[mermaidsoup]

Hello everyone I hope you are doing well today.

Today my Doctor signed me off work for 4 months so we can focus on treating my worsening depression. It was that or be dragged kicking and screaming to the hospital against my will. I have treatment-resistant Major Depressive Disorder with stress induced psychosis. My Doctor says my case is a little bit unique to him because I have a history of pulmonary embolism in response to hormone treatment- threw a clot last year and almost died, all thanks to my birth control pills So he is extremely wary to start me on an anti-psychotic medication. He's getting in touch with a medical specialist who works for the manufacturer of Latuda to see if that drug is an option for me. My family doctor has given me strict orders to not take anything that is going to mess with my hormones though so she'll probably ask him to not put me on it.

Tried CBT, find it helps a bit, currently waiting to get in to a coping skills group but not looking forward to that (probably my anxiety talking). I mediate and try to get some light exercise in everyday. I'm going to be honest, I hate meds. They scare me and I've had such unexpected side effects from even simple things like ibuprofen. Right now I'm on Pristiq but today I was just upped past the max. recommended dose and we are trying 150 mg now to see if it will do anything to help me. I feel like I'm on a prescription pill roller coaster. My symptoms are getting intolerable, if I could I'd shove a whole field of cotton in my head just to get the voices to shut up and stop encouraging me to go lay down on the train tracks outside I battle against suicidal thoughts and fantasies on a daily basis.

I'm wondering if ECT would be a viable option for me. I am doing a bit of reading and it seems to have a pretty promising success rate for MDD. I'm so young though, am I jumping the gun on this? I'd really love to hear from anyone here who has undergone treatment or has experience with ECT and MDD. I find the procedure fascinating, and a little bit frightening. If it means I could have a chance at being stable, even for a bit, I'd be willing to take any risks.

[kaliope]

hi mermaidsoup
I understand the med rollercoaster. I seem to get all the contact your dr immediately side effects myself. I tried about evry med there was, sometimes a month, sometimes for two weeks, until I found something that worked. I hate meds myself, but I hated where I was at more. it took years to find the right meds for me but life is so much better now that we have found them. I imagine life without them a lot, but then I remember what life was like and grudgingly take those pills so I don't have to go back. one thing that really helped me manage my emotions was dbt. I know it is for bpd, which I don't have, but it is all abuot mindfulness which was really helpful.

I have a friend who suffered severe depression and she did ect. she did more than was recommended. she felt it worked somewhat. but it took away her good memories too. being so young, you don't have as many memories to lose as she did. we got together and took her on a trip down memory lane to retrigger what she had lost. she was able to remember some of it. ect didn't work as well as she wanted it to. she wanted it to all go away but she still had her problems afterward she had to work thru. it wasn't the be all end all for her she thought it would be. it took a few years for her. she found something she was passionate about it life as an interest and let go of the past and that is what finally did it for her.

I was depressed and suicidal for thiry years. it took the right meds and the right therapist when I had hit bottom and knew I had to do things different or I would be dead. it all seemed to click for me and I got that magic wand I had been seeking all those years. it wasn't like I hadn't tried in the past. I had tried everything...cept meds.......I wish you luck...take care

[shabur]

I'm an MDD lifer, too. Even with meds I still needed to undergo ECT to get me out of the deepest, darkest depressive episode I have ever experienced. When I was hospitalized I was moments away from ending it.

ECT did work, but it doesn't cure depression. It's used to treat episodes to a point you can control your depression by other means. You can under go maintenance treatments as well.

I did experience memory loss beginning just before I was hospitalized and lasting for a few months after I was done. But my some of my memory did come back as people filled in the blanks.

Actually undergoing ECT is not a big deal. You are under anesthesia for a very short period of time, while they are performing the ECT. I was groggy after for several hours and I was nauseous as well, but that's how I've always reacted to anesthesia.

It's worth discussing with your T.