question about something i heard

black_kat22 · Mar 23, 2018 at 09:43 PM

would you as a parent tell your young toddler that "mommy and daddy will always come back" ???

if you were leaving your toddler with a babysitter for a few hours or even their grandparents or aunts/uncles were watching them for you, is this something you would tell them before you leave??

i have no kids so can't really be an 'expert' on something like this (but do have four nieces and nephews). but this seems like a not-so-good thing to instill in a young child, especially these days when anything can happen and at any time! as in, car accidents, shootings, muggings/car-jackings, bombings, and other accidents or tragedies ..... or is this just something you temporarily tell a young child who hasn't had an 'easy' life up to that point, as in maybe a situational-thing or something that varies from family to family??

healingme4me · Mar 24, 2018 at 11:26 AM

It's a reassurance statement. Maybe the child has some separation anxiety? Maybe it's the parents with separation anxiety?

It's akin to telling a child that mommy and daddy will always be there for them.

Of course, tragic things can happen in this world and lifetime and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yet, when it comes to words of affirmation and comfort, it's completely typical an expression.

Much like saying I love you to your kids or spouse or loved ones as one heads off for the day in different directions.

Mar 27, 2018 at 02:02 PM

Statistically you are most likely to be back, so why alter your comforting techniques for an improbable what if. I'm a mom of four. I don't think I have ever said this, but my children never needed to hear it. I don't see a problem though.

Rive1976 · Mar 27, 2018 at 08:45 PM

I can see this for a child who has abandonment issues. The problem is what if God forbid you die or something.

amicus_curiae · Mar 29, 2018 at 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black_kat22

would you as a parent tell your young toddler that "mommy and daddy will always come back" ???

if you were leaving your toddler with a babysitter for a few hours or even their grandparents or aunts/uncles were watching them for you, is this something you would tell them before you leave??

i have no kids so can't really be an 'expert' on something like this (but do have four nieces and nephews). but this seems like a not-so-good thing to instill in a young child, especially these days when anything can happen and at any time! as in, car accidents, shootings, muggings/car-jackings, bombings, and other accidents or tragedies ..... or is this just something you temporarily tell a young child who hasn't had an 'easy' life up to that point, as in maybe a situational-thing or something that varies from family to family??

When I was four my mother went for groceries, leaving me in the care of neighbors. She died in an automobile accident on the way home.

I was never concerned about her whereabouts and no one (that I recall) suggested that she was in heaven or a ‘better place,’ but I was angry that no one would tell me when she was coming back. My father told me that she was never coming back. He was right.

It’s reasonable to expect that a parent will usually return but unreasonable to expect that a parent will always return. Maybe a ‘hope to see you soon’ could fill the gap? No, I don’t know. At four I would not have been able to process the complexity of ‘mom is leaving and you can reasonably expect her to return but there isn’t a 100% guarantee.’

This parenting forum is giving me a headache.

Mar 29, 2018 at 02:37 PM

NO!

The same for saying as you leave your child with the babysitter, "You will be okay until I get back." What this is doing is reaffirming in the child's mind that in fact things will be different while the parent(s) is gone. It only encourages the child to miss mom and dad and behave differently.

Instead, instill confidence in your child while you are gone. "You are going to have so much fun! [babysitter] is going to do art and colouring (or whatever)." Discourage worry. Instead encourage the child to make the most of it and that all will not be bad while you are gone. Make goodbyes brief and unemotional. Whatever you do avoid a long drawn out good bye. On return find out what the child did. Celebrate these happenings. 'wow, you have so much fun when I'm gone." Whatever you do it is vitally important that the child not be given the message that something might be negative until the parent gets back.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

question about something i heard

My Support Forums

Anonymous50909 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 27, 2018 at 02:02 PM #3 Statistically you are most likely to be back, so why alter your comforting techniques for an improbable what if. I'm a mom of four. I don't think I have ever said this, but my children never needed to hear it. I don't see a problem though.
	Reply With Quote

Rive1976 Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: USA Posts: 1,740 6 144 hugs given	Mar 27, 2018 at 08:45 PM #4 I can see this for a child who has abandonment issues. The problem is what if God forbid you die or something.
	Reply With Quote