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Old 03-13-2020, 04:31 AM   #1
MsLady
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Trig Inappropriate Behaviour

Long story.

A few months back I saw grandpa rubbing my 2 year old's nipples after he picked her up off the floor and plunked her on his lap on her knees. He is 70 years old. This happened in front of me, dad, and granny. I am the only one in the room who witnessed it though.

Our daughter mentioned that grandpa "tickles her nipples". She doesn't appear to like him. She stopped wanting to go over (heavily crying) while dad dropped me off at work - something we regularly did her entire life.. until we started having her come with us. She started tickling my nipples too, a couple times, during feeds (I breastfeed her at night).. which was unusual. She started saying she didn't like granny and grandpa anymore... not sure why granny? They always had a close bond. Now when she talks about the people in her "circle" (she initiates) dad, granny, and grandpa are never mentioned. She often tells me she doesn't love dad, either.

Grandpa admitted that he "probably has" tickled her nipples but is "unaware" of it. Dad and grandma believe he's unaware and wouldn't have done so intentionally or sexually.

I questioned dad if grandpa could be dealing with early symptoms of Alzheimer's. He is adamant that he is not and did not ask his mom about it. All conversations with his parents about this has taken place without me. Dad talked with them about boundaries, watching his hands when hugging, etc. The next day we ran into him and when he gave her a hug, he cupped his hand over her nipple and held it there for the hug. He then kept it there afterwards and looked into her eyes until she pulled away with a frown. I told dad this and he had another talk with them.

Dad and I created a safety plan because they live 3 doors away and dad is very close with them. My daughter and I spoke a lot about boundaries, body parts, etc. We talked about grandpa, the tickles, secrets, etc. It was agreed that dad no longer take our daughters to their home without me. No more babysitting and physical contact apart from high-5s and ONLY if she initiated it.

Our daughter has mixed feelings about him. Afterall, she's seen him nearly every day of her life, even just for 5 minutes. He's played on the floor with her, paid her a lot of attention, etc.

Today I find out dad's invited grandpa out on their outings while I'm at work. He's allowed her to hug grandpa since he claims she's initiated. She's never hugged him when she's with me. She barely wants to say hi.. but around dad, she's giving grandpa hugs? Makes me wonder.

Dad says he doesn't think our safety plan is necessary. He feels he's protecting our daughter and that grandpa is now more careful. I'm not sure how he's protecting her though, if he's not taking precautionary measures, having any conversations with his daughter about the safety plan/boundaries/etc. He never gave her reminders after her first hug to grandpa.. and if grandpa were to "accidentally" slip, it would already too late. Dad also never mentioned to me he's allowed physical contact and that he felt it was unnecessary until today.

Dad wants to be supportive to how I feel but says he "just doesn't see things like I do" even though he hasn't witnessed these incidents, himself. He says I see his dad as a "monster" that he is not. He is in denial that there's a problem. I'm overreacting.

Dad also says grandpa has always had boundary and control issues. He was once scolded by a parent for touching their child inappropriately but "doesn't remember" what happened because he was just a kid at the time. I asked him if it was sexual in nature and he said he didn't know... so, NOT a NO. Inconclusive.

Our family has been affected greatly. Alzheimer's is apparently "not an issue" even though we're not doctors. Preventative measures apparently is "unnecessary" and so I am now the problem. Afterall, our (now) 3yr old has opted to give grandpa hugs now. What's my problem?

What do I do? I'm scared to go to counseling in the event they will take action if they feel we are not keeping her safe. Granny used to babysit and we no longer can so are unable to even book an appointment. Am I overreacting? Is there something more I need to do?

Last edited by bluekoi; 03-13-2020 at 07:20 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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Old 03-13-2020, 08:46 PM   #2
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Default Re: Inappropriate Behaviour

Whether grandpa is aware or not.. If person makes a child uncomfortable there should be NO touching and certainly never leave the child alone.. I wish my parents would have noticed something was off.. I screamed bloody murder if my Uncle came near me, But I was scolded for being rude.. this was back in 70's.. I wish I had been brave enough to tell my parents what he was doing but he told me he would kill them as when are a child you will believe that.

So do whatever you need to that will keep your child safe if someone doesnt like it?? too damn bad
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Old 03-15-2020, 12:57 AM   #3
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Default Re: Inappropriate Behaviour

Your duty is to protect your child regardless of your husband's opinion about his dad.
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