How am I suppose to react to my parents behaviour?

I don't know if this is the right thread, I am not a parent, but my parents drive me crazy and can make my mood crumble into a dark place in seconds when I see them.

My parents are separated, not yet divorced even though its been like 8 years. I really don't know the details because I hate hearing about it at all. My dad owes my mom a lot of money and was completely gone from our lives for around 6 years (all my teen-hood) I last saw him at 15 and started seeing him again at 21 and after (occasionally).

I love my mom so much, definitely more than my dad, but I do care for my dad as well and am really happy I get to see him now. I have to mostly hide it from my mom, and I know my dad is a con artist and not a law abiding or great person, but I like being able to have some kind of positive relationship with him not and try to stay out of the problems him and my mom have. I don't know if this is the right thing, but all through high school I was suicidal and depressed because I felt guilty about my broken family. I hated my dad because I was hurt, and my mom wouldn't let me forget that he left us, and he was this, that and the other. Sometimes I wonder though if he completely meant to, because she made us tell people we did not want to go on visits anymore with him (partially i didn't want to because i was so strained, he wanted to break the rules and was an awful supervisor of my younger siblings, and as soon as we went home my mom interrogated me).

When i started to see him on my own again this year (I haven't lived with my mom in 5 years now, since I was 17 partially because of all this) she would message me periodically questioning me, or saying he doesn't love me and he is using me, ect. Sometimes I know he does want me to keep secrets for him but usually i tell him I do not like that.

I hate living a double life with my parents.

Today, we saw my dad (me, mom, my sis and brother) as we started doing this since last year. For a few hours all get together again. I accidentally brought up something she didn't want me to about my brother, I didn't know she didn't want me to and she texted me that I have no common sense. Then i guess out of spite, or whether she planned it all along, she pulled out spy pictures of him getting into a car (hes legally not allowed to drive) and questioned him. It was very awkward and made me very upset. Then she went even further to bring out divorce/court papers and ask him to sign them, making snarky remarks all the while. I had a mental breakdown, we were in starbucks and i threw my cell phone at her and ran off and cried. The whole rest of the day, seeing the rest of my family and everything I felt like ****.

She hasn't apologized and doesn't seem to think she did anything out of bounds. This isn't normal is it?? I don't know what I am supposed to do, my mom is very important to me, but I feel like she isn't thinking about me or my younger siblings at all when she does this.

This is partially just a rant, but I need some advice too. This always really throws me out of proportion for a while.

Hello cat: I'm sorry you are having to deal with this difficult family situation. Thanks for sharing it with us here on PC. I'm afraid there's probably not a lot I can offer in the way of advice. But perhaps this article from the PsychCentral archives on how to deal with difficult family members can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...amily-members/

One thing I particularly liked in this article is the quote from Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements):

"Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in."

Perhaps if one can think about it in those terms getting along with difficult people, whoever they are, can be a bit easier. I wish you well...