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Creepeh
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Member Since: Dec 2018
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Default May 01, 2019 at 02:30 AM
  #1
I go back and forth between being fine with my gender and then being unhappy with it.

I'm afab(assigned female at birth). But then I'll have a dream about being a guy and be the happiest I've ever been in my life. But I wake up feeling sad when the dream is over.

Having these dreams makes me wonder.

I've tried identifying as a guy before. It made me happy when people saw me as one and I passed. But I also felt stressed out all the time. Because I was afraid of being treated like a guy and treated roughly and such.

I've been trying to figure out myself since high school. I'm 21 now and still confused.

Can anyone offer any advice or help?

Also I do experience dysphoria of the chest.
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Default May 01, 2019 at 05:15 AM
  #2
I am disassociative so sometimes I am young girl and sometimes an old pervy man imitate my birth man (moms abusive boyfriend) I have been in therapy two years and spacing is improving sometimes I stay girl for long periods.
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Default May 01, 2019 at 05:18 AM
  #3
what are your personality changes when you morph from femme to man? do you crossdress?
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Default May 01, 2019 at 09:39 PM
  #4
First off, there's no requirement that you have everything figured out by a certain age. You'll get there. Finding support and people you can talk to, in person or online, will help so you're on the right track. I'm a LOT older than you and just figuring these things out in my own life. When I was growing up there weren't any options to be other than what I was assigned at birth so I'm a late bloomer I guess.

I've had dreams like that too. Something that's been very helpful for me is to slowly shift the way I present to a more masculine or androgynous appearance overall. No sudden changes just find bits and pieces at a time that make me feel good. I can't wear a binder due to health reasons but you might want to try one out. Experiment and see what makes you happy. Experiment with gender labels too. You aren't limited to the binary.

Even if you decide that you are trans, you don't have to be a particular kind of man. You don't have to present yourself like a guy who wants to be treated rough. There are many ways to be masculine, or even be a more femme man.
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Thanks for this!
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TransLexy
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Default Jun 26, 2019 at 03:16 AM
  #5
There's post-op prosthetics for ftm trans. You don't even have to transition to use one! I think one of them lets you feel stimulation too. There's lots of goodies that the label peddlers don't tell you lol. And they're good size too!

Before you commit.....which can take as long as you decide to......have some fun with going back in forth, literally! Then as you experiment you'll end up learning more about yourself.
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