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Old 01-06-2019, 04:06 PM #1
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Trig Straight Cis Female dating Trans Lesbian

Have you ever looked back on a dating situation and wished you could be granted a re-do?

Over the Summer, I was casually dating the most brilliant and talented woman. We would occasionally kiss and make out if we felt like it but she always made it clear that she was still in love with her ex, which I completely respect and understand. For that reason we were mostly friends, although my affection for her was growing. She struggles with depression and has flareups where she feels suicidal so my main concern was being a supportive person in her life. It was very difficult because the depressive episodes were intense and there were several occasions when I would run over to her house, having to look into windows making sure she was safe.

My friend ended up getting back together with her ex girlfriend when her dog died and now she can't see me even in friendship due to her girlfriend's jealousy and serious M.I. She is very much in love with her and at the moment, her safety and stability seems to hinge on whether or not it works out with the ex. - sad but true, so I've had no choice but to comply and steer clear.

During her flare ups she said that her ex is "the only one" who accepts her just as she is. What I'd like to know is how I could I have best conveyed my acceptance of her? She would frequently wear boy drag, which I didn't mind, and I didn't have any preference but that she felt comfortable but I always see her as a woman. Is my being a straight girl somehow incompatible?

I feel bad and keep wondering if there was something I did to hurt her feelings.
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Old 01-07-2019, 02:52 PM #2
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I'm probably not the best member, here on PC, to be replying to your post. But I noticed no one else has yet. So I thought I would. (Hopefully there will yet be some other members who will yet reply.) From my perspective, I don't know if this is really a transgender question so much as it is a relationships question. But perhaps that's just me.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though there are simply a whole lot of things going on with your friend... to say nothing of her ex. I don't think I myself could say if you did anything to hurt your friend's feelings. I'd need to know a lot more about what actually occurred between the two of you... probably more than it would be practical to write in a post here on PC. Based on what you wrote though it sounds like you did your best, under complicated circumstances, to be a good friend.

Personally I doubt your being cis-gendered had a lot to do with how things have worked out. I suppose it's possible since your friend is transgender & lesbian, & her ex is presumably lesbian, the fact that you're cis-gendered simply meant that there are life experiences, emotions & assumptions LGBTQ people would naturally share that you could not. And that being the case, it would perhaps make sense that your friend would return to her ex. There's really nothing you could do about that. It's simply a matter of you & your friend having grown up in different worlds so to speak.

The one thing I think I know for sure is that we can never know what's really going on in another person's mind. So, in the end, the best we can sometimes do is to watch & see where they walk, so to speak, allow them the freedom to do so & be there for them to the extent they will allow should the opportunity arise. That's about what I think I can say. My best wishes to you...
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Old 01-08-2019, 07:39 PM #3
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Default Re: Straight Cis Female dating Trans Lesbian

Thanks so much for your reply, Skeezyks. I really appreciate it. I believe the right thing to do is respect her wishes and move on. I'm disappointed though. I really am in awe of her and it feels like our romance never really got off the ground. To be honest, she said some hurtful things to me, such as, "I am not in love with you and I never will be." I guess I respect her honesty but it still hurt. Being honest with myself about everything feels best but ... the truth hurts. Moving on....
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