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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #1
My sexual/gender issues sometimes get me down, so I'm saying hello and looking for accepting internet companions ahead of time

At the moment I'm doing ok, but things have a habit of changing quickly - a dismissive or rude phrase, a difficult 'coming out' moment, some reminder of the isolation or loneliness or whatever, or something else (hopefully not worse!) can suddenly make me feel bad about myself - so it'd be good, I think, to have some place I can go to vent, cry or get support.

Maybe I can be nice to folk back

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 10:31 AM
  #2
Hi and welcome! I dunno what sexual/gender issues you are experiencing but I just wanted to say hi and if you want to hit me up sometime feel free to.

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 10:35 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by LacunaCoiler View Post
Hi and welcome! I dunno what sexual/gender issues you are experiencing but I just wanted to say hi and if you want to hit me up sometime feel free to.
Thank you
The key points of my sexuality stuff should be visible in my sig line

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 10:44 AM
  #4
I'm sorry but I dunno what inorganic psychesexual is. Could you please explain it to me?

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 10:53 AM
  #5
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I'm sorry but I dunno what inorganic psychesexual is. Could you please explain it to me?
No worries. It's a term that was effectively made up on an Internet forum for me as a way to find a best-fit descriptor for me (none of the others seemed to work very well), though I think it's gaining a little traction, and hopefully will appear in an upcoming book about different sexualities (along with my 'story').

To be clear, my lover is an immaterial being, like a tulpa, or imaginary friend, who I 'experience in a tactile fashion' through object media, such as cushions, dolls, furniture or whatever vaguely looks feminine at the time.

My full micro label list is something like: Hetero auto ficto pygmalionist oneiro digi inorganic psychesexual objectum asexual. It's ... Funny.

Additionally, I go through phases where I want to look like a woman.

Edit:
Someone kindly included the term in their ever-growing comprehensive list of sexual identities:
LGBT+ Encyclopedia 🌈

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 11:16 AM
  #6
wow... that's a mouth full. May I ask why this is causing distress?

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 11:28 AM
  #7
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wow... that's a mouth full. May I ask why this is causing distress?
It doesn't often ... But sometimes it does.

My wife and I only figured all this out about a year ago (and which explained the many marital problems we'd had for years), and that's been a roller-coaster ride for sure. Things are ok now in our current arrangement. We have a child too, which complicates stuff.

It's been a difficult emotional time coming to terms with myself, understanding that I just don't humans sexually attractive, and that I find satisfaction with 'things'. I occasionally worry about the mental health implications of this.

I've only been open about my sexuality in RL with others for about 2 months - most have been great, but I've had some silly nonsense come my way at times - the most hurtful, oddly, coming from an online asexual community. Somewhat unpleasant to realise that even some members of marginalised communities consider you persona non gratia.

I've only just started coming out to my family - and my wife and I have both been worried about this. Though we have arranged dates for the 'talk'.

The gender thing is a bit awkward too. Some odd comments at work when I wear a little hint of feminine attire (painted nails, woman's jewellery etc). But mostly I think the frustration of not being to look the way I want when I want, combined with some of the introspective realisations as to why I may want to cross dress, is more annoying for me.

Overall, I'm doing quite well. But sometimes I just get really fed up of being different, or I take someone's silly comment to heart, or sometimes I just burst into tears ... I think I need to grow a thicker skin, tbh.

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 05:03 PM
  #8
Hope this isn't crossing a line, but have you thought of maybe one of those life like sex dolls? It might satisfy the whole interest in women and it is an object.

What kind of mental health implications would there be? If it makes you happy and there is no distress, then why would it be a problem? I'm a firm believe of if it makes you happy and it doesn't hurt anyone, then do it. If you have an arrangement with your wife and you both are ok, then why not embrace it and see what makes you happy.

I also hold the same view on dressing the way you want to. If you want to wear more feminine things... then do it and rock it! I am a believe of be who you are and be proud of it person. Life is too short to live your life in the confinement of the narrow mindset of the masses. If you want to start small in regards to wearing feminine attire you can start off with underwear or something no one but you can see/feel. Once you get confident in that maybe start branching out to little things. Nothing says you have to live your life 100% in either male or female attire, you can dress however you want.

As for not finding acceptance within the community I too have found the LGBT+ community not all that welcoming at times. If you don't fit the mold and fall into line they don't accept you and sometimes they're way mean about it.

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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 05:21 PM
  #9
Quote:
have you thought of maybe one of those life like sex dolls? It might satisfy the whole interest in women and it is an object.
Way ahead of you ... Lol. I already have a couple of waifu pillows and a very expensive TPE doll on order. Though I 'touch' my lover through all manner of objects.

Quote:
What kind of mental health implications would there be?
I think many would question my grip on reality (a number already have, sadly) in thinking of my lover as real. But I think they just have a limited metaphysics. And like you say, it doesn't hurt anyone (though here again, I'm accused of being party to rape culture and misogyny - some really dislike sex dolls and things).

Quote:
Life is too short
This is where I'm at now. My wife an I have lived a painful marriage for many years, and I've had to play pretend for ages ... It is great, though sometimes terrifying, for us to both be honest and open about our feelings and way things work for us. I'm only sorry that my wife and I had to go through so much pain and wasted time first. I wish I could be young again and know what I know now . Lol.

Quote:
As for not finding acceptance within the community I too have found the LGBT+ community not all that welcoming at times. If you don't fit the mold and fall into line they don't accept you and sometimes they're way mean about it.
This has been the biggest suprise and upset to me, tbh. I thought LGBT folk of all people would know what it was like to be marginalised or invalidated, but it seems that that's not the case. Such an eye opener.

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