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Old 04-10-2012, 07:42 PM #11
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Default Re: Welcome to the Histrionic Personality disorder forum

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Originally Posted by justforher View Post
I am not sure how to do this or what to say. My daughter is 13 yrs old, she is warm, caring, fiesty and so much fun, at least those are the postive twist I can put on things. She was diagnosised a few years ago with ADHD, but the medication and counseling has not been able to help her. A lot of her behavior has progressed to scary thing, she is right now in a residental program to try and straighten her out. At 12 yrs old she was having sex, doing drugs, drinking, sneaking out at night, had over 3000 friends on facebook (a lot of grown men she didnt know), putting up video and pictures of her in a bra and underwear, stealing and physically abusing me and her sister if we tried to say anything. Her counselor at the program has finally said she believes ADHD is not my daughters only issue, finally someone looking beyond so maybe my daughter can get help. I know diagnosis usually are done at an older age, but everything I have read about Histrionic Personality disorder screams my daughters name. I know I need an official doctor to finally listen and look at everything (although all they ask is if she is sleeping, eating, etc normal with her meds), but I want to help her....I want her to have everything she deserves. So I am here, to make myself more supportive and understanding for her. She does not feel her behavior is wrong at all and I am sure my constant frustration about what she does is not helping anything. Is there anything I could do/should do to be supportive and helpful? Also, a quick thank you....I quickly looked at some of the threads, it actually felt good...I felt some hope. If I can find someone that understands her maybe I can help her better.
One thing stood out to me in this post: Her behavior is not 'wrong'; she is just sick.

I'm 37 and have had this probably since 14 or so. I wish my mom had not pegged me as 'bad'. I wish my mom had not condemned or judged me. I wish my mom had not seen my behavior as wrong or bad. I wish, instead, that she had listened to me. I wish that she had understood that my behavior was likely caused by never having felt loved or paid attention to. I wish instead she had talked to me openly and NONjudgmentally about sex and men. Most important, though, I wish that both my parents had taken the time to see me for me, to take me out one-on-one once in a while. I needed love, and the bottom line is, people with HPD felt or feel starved for love and affection. I wish my mom had loved me.

I hope this helps in some way. I'm happy to PM and answer any questions you might have. I'm also a high school teacher, and I work with tons of teenage girls, if that perspective might help as well.

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Old 05-22-2013, 04:52 PM #12
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dealing with my husband that all of a sudden has issues that are surfacing and has ruined our marriage.
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Old 12-13-2013, 12:38 PM #13
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I have HPD and its a hard thing to cope with....when you finaily realize you do what you do, for love and attention, from anyone, the lying is a coping mechanism to seem more improtant, becasue you feel empty without the approval from someone else, the need for appreatation is the main thing, i started acting out about that age as well, 14 now Im 35, been therapy for years, was misdiagnosed for years, but good luck
I never realized I was seeking attention by the clothes and jewelry I wore. I never left the house without being "picture perfect". Yet, I'd come home feeling empty. I finally know why. I can now leave the house without my earrings matching the necklace, which matches my clothes and the interchangeable watch bands which, of course, matched everything. Sure has cut down on my shopping/spending! I had a garage sale and made over $100., selling matching sets of jewelry for $5.00.
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Old 01-29-2014, 12:21 PM #14
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I notice that my behavior much of the time is very attension seeking and flirticous and it needs to stop.

Its helped contribute to a sex addiction later on in my life and the side effects of having this personality disorder have not been a very good thing for me at all.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:36 PM #15
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I just joined PC a few moments ago and don't know if you are still around or if you will get this. But I wanted to encourage you and praise you for being here as a Mother seeking to help her child.

I have not actually been diagnosed with HPD but everything I have read about it also screams my name (as it does your daughter). I am 27, and I can tell you that my enslaving craving for approval has led me into such destructive paths, that I recoil at the things I have done, and ways I have hurt the people I loved.
If I can help you to help your daughter in any way, in order to keep her from going down the paths that I have, and landing where I am today - I would definitely do that.

I also think that of all people, YOU as Mom is the IDEAL person to help your daugher. I know that a lot of my craving for attention and approval is due to a lack of positive affirmation and physical affection from my Mom. Maybe you did the best you knew with your daughter (and I feel confident about that because of the fact that you are actually HERE on these forums trying to help her). But maybe it is possible that you (or her Dad) weren't speaking your daughter's love language and though you tried to communicate your love for her, it was not actually received. Therefore, from her side of things, there may have been some degree of 'perceived' rejection. If your daughter is sleeping around with men, it is very likely she did not have the kind of affirmation and physical affection she needed from her Dad during her formative/developmental years.

I understand you can't exactly go back in time and do things differently. But I think the best you can do right now, is to continuously shower her with love. Go out with her alone and let her Dad go out with her as well (I really think it is important for her Dad to get involved with her life). Communicate in words, letters, cards etc that you love her and that nothing she has ever done, or can do will change that. Talk to her about men. Talk to her about what it means to be a lady. Take interest in the things she is interested in.

Someone once said that the more you love your child, the more you hate in him/her the liar, the drunkard, the betrayer. So I think it is perfectly normal and loving to hate the things in your daughter's life that is destroying her and others. She may not be able to see now the things she is doing are destructive; but trust me, HPD brings a lot of destruction and heartache in a person's life.. eventually. It would be hard to see the pain this will all eventually cause your daughter, but it is a painful reality. The truth is, she won't desire help until, she reaches that place where all her relationships crumble, and the sex, drugs and alcohol no longer fill the empty, gaping, black hole in her soul.

The kind of collapse that usually happens to people with HPD (as it did with me), will eventually lead her to seek help. So my advice is to do everything to make it sink into the very marrow of your daughter's bones that you will always love her, that she will always be welcomed home, and that you will always do anything for her greatest good, no matter the cost. If you can do this, your prodigal daughter will come back to you one day, ready and willing to receive your love, support and most of all: help. And that is the best thing you can give her.
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Old 05-02-2014, 05:51 PM #16
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Well said, seeking truth, well said.
Kudos.
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Old 06-22-2014, 06:45 PM #17
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I am sorry to hear that you need to deal with this. It is very painful and up to now, we did not find a professional that could really give a good direction about a treatment for her personality disorders. As Justforher just described, I can see my sister with the same problems. My sister is 37 years old, after becoming a mother, she slowed down that behaviour of showing off, get attention at any cost. However, reading about personality disorder, I found out that she has more than one: she can fit in the Paranoid personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder, Histrionic personality disorder,Dependent personality disorder. As I am not a professional in psychology, I would like to know if someone can suggest a therapy or professional that works with personality disorder. As she is not aware that she is wrong, we need to take her to treatment. What I understood up to now is that not all professionals in the psychology or psychiatry are aware of personality disorder and its treatment and this unawareness make me very frustrated. She went for a therapy and the therapist already ended the therapy saying that there was not much to do after a year therapy. But my sister still lies, spends money out of control, compromising with things she cannot stand for...anyway, if someone knows how to treat a person with multiple personality disorder, let me know here.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:13 AM #18
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Default Re: Welcome to the Histrionic Personality disorder forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee777 View Post
I have HPD and its a hard thing to cope with....when you finaily realize you do what you do, for love and attention, from anyone, the lying is a coping mechanism to seem more improtant, becasue you feel empty without the approval from someone else, the need for appreatation is the main thing, i started acting out about that age as well, 14 now Im 35, been therapy for years, was misdiagnosed for years, but good luck
Wow...I know this is an old post, but I too have been diagnosed with HPD, and yes...I have been misdiagnosed over the years. In fact, it was I who initially thought I may have a cluster B disorder. At first, I thought I may have NPD but as I delved further it became apparent that I was not (the whole "empathy" thing...My wife tells me often that I care too much for others). Perhaps I was misdiagnosed because I am male and HPD doesn't often occur im men. IIRC it is something like 4% of those diagnosed are men.
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Old 12-16-2015, 01:21 PM #19
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Welcome to Personality Place. I don't have HPD but was diagnosed with Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified several years ago and thought more than 20 years ago that a PD might explain the continuing dysthymia I was having then. Long story, I've written elsewhere on PC, won't repeat it here.

Are you continuing with a therapist you have seen before or consulting a specialist in personality disorders? There's been some progress in recent years in recognizing personality disorders but good treatment, as you probably know, can sometimes still be hard to find. It's not easy, still what are the options?

I'm pretty sure that I would have qualified for OCPD 20 years ago, if they were diagnosing PD's much then, and most people with that are men. And I've been in a general mental health support group with a man who has had some long standing mental health issues and I'm pretty sure he may have HPD -- but the group doesn't talk about diagnoses, he isn't in therapy, so I don't know for sure.

Wishing you the best.

Last edited by here today; 12-16-2015 at 02:32 PM.
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Old 12-16-2015, 09:01 PM #20
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Welcome to Personality Place. I don't have HPD but was diagnosed with Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified several years ago and thought more than 20 years ago that a PD might explain the continuing dysthymia I was having then. Long story, I've written elsewhere on PC, won't repeat it here.

Are you continuing with a therapist you have seen before or consulting a specialist in personality disorders? There's been some progress in recent years in recognizing personality disorders but good treatment, as you probably know, can sometimes still be hard to find. It's not easy, still what are the options?

I'm pretty sure that I would have qualified for OCPD 20 years ago, if they were diagnosing PD's much then, and most people with that are men. And I've been in a general mental health support group with a man who has had some long standing mental health issues and I'm pretty sure he may have HPD -- but the group doesn't talk about diagnoses, he isn't in therapy, so I don't know for sure.

Wishing you the best.
Thank you for the reply HT, and yes I am in therapy (if you want to call it that). They have me currently scheduled for a full DBT class beginning next month. And I will be signing up for a program that will have me come in to the unit in the morning, stay all day in classes and leave in the evening to come home.

I was the one that researched it after having an emotional affair with two women and it almost destroyed my marriage. My wife is a wonderful woman and has opted to reconcile with me provided I seek help to which I am fully committed.

After a few one on one sessions with my therapist and some tests, she reaffirmed the diagnosis. I even asked pointedly a few months in "Are you certain I'm a histrionic and not just bipolar?" to which she replied "I can usually spot a bipolar fairly quickly and you're not that."

The reason I asked is because when a woman is paying attention to me, my elation and exuberance is off the chart, but if I'm not receiving external validation, I tend to dig myself a deep, dark whole and wallow in it. thanks again for taking the time to reply. Take care.

Last edited by MountainRunner; 12-16-2015 at 09:25 PM.
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