advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
NewSmoke15
Member
NewSmoke15 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2017
Posts: 40
5 yr Member
Default Apr 16, 2018 at 10:39 PM
  #1
Hey guys, so for a while I thought I had autoandrophilia (a female who fantasizes about having a penis) until more recently believing myself to be trans. I'm not sure though.

I want a penis for sure. No doubt about that in my mind. But when it comes to other aspects of being trans, I don't feel as strongly.
I don't want to wear a binder, (I have small breasts anyway, so they don't interfere much.) but I don't care to have breasts either. Having a masculine chest does appeal to me though.

I don't necessarily desire to be called male pronouns, but I wouldn't mind it either. Recently I went to visit some elderly extended family members and saw some I hadn't yet met. (I recently got my hair cut to be like a male fauxhawk.) and they called me a boy. I only felt uncomfortable cause my family was there.

Surgery is terrifying to me. The thought if having people cut into my flesh and tear things out and move them around freaks me out. The thought of having to recover for months is scary. I've watched a few videos on youtube about trans guys talking about surgery. One guy had massive scars on his left arm. Which is scary.

I know that I can't live my life like this. I LITERALLY cannot have sex without having a penis. (I mean physically I can, but you know what I mean.) It makes me furious that most people are born and don't have this problem. They wanna have sex? All they gotta do is find someone who will let them fit their genitals into the other person's. They wanna masturbate and orgasm? They just have to do it.

I can't. I have to go through surgeries and pain and recovery and fear and hormones and taking time off of work and all this ****. Just to experience what 99% of people just get to wake up and feel I ****ing hate it.

On another note, since I only really desire to have a masculine body, but don't necessarily want to "be a man", does that mean I am non-binary? Calling myself a woman or a man both feel wrong. But I want a penis and masculine body. Is this just me very slowly coming to terms and not fully being there yet? Or is it being non-binary?
NewSmoke15 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Skeezyks, Stone92, Wild Coyote

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Apr 17, 2018 at 01:24 PM
  #2
I'm afraid there's not a lot I can offer here. But, since no one has yet replied to your post, I thought I would. Gender Identity Dysphoria is something I've struggled with my whole life. It's only quite recently that I think I've finally reached a point where it simply no longer matters.

The one thing I know is that gender identity issues can be extremely confusing. The contradictions I've struggled with throughout my life are too numerous to count! The good thing, nowadays, is that issues related to gender identity are finally out in the open. And there seems to be a general growing acceptance of them. When I was young gender & sexuality were simply not considered to be fit topics for converation. (Most people wouldn't have even considered there was a difference.)

Anyway... the other thing that's available nowadays, that wasn't when I was young, is counseling & mental health therapy. And it's my personal opinion that it's important for anyone struggling with gender identity issues to find a therapist who is experienced in working with people who have gender identity issues. So my hope is that this is something you are doing... or if not that it is somethng you will do as soon as you are able. I wish you well...

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Wild Coyote
 
Thanks for this!
NewSmoke15, Wild Coyote
Wild Coyote
Legendary
Community Liaison
 
Wild Coyote's Avatar
Wild Coyote has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
70.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Apr 17, 2018 at 07:26 PM
  #3
I think only time will answer your question.

Gender is "fluid." It can change. You can end up anywhere on the gender spectrum.

Please do a lot of research, as last I knew, the surgeries for transforming female genitalia into male genitalia have not been very successful.

Gender Dysphoria can be very depressing. It is to be taken very seriously. Suicide attempt rates are very high within the Trans* community.

I hope you have a good therapist to work with as you sort this out.

My heart goes out to you.


WC

__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.

Last edited by Wild Coyote; Apr 17, 2018 at 08:03 PM..
Wild Coyote is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Stone92
Member
 
Stone92's Avatar
Stone92 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2018
Location: MN
Posts: 132
5 yr Member
80 hugs
given
Default Aug 20, 2018 at 05:57 PM
  #4
It's possible that you're non-binary, or a man. Only you can decide that. But I want you to know, it's very normal to have complicated feelings about transitioning. It's normal to feel strongly about certain parts of transition, and not others. So if that's what's making you hesitant to call yourself a man, I want you to know that's something most trans guys struggle with.


It all depends on what makes you happiest. And you can change your mind about what that is. If being a man or a woman doesn't fit you, then you don't have to be either one! Non-binary people struggle with those feelings, too.


Something that helped me come to terms with beings trans was this little exercise: If the primal force or being of your choice came down from their throne, and gave you permission to be what you wanted, how would you feel?
Stone92 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Albie
Member
Albie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: East coast
Posts: 98
5 yr Member
9 hugs
given
Default Sep 09, 2018 at 06:30 AM
  #5
Only time will tell, do you have a therapist to help you sort all this out? Surgery is a big deal to have from both a physical and mental perspective. I had some done and while it has helped me is some areas it has also opened up other areas that I have to deal with now
Albie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3
EnviousRobin
New Member
EnviousRobin has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
5 yr Member
Default Jan 03, 2019 at 05:05 PM
  #6
(I have to avoid speaking on your surgical worries, as they are fears I have myself but I'd like to speak about some of your other points if that's OK.)

I found a quote a while ago that I really loved. I can't remember exactly how it went, but the gist was;

"It doesn't matter if you feel Trans, or want to Transition. What matters is how much more comfortable you feel when someone uses the right identifiers." and/or "How happy you could be while looking into a mirror."

Some People don't experience Dysphoria, or all forms of it; and that's OK. They are still valid. Gender, and Sexuality is a spectrum. Sometimes they fluctuate, and sometimes they don't. The only person who can answer those questions is yourself, but it doesn't hurt to speak to a Gender Therapist about them.

I'm Non-Binary (TransMasc), and use Masc pronouns. But it took me a very long time to figure out. I tried on a lot of titles, and used a lot of different pronouns with my friends. Like trying on a pair of pants to see if they fit, or if you like them. Sometimes finding our identities is easy, and sometimes it's an adventure. Both ways are OK.

Good Luck on your Journey.
EnviousRobin is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:32 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.