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Old 04-12-2019, 10:29 AM #11
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Default Re: So Much For Any Relationship With Son

Before this incident, itís pretty much always been me calling him to keep in touch, once a week at least.

After last nightís call with husband and me and son, I doubt he will call at all ever again.

I have really been abandoned by people who say they love me, physically or emotionally.

Iím fairly sure I have C-PTSD/ Attachment Disorder, and here is yet another person who abandoned me. While that is not his intention, he is only wanting to do something that is devastating to us for his own reasons, it really is emotional abandonment.

So I am just in shock from another knife in my back. I recently had a falling out with my FOO. Lots of knives in my back from that incident. I didnít eat that shyt sandwich, either.

Everything I see on TV today is about loving families. Family is everything. Loving mother has such a loving daughter, they have such a psychic bond, spiritually uplifting. I am in my own hell having to cry all the time from now on when I see that stuff.

I donít have any trust anymore in any one close to me. I must have deserved this. He must harbor secret hatred to have done this. I guess he hates my h and I for our unhappy marriage and dysfunction. Even though the fighting never extended to the kids, they must hate us for it.
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Old 04-12-2019, 03:28 PM #12
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I really feel if you want some good feedback, at this point you need to explain what this was about specifically. We see how much pain you are in, but this is so sketchy without detailed info that you are just not getting the support you need. Do you have a therapist? Do you live close enough to your son that you could all go to short term counseling together?
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Old 04-12-2019, 05:08 PM #13
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Originally Posted by luvyrself View Post
I really feel if you want some good feedback, at this point you need to explain what this was about specifically. We see how much pain you are in, but this is so sketchy without detailed info that you are just not getting the support you need. Do you have a therapist? Do you live close enough to your son that you could all go to short term counseling together?
Iím sorry to be sketchy. . Iím afraid if I said what it is, people would start judging and weighing in about whether or not I am right or justified to my feelings. Itís ok to have gotten your support, I appreciate it. I didnít know about grandparentís rights.

At least my husband is with me on this one as it effects us both. I deferred the handling of it any further to him. I canít tell you how good that makes me feel, that he will handle an issue. Iíve been handling others all by myself and itís been horrible.

Weíve talked about it with a few close friends. They all had the same reaction as us. The consensus is that my son is being bullied by his fiancť. I hope he will see the light. I donít want him to be heartbroken.
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Old 04-13-2019, 02:18 AM #14
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At least my husband is with me on this one as it effects us both. I deferred the handling of it any further to him. I canít tell you how good that makes me feel, that he will handle an issue. Iíve been handling others all by myself and itís been horrible.

Weíve talked about it with a few close friends. They all had the same reaction as us. The consensus is that my son is being bullied by his fiancť. I hope he will see the light. I donít want him to be heartbroken.
I'm glad your husband is with you on this. Unfortunately, we can't prevent all our children's heartbreak and pain, especially when they are adults. I don't see how he could ever hate you and, of course, you will always have love in your heart for him. All the things you did for him as a child do matter--they are his foundation whether he sees it clearly or not. Try to remember the happy memories. I pray that he comes back to you some day.
 
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:45 AM #15
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Renewed with strength this morning, weíre not going away so fast. We are going to try to talk to him and his fiancť and ask for basic respect, hopefully compromising with them to provide it so we can attend their wedding. If that doesnít work, we are calling her parents and doing the same. Fingers crossed.
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:48 AM #16
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I am sorry this is such a tough situation and I am sorry you feel like you would be judged and because of that do not want to share.
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Old 04-13-2019, 01:29 PM #17
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I really like your approach at this point of letting your husband try and trying to negotiate. It is great that he is taking some of this off your shoulders. When he will participate, my partner is better at being the good cop. We used to be a good tag team , but he is just tired from all his medical issues.
Weíll be pulling for you! Hugs!
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Old 04-13-2019, 03:50 PM #18
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I am sorry this is such a tough situation and I am sorry you feel like you would be judged and because of that do not want to share.
Yeah, my apologies for not revealing certain information for this reason or for privacy reasons. I realize Iíve done this in other threads too. I didnít think that bothered anybody. However I gave enough information for anyone to help me with the issue and my feelings.
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:32 AM #19
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I hope I am not violating PC rules. I like to post for my own benefit, even if no one helps me.

I am going to apologize to my on for anything I may have done that made him angry. I am going to tell him anything he does is acceptable to us, even though it deeply hurts us. We are going to get through the wedding day, pumped with meds.

So much for boundaries, I am eating the shyt sandwich. I canít bear to be estranged from my son. Though, I expect everything bad to keep happening, and this is a hopeless situation.
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:48 AM #20
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PC is for venting too.. it isnít hopeless. The future stretches ahead so many years. When the grandkids appear, the priorities will change. Also someday you may need all of the members of the younger generation to look out for you! Yes, get past the wedding with all its emotionality. Itís just one day vs all the years ahead. Try mindfulness to enjoy the beauty of the occasion- the flowers, the pretty dresses, the cake etc. I will use your good example to use patience in my own situation.
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