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Blueberrybook
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Confused Oct 15, 2018 at 04:55 AM
  #1
Due to an email sent to a person I thought I could trust, last month I got both a psych trip to the ER via the police and a CPS case opened against me dealing with my 5th grade daughter (almost 11 years old).

The CPS case was closed 3-4 weeks later as "ruled out", i.e., no evidence against me.

I realize this may vary state to state, but any answer is appreciated,.

I am now anxious & embarrassed at being seen by the adults the CPS may have contacted at my daughter's elementary school. It is not a huge school, and my daughter has been attending there since kindergarten. Some of her teachers have moved on, but many have not. The principal has been there since she was in kindergarten and makes it a point to learn every child be first name. Since my daughter is now in the 5th grade, you can bet the principal knows her. The counselor has been there 3 years, and I think spoke to her regarding an emergency I had last Feb. 14, needing an ambulance, emergency surgery for a perforated ulcer (not having to do with my ED and symptomless so I had no idea I even had an ulcer - it was a bacterial infection combined with NSAID use), 6 days in the hospital, a 6 week long recovery at home. If that thing hadn't been taken care of ASAP, the likely outcome would have been death, and my daughter (in 4th grade then, a GT student since kindergarten, definitely knows this).

So many school-related events are coming up and for the last time being it is my daughter's last year of elementary school. The principal is a huge workaholic who makes it a point to learn each child in the school by first name and is present and visible at every event. There is a fall festival coming up Oct. 21, a parent-invite to a Thanksgiving lunch feast. Since my daughter is in a dual language program, she will be dancing to a song from a Spanish-speaking country or territory (in the case of Puerto Rico) for Latin Heritage Month (parents are always invited to attend a morning dance before it is put on in front of the school). There is breakfast with mom, student of the month, spelling bee (my daughter made it to the school level 3rd & 4th grade, so I have good reason to believe she will advance to school level this year, and parents are invited to the school level spelling bee), competitions (my daughter always competes in a mental math competition), breakfast with Mom, a book fair (my daughter prefers to go the day it is open late with me, actually 2 book fairs over the year), the homeroom mom constantly asking for volunteers, the PTO pleading I attend (but so the principal, the counselor if an upcoming event involves her, a teacher my daughter may have had attend all the PTO meetings), a sweets with Santa Christmas school event, which my daughter loves as it is close to her December birthday, 5th grade graduation, introduction events to the 6th grade school (well, that is a bigger school, combining all elementary schools district wide, might be OK), the 5th grade program put on by the music teacher, choir events my daughter will sing at, no end of events parents are invited to.

Who does the CPS caseworker talk to at the school? I already know she talked to my 2 sisters & brothers-in-law; they told me. She talked to my pdoc and my T; they told me when I asked. Who is talked to at the school and might know? I am thinking surely the counselor & principal, but what about her 2 main teachers this year? What about teachers from previous years? One of her teachers from last year is gone, but she had the other teacher both in 2nd grade & in 4th grade. Do they go back to kindergarten with the teachers she's had who are still at the school? What about the specials teachers like PE coaches, the music teacher, the computer teacher, who have not changed since she was in kindergarten? What about the librarian who, before becoming librarian did sight word testing in kindergarten & first grade for my daughter's classes? Who in the PTO could know? I wanted to be more involved in the PTO this year, but am so self-conscious with the principal and possibly counselor in attendance as well as a teacher my daughter may or could have had.

I am now anxious and paranoid to do anything involving my daughters' school. The very idea that I could have abused her is laughable. H & I have been as easy as her on possible, though obviously, I cannot always conceal my mental disorders, most especially when I am depressed, panicked, or exercising too much.

OMG, how do I get through this school year?

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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD

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I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost
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healingme4me
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Default Nov 09, 2018 at 08:30 PM
  #2
I'd imagine only administrators? Most administrators that I'm aware of look at families with compassion as opposed to judgement. In this day and age, erring on the side of caution takes precedence over any chance that a child may slip through the cracks. I'm sure there's so much out there, your situation becomes but a blip on the screen.
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Thanks for this!
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Default Nov 15, 2018 at 08:57 PM
  #3
CPS interviews the child, the person who filed the report, and any other adults that might have direct knowledge of the particular incident. That’s about it. As mandatory reporters, the case has to be filed personally. As a teacher, I cannot simply report suspicions to the counselor or principal and have them file the report; I must file the report myself. My identity is kept anonymous for this very reason. Parents are not privy to exactly who filed the report if that person prefers to remain anonymous. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. When we file a report it is to express out concerns, not to make an accusation. Often, we really aren’t sure what is going on; we have a concern based on something we have seen in the child’s appearance or behavior or something they have shared with us. Our concern is the child’s welfare. It is up to CPS to investigate those concerns and make a decision on whether any intervention is needed.
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amandalouise
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Default Nov 21, 2018 at 10:00 PM
  #4
here in NY after a CPS case is open the investigating social worker talks with the child, school nurse, school psychologist, the childs teacher and any other school employee that has contact with the child at any time during the school year, that means recess aids, gym coaches, aids, the school principal, school office staff and if the child eats in a central lunch room the lunch staff are also interviewed.

on the home front any adult relative that has had contact with the child, sometimes the neighbors depending upon the situation.

treatment providers... the CPS investigator also contacts the family doctor and any other treatment providers that care for the childs health issues.

in extremely rare cases parents of the childs friends may also be contacted if there is any evidence that they may have witnessed an abusive situation, or bruises and such that point to abuse.
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saidso
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 11:20 AM
  #5
I like the "blip on the horizon" theory. If people were consulted (and likely only the headteacher actually was) schools are full of potential "scandals" which quickly pass under the bridge. Only repeated hot calls stay on people's horizon, and it's Xmas when teachers are working their butts off to educate, amuse, counter the Xmas illnesses, placate their own children at home.

I do identify with your anxiety about being seen as a non-standard parent/ person. It goes with the territory of mental illness, disability, different cultures and so on. What you have been through would make me twitchy for myself, let alone for a beloved child. But I think we have to deal with our anxieties as the internal challenge that they are, rather than allowing them to complicate the tricky balance of official and non-official external relationships.

The world of social relationships is so complex that we all have our part to play in helping it along in my opinion. Part of that is not projecting too strongly our worries and obsessions. If someone is mean to you challenge them, but otherwise kick back and let your inner self unload in some safe place afterwards. Doing that is the best contribution in this "seeking peace" time of year, in my opinion.

Hope that your daughter's dance performance goes well and brings much joy!!!
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