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Default May 28, 2016 at 11:36 PM
  #1
I normally think of myself as a low spend person, but certainly not very frugal. I'm not a spendthrift either, as I like to get a lot of my items on clearance, online consignment, or from ebay where it's super cheap.

Unfortunately...recently my husband gave me a "talking to" about reducing my discretionary spending. He said we weren't broke, but we're not rich either and we need to be more mindful of where we put our money. I get that, and I agree with it.

The thing is, I know I need to reduce my spending but I always find some way to justify it. For instance, I lost 30 pounds and a lot of my clothes stopped fitting me...they looked very baggy and unsightly, and some were so big they'd look unprofessional at the workplace. I sold them to an online cosignment, or have donated some and we'll get a tax write-off. If it's not that, then I justify it by saying I'm updating my wardrobe because I'm over 30 and a lot of the items in my closet wouldn't be appropriate for me to keep wearing anymore. Whatever it is, I always seem to find a way to justify it by saying "I'm buying it cheap."

It's still a problem because I am still spending money. I took some time to think about why I'm doing it, and I think it's because I'm trying to fulfill an emotional need. I don't have a lot of friends, I don't have any female friends who I could hang out and spend time with. My life is basically going to school, taking care of errands, looking for a new job, spending time with my husband, and health care.

Does anyone else ever have this problem? What did you do to catch yourself when you were out at a store and thought "oh, that would be so nice to have"? I've thought of asking myself, do I NEED it or do I just want to get it on impulse? Asking myself that question doesn't always work because I always find a way to use whatever I'm buying lol. It's kind of pathetic, and I need some pointers.
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Default May 29, 2016 at 05:50 AM
  #2
Do you keep a record of your spending - my wife does (she is a bit like you) and the record helps her control her expenditure.
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Default May 29, 2016 at 11:35 AM
  #3
Maybe preload a Visa or Mastercard each month with X amount of money that you and your husband can agree on and once that's used up the shopping will have to stop until the next month.

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Default May 29, 2016 at 04:45 PM
  #4
I have similar issues with spending. I've managed to cut down on spending on many items by wandering around for a while either with them in my hand, or before I pick them up. If I can manage to forget about it during my wandering, or if I manage to talk myself out of it during my wandering, then I leave without it. It works for a bunch of stuff. It manages to pull the impulse out of the purchase. My problem is, it doesn't work all of the time. The cash card sounds like a good idea. I might try that...

I think understanding that I was spending to fill a void helped with being able to walk around and counteract the impulse spending. I keep reminding myself it doesn't actually make me feel better in the long run. It actually makes me feel worse when we have no vacation money and no savings of any kind.
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Default May 30, 2016 at 12:01 AM
  #5
The cash card won't be a viable option as my husband thinks those encourage more spending because you can always put more money into it, without seeing how the money's involved with other bills. I do keep track of my spending, and my husband found out it's not as frequent as he thought, but we'd still like for me to reduce it.

I think I have a similar problem as you, ThisWayOut. If I go to the mall, I'm more than likely to wander around and find something to purchase. If I avoid going to the mall, my purchases are going to be a lot less. In the past I was good as convincing myself not to go, because of all the people, driving through traffic, etc. Now it's nicer and I want to get out and do whatever I can.
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Default May 30, 2016 at 05:31 AM
  #6
To be honest, I just can't get into keeping track of what I spend right now. But I'm a young adult with a more basic financial system due to having few assets. I mean me and my fiance have our own place, but we easily save up money each month without trying.

What changed my spending was pretty simple. When I saw something I liked, I would think of reasons I didn't need it. Not reasons I did. This would usually trump whatever lingering ideas I had in my head about wanting/needing the item and I would just look at it longingly and put it back. Eventually I was able to think of the reason's I didn't need the item, and be able to put it back without feeling any sadness lol. My fiance sometimes has to sit and wait for me as I clutch some lovely thing at the mall and tally up the reasons I don't need it before I set it back down.

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Default May 30, 2016 at 09:53 AM
  #7
Hi, Strive4health. I'm having some of the same clothes-buying problems you are. I'm a new widow and only have 2/3rds of the income we use to and all the money is back to being wholly in my hands. I'm feeling sorry for my husband, understand better the position he was in asking me not so spend so much!

I'm having success with a one-month moratorium on spending. Last month I had to use my savings to bail out my credit card and I don't have enough savings to do that again! I was only able to partially bail so I had money on my credit card starting this months instead of a clean slate. Talk with your husband and set yourself a limit and practice sticking with it?

I wish I had worked harder to do that while my husband was living; I have to learn it now whether I want to or not and it's much less forgiving/friendly all by myself :-( What I'm doing on the clothes front is working harder on not caring what I think others think/see but on doing the best with what I have and not doing the "oh, just one more top/pair of pants/sweater, etc.," at least for this month!.

Get caught up for a month or two being "good" and then give yourself a small reward? Make a list of what you would like instead of just buying it? Investigate costs of the seamstress at the cleaner taking in the pants or other clothes you have? Don't buy new, give yourself $20 cash from your personal budget every month and go to Goodwill/other thrift places for an item or three? I was giving myself $100 cash a month but I noticed I wasn't spending it that fast so am experimenting with only $60 cash.

If you have a few things you are responsible for buying, "areas" of money you spend, experiment with one less book, cheaper dishwasher soap :-) (I had an epiphany on Cascade's 6x, 8x, 10x soap, which should I buy? and realized they all have to work, who cares if I have to rinse the dishes first, I do that anyway? So buy the cheap -- they aren't going to sell it if it doesn't sell/work) but make things a game; can you budget/predict how much your grocery bill will be and get it down $10? If you and your husband give yourself a budget, get below and you can have that extra?

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Default Jun 01, 2016 at 11:03 PM
  #8
I think I will have to go for a longer moratorium-- like a quarter long? There's a lot of family stuff going on this summer that requires me to buy new clothes for events. My husband thinks it's okay for me to make those purchases, but I have been asking myself "gosh, do I need another green top?" Haha.

What helped me put it into perspective lately was re-evaluating my wardrobe. I took out all of the items I no longer wear or don't like, and estimated the dollar amount. I couldn't believe what it was...:/ What I might do to recoup a little bit of the cost is sell it to consignment and then save that money. I want to avoid rewarding myself with more clothes if I make it through a moratorium.
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Default Jun 08, 2016 at 02:18 PM
  #9
Is he cheap for a reason? Life experiences, a common goal mortgage payoff etc anything? Is he looking to be controlling? Well, if you love him, you picked him so better do what he says. Keep secrets and spend at certain time money and prove your cut backs if you got caught ever at all lol. That seemed like a viable reason weight lost. Most times I controlled all the money and bank accounts so I don't really have experiences with a man controlling money, in most cases. I have never or know anyone that spent impulsely as the norm. Well you are going to argue for something sounds like it really healthy.
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Default Jun 09, 2016 at 05:41 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Strive4health View Post
I normally think of myself as a low spend person, but certainly not very frugal. I'm not a spendthrift either, as I like to get a lot of my items on clearance, online consignment, or from ebay where it's super cheap.

Unfortunately...recently my husband gave me a "talking to" about reducing my discretionary spending. He said we weren't broke, but we're not rich either and we need to be more mindful of where we put our money. I get that, and I agree with it.

The thing is, I know I need to reduce my spending but I always find some way to justify it. For instance, I lost 30 pounds and a lot of my clothes stopped fitting me...they looked very baggy and unsightly, and some were so big they'd look unprofessional at the workplace. I sold them to an online cosignment, or have donated some and we'll get a tax write-off. If it's not that, then I justify it by saying I'm updating my wardrobe because I'm over 30 and a lot of the items in my closet wouldn't be appropriate for me to keep wearing anymore. Whatever it is, I always seem to find a way to justify it by saying "I'm buying it cheap."

It's still a problem because I am still spending money. I took some time to think about why I'm doing it, and I think it's because I'm trying to fulfill an emotional need. I don't have a lot of friends, I don't have any female friends who I could hang out and spend time with. My life is basically going to school, taking care of errands, looking for a new job, spending time with my husband, and health care.

Does anyone else ever have this problem? What did you do to catch yourself when you were out at a store and thought "oh, that would be so nice to have"? I've thought of asking myself, do I NEED it or do I just want to get it on impulse? Asking myself that question doesn't always work because I always find a way to use whatever I'm buying lol. It's kind of pathetic, and I need some pointers.
You could think of other ways to reward yourself and treat yourself, then begin practicing doing those things instead of spending. Maybe a yoga class, use a relaxation CD/download, read library books, get set up with a creative hobby like painting or crafting (of course, initial spending would be needed). If you're in therapy, spend some exploring this in depth, and learn about what need is being attempted to be met.

Good luck!
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Default Jun 11, 2016 at 07:11 AM
  #11
Spending can be habit forming and habits are hard to break….But I am now addicted to Saving …a much more empowering way to live. I am now 100% debt free and saving to build another house. I have a dreadful fear of being caught without funds if I were to become very very ill…you never know when it will start raining.

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Default Jun 12, 2016 at 11:16 AM
  #12
Get a hobby besides shopping. You'll meet people, possibly make friends, and have something to look forward to every once in a while.

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Default Jun 28, 2016 at 10:37 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
Get a hobby besides shopping. You'll meet people, possibly make friends, and have something to look forward to every once in a while.
FWIW, shopping isn't my hobby. And I do have other hobbies, thanks.
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Default Jun 29, 2016 at 05:53 AM
  #14
I try to not go into stores at all when I want to make sure I don't spend money/bring more crap into the house. I add stuff we need to shopping lists and put off going to the store for as long as possible. Sometimes I learn that I can live without whatever it was I thought I wanted...

But replacing your wardrobe when you lost weight, that's just something that costs money. Do you already have a budget for what you will spend on the wardrobe refresh?
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Default Jun 29, 2016 at 11:38 AM
  #15
I actually have been doing good since I created this thread. When I go to the store, I don't have that urge to spend other than what my list(s) say to purchase.

As to the wardrobe, I don't have the replace everything. Most of my clothes fit well, but there were a dozen items or so that became way too large and I replaced those. I typically stick to a quarterly budget, and I compare my spending habits to the average spending habits. It turns out, I wasn't spending as much, or even half of the typical person.
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Default Jul 11, 2016 at 04:05 PM
  #16
I am by no means the expert on this, but here goes...

When I feel the urge to shop, and online shopping makes it easier and therefore that much more dangerous, is that I put the stuff I want into my shopping cart and let it sit there, or remove it and save it for later. I try to look for things around my house that I can use, because I went through a period where I was spending so much money on things that I couldn't remember what I bought by the time it was delivered to my house. So chances are, I already have what I was looking to buy anyway. Having to rely on cash or debit instead of credit helps. I have to make a grocery list and stick to it religiously so that I don't buy junk food. I've had to dial down my expectations and buy cheaper brands of clothing and personal care items instead of "status" items. I can really rein it in when I have to. But I struggle with shopping as maybe not so much an addiction, but a way to deal with my anxiety.
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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 11:50 PM
  #17
Work in progress but I try staying off Amazon (I have a habit of going there bored and as a result of bad ordering everyone is getting bath bombs for Christmas!!!😂&#128514 but I have tried buying cheaper, trying to spend no more than fifty dollars on a shopping outing and trying to time my house payment around my last payday of the month so it doesn't hit as hard. I do tend to get bored and go shopping but I do watch it more....its still a balancing act and I have stressed more about money than I use to.....my aunt said it is a balancing act
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Default Nov 30, 2018 at 04:26 AM
  #18
((((Foo Fighter)))) You can do it!
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Default Nov 30, 2018 at 07:40 AM
  #19
I go to the grocery store every couple days and buy what is BOGO. I work around that to plan meals. If I buy something full price I have to really need it, or I’ll wait until that item is BOGO.

I buy new clothes only when I really need them. You can find really nice, designer clothes on sale so cheap sometimes. I just bought a bunch of Free People items for $10-25 per item from $80-150. Crazy sales sometimes.

After 25 years married we have accumulated way too much stuff. So nothing else is coming into the house. There is no room. We need to sell or donate stuff as there is now a bedroom piled up like a storage unit and I just closed the door. Can’t deal with it.

A smaller house is a good idea to keep possessions from expanding. We don’t use all that stuff and it is only something to have to clean. This makes me so nervous!

You’d be surprised how little you need and use.

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Default Nov 30, 2018 at 07:48 AM
  #20
I struggle with spending a bit too much as well.

Recently I have been doing a better job of this. I have been thinking about how budgeting is similar to losing weight. I’ve been working on both and it comes down to not eating that extra snack... or not buying that one extra little thing... Simple but very difficult for me to do in the moment.

I don’t go to the mall but I do like to shop online. I think it’s a way of distracting myself from boredom or feeling sad.
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