at this, will it become worse? I keep hearing from parents (and ones that I see as being good and trustworthy) that this is a phase and she will come around, or that she will eventually forget. I would like to know though if there is something I should or can do in the meantime to gain back this girls trust. Sorry for the long post. Just hoping to be the best parental figure I can be! Thank you all for your time!

I agree about give it time to boil over. Appropriately address her aggressive behavior. Yet, don't feel guilty as causation.

Hello and welcome to Psych Central carryingtheO!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

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I'm sorry for your struggles. I wouldn't bring it up to the girl. Just let it go. She's still such a baby. Her behavior may or may not have anything to do with what she may have seen or thought she saw. In any case, related, or not, you being there will still be an adjustment for her. She now has to share her mommy. I would give her time. I do recommend putting a latch on the bedroom door and teach the children to knock. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!