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Old 04-10-2019, 12:29 PM #1
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Iím so sad to lose the relationship with my son.

Heís taken it too far in his disregard and disrespect with me, and now Iíve expressed my feelings of hurt about it loud and clear.

So, I expect to have little to nothing to do with my son and his wife-to-be and any children they may have.

All I can do is pray he will have a change of heart and express his love and respect for his parents. But, I doubt that will happen. Heís made his defiance quite clear.

How very unfortunate and shytty.

I couldnít love anyone more than I love him. I thought I was a great mother. I am shocked he would intentionally stab us in the back. I know in my heart it is his fiancť behind his attitude. But still, my son is responsible for his actions towards his parents.

Who the hell did I raise?

Whatís a mother to do? I donít want to give effort or money to this upcoming wedding at all. I donít want to support this union at all now. I guess I just wonít call or do anything.

Iíve deferred to his father to handle it with our son. Iíve already stated my disappointment and hurt in his choices. We had accepted his fiancť and tried to be supportive of the wedding, but now he did something unforgivable and pushed it too far.

I see the writing on the wall. There will be nothing but friction with this girl at every turn. I give!
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Old 04-10-2019, 02:08 PM #2
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He knew how hurt weíd be, and he went ahead and did it any way. His reason he stated (BS) for doing it was the level 1 out of 10 in importance, while our reason for hurt is 10 out of 10. Still, he went ahead and hurt us.

I donít ever want to get into it again with anyone over anything! Why does shyt keep getting flung at me?

God is obviously punishing me for whatever I must have done. I must deserve this.

I could not have been a good mother and have my son callously hurt me, which he has done several times now since moving in with his fiancť. He never did anything wrong before, nor did I!
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Old 04-10-2019, 02:50 PM #3
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Are you able to share anything specific? I mean if you are comfortable? I am newish here so I am not familiar with your situation. I can share about what the journey has been with my daughter but I dont want to share about it if it has no bearing on your situation.

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Iím so sad to lose the relationship with my son.

Heís taken it too far in his disregard and disrespect with me, and now Iíve expressed my feelings of hurt about it loud and clear.

So, I expect to have little to nothing to do with my son and his wife-to-be and any children they may have.

All I can do is pray he will have a change of heart and express his love and respect for his parents. But, I doubt that will happen. Heís made his defiance quite clear.

How very unfortunate and shytty.

I couldnít love anyone more than I love him. I thought I was a great mother. I am shocked he would intentionally stab us in the back. I know in my heart it is his fiancť behind his attitude. But still, my son is responsible for his actions towards his parents.

Who the hell did I raise?

Whatís a mother to do? I donít want to give effort or money to this upcoming wedding at all. I donít want to support this union at all now. I guess I just wonít call or do anything.

Iíve deferred to his father to handle it with our son. Iíve already stated my disappointment and hurt in his choices. We had accepted his fiancť and tried to be supportive of the wedding, but now he did something unforgivable and pushed it too far.

I see the writing on the wall. There will be nothing but friction with this girl at every turn. I give!
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Old 04-10-2019, 02:56 PM #4
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Iím afraid if I do, Iím going to get jumped on here. People may judge that they donít like that we feel strongly about this issue. We feel traditional, and he wants to denounce who we are and who he is and dishonor his heritage.

And he gave such a BS reason for it! A total lie I am sure. The true reason is she is putting pressure on him to do it.
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Old 04-10-2019, 03:42 PM #5
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Thank God he told us now. Had he not, this would have become evident at the wedding. Visions of me turning into Carrie ensue!
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Old 04-10-2019, 04:24 PM #6
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Sounds like a cultural thing. If your son is young, you alll still have a chance of coming together. And remember how emotional the time around weddings is. You all may decide to take a deep breath, step back,and make sure you dont do anything you cant undo later.
I have a lot of problems with my 40 yr old son. He doesnít get my disorder and his wife is very low drama. They sometimes say of her that her dad raised her to be the boy he never had. I am definitely a girly girl. Sometimes I wonder if her family is warning them against letting their kids be alone around me tho I was an elementary teacher for 15 years. They have no mental illness in their family. I need to have some long talks with them, but we live in the next state and my husbands health isnít good. Thanks for the reminder to me that some things are the most important of all.
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Old 04-11-2019, 03:31 PM #7
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I wanted to be low on drama. I tried to be mindful of everyoneís feelings and make everybody happy.

After this initial shock wore off, I still donít feel any less strongly and have the same opinion moving forward.

When you have to put your foot down, you just have to. The consequence will be estrangement from my son.

Even if I had gone along and said nothing, I feel there would have been nothing but disrespect and conflict continuing in this relationship, coming from my sonís fiancť but through him toward us.

I feel she is being abusive to him, and he is doing whatever she wants.

Praying for some miracle for this girl to knock it off and we all get along... but knowing that wonít happen. So then praying for son to be strong and find happiness however that may be for him.
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Old 04-11-2019, 04:33 PM #8
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My son and I enjoyed a wonderful relationship. Heís the most precious kid. We NEVER had a disagreement or argument. I never had to discipline him in any way. He never did anything wrong. He had friends, girlfriends, his hobbies and interests, never a problem.

Ok, there were two girlfriends that we had to show concern and guide him into breaking up with them as they were outrageously high drama. One was in middle school and one early in high school. There was another nice high school gf who we said was the only normal girl he had brought home then. She smiled, looked you in the eye when she spoke, and just seemed like an average, decent girl. I never had any problems with any of his girlfriends as though I was jealous in any way that he had them. He had gfís since preschool. He just loves the ladies... I see, he gets too under their thumb. But, he didnt get that from me. He wasnít too under my thumb, either. We had a very healthy, loving relationship!

So, I sent this awesome kid to college. Six years later, he is completely defiant and has no qualms about hurting his parents by denouncing everything he and we are. To please this girl!

What did I do wrong? Why is he doing this?

Maybe I can still talk calmly with him and get this issue under control.

My h and I refuse to eat the shyt sandwich. Weíre damned if we do or if we donít.

Maybe a sweet, loving talk with him and her can get them to have some compassion.
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Old 04-12-2019, 04:27 AM #9
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So something of zero importance, that he says he decided to do because he thinks it sounds fun, was something he refused to back down from regardless of how it is enormously hurtful and offensive to his parents.

I had to draw a boundary and say we just wonít be a part of it, standing there while he dishonors us like that.

Iím sorry I am not the super easy going type of parent who could have such unconditional love in my heart that I would stand there and let my son dishonor and humiliate me.

I feel small, unloved, and extremely unimportant.

I think the universe is telling me that I cannot get out of the woods of situational depression, because the hits just keep on coming.

All I can do is try to find purpose. I have much to give. I can find deserving recipients.
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Old 04-12-2019, 07:27 AM #10
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We have a lot in common. I had to finally set a big boundary with my son Jason recently. I too am the one,not my ex, who sets any limits with him. We mainly have a personality clash. He also was the perfect kid you described (tho not as many girlfriends) until puberty. I was a single parent for many years and it was tough financially and in the toll it took on my anxiety and depression , but I was high functioning and worked until retirement, tho not making much money. We did joint custody with no child support or alimony, which was my idea s a feminist. Often men dont pay anyway so I figured I would just stay friendly with my ex and it would be better in the long run and it has been.
Tho my son dated a girl in high school who has since become a doctor (damn, I think we would have gotten along great), he married, with my blessing a girl who loves sports like does and is basically wonderful. He has always had no problems with his dad because his dad is so laid back he is almost asleep LOL . Hence I have to plan and decide EVERYTHING.. So I am the one who has to push anything that might not go over well with everyone in the extended family. The pressure of that makes me stressed and impatient.
However, we were basicallly OK until Jason has become overwhelmed with 2 little boys (5 and 8). He coaches both their baseball teams and plays on an adult league of his own. I think thats way too much and have told him so. He is passive aggressive with me, accepting my talkative super planner personality until all of a sudden he is being really short with me in a bickering mode, then blowing up and ranting at me. My ex does nothing to stop him so that puts us on the outs as well.
So now I am insisting that my daughter in law be with us at all times as a buffer. She will not always side with me, but he doesnít do the really outrageous behavior in front of her.
I just bought a van, my hope being that having wonderful adventures will prevent the bickering from even getting started. There are many places the little boys should really see in this wonderful country of ours. Since things were going downhill with the pressure of my exís serious medical conditions(which I manage totally), this is a Hail Mary move, but I really think it will work.. I CONSIDER THE THING OF ULTIMATE IMPORTANCE TO BE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GRANDKIDS FOR THE FUTURE. I cant be around my son if he is going to treat me w disrespect, but I will fight for the relationship w my grandsons. Fortunately, California, where my grandkids live, has grandparents rights laws. I hope I never have to use them.
Sweetie, my thoughts and best wishes will be with you. Hugs!
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