I think its going to be a tough night tonight

I am at work at the moment working on programming some complex changes to software. But I've had a call from my wife about our son again. He is 13 and has Aspergers/ADHD.

This morning we told him that he MUST go to homework club after school since he has a project due and he is not doing his homework. During a physical education lesson he tried to hit another pupil, tried to climb the school boundary fence and then tried to strangle himself with his bag.

This is another incident in a long series of antisocial, attention-seeking or criminal behaviours from our son . We have a family worker who visits us but my wife is ranting and upset, getting angry with the school and the family worker.

On top of this my wife is always unhappy (I think she has undiagnosed dysthymia), we are not getting on with my mother, my daughter is getting upset and I am suffering from the stress of it all. Fortunately my own mental health is much better in 2017 so I am stronger and able to support them all.

My daughter is 16 and my mother keeps giving her mobile phones and she has lost 3 of them. We are currently looking for phone number 3 and she does not want to admit to grandma what has happened.

Tonight I am going to be strong and not have a glass (or bottle!) or whisky.

Over the weekend amongst other things I am going to look at getting some private psychological help for our son. We are trying to claim welfare benefits (disability living allowance) to help pay for this.

I go to a support group locally, I might go tonight but the best group is tomorrow night so that might be more helpful. Also I keep myself busy which I find good for my mental health. I work full time, I have a part time job where I teach adults over the internet (associate lecturer which is like an adjunct in the USA) and I run a club for people who go on short hikes (3-8 miles). At the moment my passion is writing a book about computer programming, which is what I do for a living and what my doctorate is in.

However this evening the challenge is just getting through the night without anyone being hurt, without the police being called to our home again, and without a hangover!

I'm sat at work with earphones in listening to music, that also helps me a lot.

WOW...I am giving you a long distance salute.....I can not even imagine the level of stress...you have....and still be upright and functioning....I am incredibly impressed that you are able to function at the level you are....and your awareness of the living conditions and how you need to offer at different levels to those in your family.....

I have to say....though....I am thrilled you are not going to drink...that is another very wise decision you are making....I can't imagine what too much alcohol would add to the equation that is your life.....You are an exceptional human Be-ing....

I wish there were some way I could help you....I have no words of wisdom...and live across the planet...just read your words and had the need to respond...as I would be overwhelmed ....I am happy the music is helping you....reading your words too...I will offer....I have faith in your abilities to care for your family....you have my vote....in that you are doing the best you can.....especially in your situations.....

I send mental emanations of long lines of angels or warriors....which ever you need to keep you going strong.....may peace be your companion with everything you face...

Wow, you certainly have a lot of stress going on in your life. I commend you for coming this far.

Regarding your son, you certainly have your hands full. I ask though, have you and your wife considered a service dog. They can be trained to recognise the building up of stress and take action to soothe the individual before such a crisis happens. My ex husband has an autistic child from his second wife. She herself has issues with wandering off and getting herself into trouble. Her particular dog is trained to keep her with the group. She is actually tethered to the dog for the purpose of her not being able to get away. In addition the presence of the dog seems to keep her calm.

Um, I want to make comment on another matter. You may not welcome this. I find it inappropriate that your daughter be provided a cell phone at all. At 16 she old enough to be responsible for paying for one herself. Remember a phone is not a right but a priviledge. Just my opinion.

I have just had to go home from work since my son was able to get hold of the house keys and lock his sister and mother out of the house. Its fortunate my work is only 3 miles from home!!!

Thanks for the kind words. It was part of the equation for many years but now I am proud to be sober.


I haven't considered the service dog. Thanks for the suggestion but I doubt it would be appropriate as our son is quite able mentally.

I understand what you are saying about the phone. We are going to do a thorough house tidy on 1st April and if we do not find it then my daughter should buy her own phone next time.

Wow. You certainly are a busy dad...

Support groups are great. I'm glad that's an outlet for you. Take care.