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Old 01-28-2019, 08:37 PM #1
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Tongue i'm so confused but idec anymore

ive been confused about my gender identity and sexuality for year now and all ive been able to know for sure is i do like guys and i can find myself turned on by women. my gender is still an enigma but im currently kinda happy with just being androgynous, sometimes more feminine, sometimes more masculine. i do want to try to find label for it eventually since it's still rather confusing but for now i'm fine with just kind of experimenting , wearing a makeup and corsets one day and muscle shirts and heavy boots the next. can i maybe get some kind of advise from people who have dealt with gender issues? idek, i kind of just wanted to admit this to other people but advise would be appreciated as well.
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Old 01-31-2019, 06:43 PM #2
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Smile Re: i'm so confused but idec anymore

Thanks for sharing this concern here on PC. I know you also posted this in the sex & gender issues forum & received one reply over there. I believe I read another of your posts where you mentioned you're 17. I'm not that much older than you are. I'm 70!

I can't really be of help with regard to the labels thing since I'm not that familiar with all of the different labels people have come up with over the past few years. Way back when I was young, none of that even existed. What I can tell you is that I'm male & have always lived as a male. But, while I've always been decidedly heterosexual, I've also had a life-long struggle with my gender identity. (I could write a very long post with regard to that. But I'll spare you the details.) Anyway, as a result of all of that, I at least presume I know a thing or two about gender identity concerns.

The one thing I know about gender identity concerns in particular (& it may sometimes be true of sexual orientation issues as well) is that they can be devilishly confusing. Like I said above, I'm 70 years old now & I still haven't figured it all out. But then, for most of my life, all of this stuff was kept deeply hidden. So there wasn't the opportunity, for most people, to figure it out. The advantage people have nowadays is that concerns related to gender identity & sexual orientation are out in the open & freely discussed.

At age 17, I think it may well be possible that some or all of the questions you have will simply resolve themselves over the next few years as you become an adult. (The way you're handling things now seems to me to be a great way to go.) But, if the concerns you have don't resolve themselves, then I think the thing to do would be to find a therapist who is interested in, & has experience working with, clients who have gender identity & / or sexual orientation issues. What's important, to my mind, is to talk all of this through at-length & in-depth with a knowledgeable person. (I personally don't think that, in general, this can be done with friends or family.) Allowing unresolved gender identity & / or sexual orientation concerns to continue to rattle around through your thoughts can be, to my mind, a prescription for ongoing confusion & unhappiness. You have to throw open the doors & windows & let the sunshine in.

Anyway, these are my thoughts with regard to your post. Thanks for the opportunity to reply.
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Old 05-01-2019, 04:00 AM #3
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Default Re: i'm so confused but idec anymore

Iím not sure I can help, but feel compelled to respond, just to put in my opinion, regarding labels....I personally donít recommend this, I donít think itís healthy for people/anything else to employ labelling. However, I know the importance of how/why labels are. I relate so, so much, to your androgyny. I too, am very confused about my sexuality (and am a great deal older!) for what itís worth, keep on being yourself x
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Old 05-01-2019, 04:08 AM #4
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Default Re: i'm so confused but idec anymore

I don't think labels are necessarily helpful. But if you are looking for one, I know some of my friends have adopted the label "non-binary" to indicate that they are neither entirely male nor entirely female. They prefer the pronoun "they" rather than "he" or "she"

That said, I see you live in Texas. I do too, and I know a lot of people here are pretty rigid in their views on sex and gender. In fact, I think they even made a law saying you have to use the bathroom based on the sex on your birth certificate (although how it's possible to enforce that I don't know). I mean, it's not like you carry your birth certificate around with you. Are public bathrooms an issue for you?
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