Child Psychology & Behavioral Help...Pleeeease

My 5 year old daughter is a sweetheart to the core as well as very imaginative and motivated to get things done; both necessary and what she desires also. Our current situation is a little shaky I might add, just the ordinary blended family struggling financially and dealing with bonding factors between her and my fiance' as well as his daughter who is close in her age. Another tid bit of background is that she does not know her biological father, the fiance is CoParenting with me now and we are expecting a little boy in March. Here is our question we wish to seek advise on: about 4 or 5 months ago, my daughter was sitting next to our family pet(a sweet, big bear of a dog) and my daughter seemed fine, yet somewhere out of the blue she kicked the dog for no reason and she gave no sign of aggression or anger prior to her doing this. Well, she was corrected and advised that our dog is innocent and loves and protects us, he didn't know why you hurt him and he never will understand because he's not able to tell us how he really feels with words like you can. She understood- or seemed to and we moved passed the subject. However, yesterday just before ringing in the new year, her step sister and her were playing with their new toys and i was standing right next to the two of them. My fiances daughter was minding her business just playing along with the toy and my daughter was smiling and talking to me back and forth and to her sister and playing some too as I fiddled with her toy in helping her figure out how to make it do something specific. all of a sudden she kicks her sister out of nowhere..again, no emotional or physical signs of aggression or upset in any reason to kick her. Immediately they were separated and my daughter's toy was taken away from her for a few days in addition to talking with her. Her response was this "I don't know why i did it" I said, "I don't know is not a good enough answer for something like this, then she quickly replied "I just felt like being mean" But why?? She couldn't give me an answer as to why. Maybe that was just a quick answer? Is there something more to her actions? Obviously I get that circumstances in a blended home can become difficult for any child, but there doesn't even seem to be a legitimate reason in that case here. It was a random act in both accounts.. what could be going on and how can we fix this? how can we begin to resolve something we know nothing about....Heeeelllp

There are a few things that could be going on. You did not say how long this new living arrangement has been going on for nor did you say if your fiancee's daughter lives with you full-time. I am willing to bet that she does not know why she is hitting others (most kids her age do not understand why they do things). She may be trying to get attention (even negative attention is better than no attention), although you were giving her attention during the second incident mentioned. She may be afraid that she will lose attention once the new baby is here and reacting to that. It seems to me that there have been a lot of changes (and coming changes) in her life and she is trying to process the changes but at 5 does not have the skills or knowledge on how to do that. If possible I would see if you can get her into play therapy to help her process the changes.

Personally myself I agree with her trying to figure out the processing of all that is happening in her life. I don't agree with the play date. My son who is now eleven went through similar things. He is getting over it slowly now. What has helped with him is talking to him like a human instead of just a child. Also have both of the kids help everyone with the chores around the house. They want to know that you still know they are there.

Hi. I have raised my family plus ran a daycare for years and learned a lot. A wise psychiatrist on t.v. told this story. He couldn't get his son to behave. One day he took him to the zoo. They were watching the penguins and the doctor was amazed at how the penguins did exactly what the trainer wanted them to do. The doctor had a chat with the trainer and asked him how he got the penguins to always do what he wanted. The trainer simply said, " When they do what I want I reward them with fish". The doctor asked what he did when they didn't do as he wanted. He replied, "Nothing. I only reward good behaviour". The doctor went home and tried it with his son and was amazed how well it worked. True story. I completly agree with him. Praise everything your daughter does well. I think you will be amazed. Good luck.