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Old 10-09-2018, 05:55 PM #1
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Default I Live in Poverty. Do you?

I am doing everything in my power to get myself out of poverty. Just briefly, I am gathering every resource around me, pulling my skills and talents together to earn a living for myself and get OFF of welfare. A lifelong dream come true for me would be to empower others to do the same.

Raised in a violent, abusive environment by my sadistic, manipulative, narcissistic psychopath mother and my two older sisters she groomed to be her thugs, I barely remember any of my childhood. It is almost an entire blank. Catapulted into alcoholism, my self-destructive behavior could have cost me my life and the lives of others. I would not get professional help until I was in my thirties.

That professional help would cover thousands of hours of psychotherapy, recovery and sheer determination to gain and maintain relief. I faced my self-loathing, self-destructive, fragile self to heal my wounded self-esteem. Now, today, I am happy, productive and going forward.

Our mindset is key to everything. Our self-esteem determines everything in our lives.

E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

Look around you. You see reflections of your self-esteem, your personality, your “you”.

If you want to improve your surroundings, you must improve your self-esteem.

That may sound simple, but it can take years of hard work and dedication to better yourself. It is also the most important work you can do for yourself because, as you heal and grow, people around you change. People will enter your life and leave your life. You will gain a clearer understanding on how life works and you will want to embrace changes because you see the genuine, lasting benefits. This work is worth every tear you shed, every negative emotion you face and get through because you will feel good about yourself. No alcoholic beverage, drug or self-sedating behavior can produce that long-lasting happiness feeling good about yourself produces.

Now, when I was in full swing self-destruction mode, I felt terrible about myself. An idea of what I could do to better my life would cross my mind, then I would pounce on it degrading myself.

I hope you are wondering why.

Because those three monsters I wrote about in my second paragraph instilled my hateful internal dialogue which I repeated to myself nonstop. I grew up hearing it with no one to tell me different.

Can you relate to what I am saying? Do you have a nasty inner dialogue in your head? I have worked on that also, and while mine has not gone away completely, it is much better than it was because my self-esteem is healing.

That nasty dialogue kept me using alcohol and living in poverty. My self-worth was almost non-existent and my life reflected that.

But, as I got through my mental health impairments and felt happy and motivated, I realized something ALL of us have buried under our pain and wounded selves: the ability to live happy and productive lives.

If you are not living the life you know exists deep inside you, you need a plan and solutions to reach it. That can be in many forms, but for me, it began with professional help and reading every book I could find that covered topics I needed to understand. I discovered Dr. Nathaniel Branden and his books on self-esteem along my way. I encourage you to look into them.

Now, the most powerful habit I have made second nature is accepting what is bothering me. There were a lot of monstrous thoughts, but there were several that took me time to realize they had to go because I was used to them flying around in my head. I pace myself carefully because I want these good habits to lock into place. Plus, taking my time allows me to be thorough.

Accepting what we cannot change is crucial to healing. It doesn’t mean approving of what happened. If it is part of your reality, as unfeeling as accepting it sounds, it can heal you and even open the way for you to manage it easier. Your emotions are trying to get your attention to let you know you have work to do. Those nasty, painful feelings have to go. They are not part of your natural makeup; they don’t belong to you. If they were part of you, they would chill out and settle down.

Once you get through them however suits you the best, they weaken. Some will require more time. Everyone is different. You do what works for you. That is your privilege and responsibility.

For me, the worst I had to face was my reality where my mother and two older sisters abused me routinely. I cannot remember one happy time. I cannot remember any Holiday celebrations and only snapshots of two birthdays. I remember what school I was in by the state where we lived, but I cannot remember the names of all my schools or the names of my teachers.

Was that painful to get through? It almost crippled me but I got through it. I kept going back to it to make sure I worked through it the best I could. I was in psychotherapy then and my therapist suggested hypnotherapy because I could not figure out why I kept sabotaging myself. We did that, and I recorded the session so I could work on it at home. I listened to it several times a day and cried as much as I needed. I wanted that behind me and I worked hard on it. Not long after, maybe a month, I felt real happiness. That was a first for me; I had never felt real happiness before.

Another benefit for me has been writing about my experiences hoping to inspire others to seek the answers they need, plus, let them know they are not alone. There are millions around the world who can relate to what each of us is going through. The events will be different but the underlying emotions are the same. Shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and more; we share these. And if we do the work to get past them and heal, we can help others if they want.

Accepting our painful emotions to heal them is natural. And, I have yet to experience anything that brings me more authentic joy than empowering others to better their lives.
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Old 10-09-2018, 07:12 PM #2
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Great start to a thread! Can you link in from your other thread so that the totality of the discussion shows?

I grew up in the middle class but I would say there's a mixture of upper middle with lower middle in my family lines.

When I divorced with 3 kids in tow, I hit rock bottom and have stepped up slowly but surely. When I have expressed summers of handwashing clothes in the tub, although I maintained rent, I literally had no cash to do laundry. I mean the child support ceased for a couple of years sooooo....

I have earning potential so, it's been a combination of advancing when opportunity presented itself and using a budget app and going without.

I live in a poverty stricken community and this is actually a topic of interest to me.

The thing about charity is such that yeah it's kind but it's awkward as well. For instance, Thanksgiving. Do you know how many people either don't eat turkey or don't like it? But yet.......it's one of those things that arrive in overabundance around next month...

Financial Insecurity is interesting as well. I used this expression recently but I never returned to say that I think I was misunderstood. It's about living paycheck to paycheck or not knowing if another check is coming or being trapped into a less than ideal job because it's about keeping food on the table or a roof overhead and needing to tolerate situations is stressful in a most unhealthy way.

Anyways. I hope this evolves into something great.

Thanks.
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Old 10-10-2018, 08:56 AM #3
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Hi, healing4me,

Like this?

This thread began here:

We Need a Thread or a Board for Poverty and How Abusive It Is.

Omg, honey, bless your heart! I hear you, I do. Do you work? You said you have earning potential. I can't work an 8 hour job, ft or pt. That is why my energy goes into developing my writing, plus, I love to write.
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Old 10-10-2018, 09:03 AM #4
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

HappyCrafter, it'll get better when you have a job... so don't worry about anything (even though it may be ridicuously hard.) Remember, you come first.
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Old 10-10-2018, 09:33 AM #5
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Hi, LonelyChemist,

Your Yeehaw mood makes me smile and laugh. You know, I am not worried which is good because I can think clearer that way. I am looking into ways to generate income through my writing because I can't work a ft or pt job because of my health issues.

I thank you for your kind feedback and encouragement!
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Old 10-10-2018, 12:33 PM #6
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

HappyCrafter, VERY well said and well written!!! I am very sorry you had the experience you had in your childhood. I cannot fathom not remembering and having that sort of abuse in my life. I'm very sorry. However, you are making your story into writing, and you are helping others who need it, and that is something to be VERY proud of. I can certainly relate to having low self esteem. I would love to heal mine. You have inspired me.

In regards to poverty, and living in poverty, I would like to point out something. I think it is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, that you are working so hard, and have employment and quality of life goals you want to achieve. Because of this, I think you will go far. What I want to point out. Is that it is not all about the person in poverty and what they're going through. In the USA, at least, the system is messed up. It's not all your fault that you are in poverty or that it is hard to get out of. There is a system at play in this, and as my friend says: that system is "****ed UP." I say this, because while it sounds like you are not being hard on yourself, and I'm glad, I hope that if you are ever hard on yourself, you can know that it is not your fault. You may even already know this.

Yes. I do live in poverty. I don't feel the stigma. Because I have resources, maybe. I don't know. A car. A financial cushion. I know I wrote about that some in my posts to you in the feedback forum. I DO think though, that mentality can play a part in our situations. Whether we caused it, or someone else did. I noticed, that I have been thinking of myself as "mentally ill / a mental patient," for a long time. It is so unhelpful. What if I thought of myself as "a professional"? "reliable." "hard working and reaping the rewards of my hard work" "someone with strong work ethic." I think these words would help me a lot more that the first I put. I also want to get off of disability, SSI, and live a more independent life. While the reality is that my drug of choice is avoidance, I try everyday. I do my best. My best is not always great. It's not always facing what makes me anxious. But I am doing my best. Edit: I DO feel the stigma of unemployment. Very much, at times. It's hard, but I don't think the entire world and their mom is judgmental and non-understanding. But I have a hard time with that, sometimes.

I take medication that costs a LOT of money. And if I went off medicaid, I don't know what I'd do if I lost that medication. Die maybe? I've been on it for years. So that is a scary thought. That's part of what I mean when I say our system is ****ed up. Who would allow this? Big pharma. The United States Govt. I really have to research how to get my medication if I start working. It's a huge concern of mine.

Ending on a positive note, well done, on writing this post, HC. And thank you.

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Old 10-10-2018, 01:16 PM #7
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Beautiful post. I agree that self-esteem is very important. Unfortunately, I don't know how to work on it

One of my biggest fears is to end up in poverty... I'm afraid it will become reality, one day.
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Old 10-10-2018, 01:24 PM #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
Beautiful post. I agree that self-esteem is very important. Unfortunately, I don't know how to work on it

One of my biggest fears is to end up in poverty... I'm afraid it will become reality, one day.
Honey, I thank you for your kind words! I didn't either; I had to see a therapist to manage that and all of the toxic waste from my family that buried me, emotionally.

Do you see a therapist or anyone who could guide you along that way?

Landon aka Happy Crafter
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Old 10-10-2018, 01:39 PM #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KnitChick View Post
HappyCrafter, VERY well said and well written!!! I am very sorry you had the experience you had in your childhood. I cannot fathom not remembering and having that sort of abuse in my life. I'm very sorry. However, you are making your story into writing, and you are helping others who need it, and that is something to be VERY proud of. I can certainly relate to having low self esteem. I would love to heal mine. You have inspired me.

In regards to poverty, and living in poverty, I would like to point out something. I think it is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, that you are working so hard, and have employment and quality of life goals you want to achieve. Because of this, I think you will go far. What I want to point out. Is that it is not all about the person in poverty and what they're going through. In the USA, at least, the system is messed up. It's not all your fault that you are in poverty or that it is hard to get out of. There is a system at play in this, and as my friend says: that system is "****ed UP." I say this, because while it sounds like you are not being hard on yourself, and I'm glad, I hope that if you are ever hard on yourself, you can know that it is not your fault. You may even already know this.

Yes. I do live in poverty. I don't feel the stigma. Because I have resources, maybe. I don't know. A car. A financial cushion. I know I wrote about that some in my posts to you in the feedback forum. I DO think though, that mentality can play a part in our situations. Whether we caused it, or someone else did. I noticed, that I have been thinking of myself as "mentally ill / a mental patient," for a long time. It is so unhelpful. What if I thought of myself as "a professional"? "reliable." "hard working and reaping the rewards of my hard work" "someone with strong work ethic." I think these words would help me a lot more that the first I put. I also want to get off of disability, SSI, and live a more independent life. While the reality is that my drug of choice is avoidance, I try everyday. I do my best. My best is not always great. It's not always facing what makes me anxious. But I am doing my best. Edit: I DO feel the stigma of unemployment. Very much, at times. It's hard, but I don't think the entire world and their mom is judgmental and non-understanding. But I have a hard time with that, sometimes.

I take medication that costs a LOT of money. And if I went off medicaid, I don't know what I'd do if I lost that medication. Die maybe? I've been on it for years. So that is a scary thought. That's part of what I mean when I say our system is ****ed up. Who would allow this? Big pharma. The United States Govt. I really have to research how to get my medication if I start working. It's a huge concern of mine.

Ending on a positive note, well done, on writing this post, HC. And thank you.
Oh, honey, I thank you for your compliments! And, yes, I have seen your posts where you mention you have resources. I am glad you do! Being without them is hard. And I hear you on poverty is not my fault. Poverty is man made and has been around since the beginnings of civilization.

I hear you on your meds; I would be scared too if I had to go without them. You probably know this but have you looked into drug insurance? That may not be the right word, I use Cigna and my meds are affordable. There has to be a solution for you somewhere.

Great insight on changing your thoughts to being more positive and productive! Our mental health does not define us! We are much more than mental illness. We are human beings who face daily battles most would run from. That is pure courage.

Again, I thank you for your compliments!!!
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Old 10-10-2018, 01:56 PM #10
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Default Re: I Live in Poverty. Do you?

Other people tell me I live in poverty. Others that I know work and they have everything new. I don't care about old stuff as long as it works. I think it has more character. People complain my furniture isn't nice. But I like it, I don't like theirs but I don't say that out loud. I have a whole world in my head. Do they? I enjoy nature, the seasons, the sky, and that is free.

I'm wealthy for being a world citizen. I have clean water, hot water, plumbing, food every day, a lock on my door, clothes, food for my cats, my cats and a computer and an Internet connection.

I have friends, especially one close friend.

I feel like I have EVERYTHING.

I don't even have a bike in a biking nation, less a car. But my friend sometimes drives me, we do have buses and trains and I am good at walking. I don't have extras like Netflix or a Spotify account. I recently found money enough to buy home insurance...

I use public legal streaming services for talk radio, movies and TV-series. Big Youtube fan.

They can try to shame me all they want. I still don't wanna switch places.
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