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worknonit80
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Unhappy Jul 09, 2019 at 10:39 AM
  #1
I took a full year away from the dating scene. A year ago I had to walk away from my Narcissistic Functioning Alcoholic girlfriend. I needed the time to heal.
Brings me to my first date! She’s lovely, we connect, there is super vulnerability, the chemistry is there!
Three weeks in we go out and she breaks not so great news for me. She says I need you to listen... she goes on... “ I know I told you I cheated in my marriage, what I didn’t say is that it was with my boss. She is still my boss, still active in my life ( I see here everyday all day, she’ll go to my daughters softball games and we go out for drinks on occasion. My ex wife has no clue I cheated.”
I said is this still a thing??? She’s like no not really, but I cannot discount that I won’t sleep with her again. We are on friend terms now, but can’t say that won’t ever happen again. Says the odds are so low. Says this woman will not leave her husband or side piece for me. “
I asked well what if we get serious... and she says she would, she’s like ultimately I would go with her. She’s like but understand this “ I LIKE YOU A LOT, and I’m very introverted and I RARELY like anyone.”
I ended up ending it with her. She contacted me a week later seeing if I’d change my mind to see if I’d still date her and see where it goes. Ultimately I said No that we could be friends. She said okay. I’m at a loss here. My mind is saying she’s great and senses a huge connection and yes we had sex, against my better judgment. It was probably the most passionate and intimate experience I’ve ever had. I’m so lost. I know my brain is like RUN!!! But my heart hurts daily. I don’t even know how she cd be on a dating site knowing she has this type of feelings for her boss. She calls her boss her twin flame. I call her boss manipulating and abuse of power. I’m so sad... if she wd of told me in the very beginning I wd of never went any further. Help. What do I do? How can I make my heart understand what my brain does?
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Ezrigirl
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 02:55 PM
  #2
Well, I am a 29 year old lesbian, and I am also bipolar I.

Checking your profile, you only have depression. Your in better shape to be dating other women than me. We have accepted being lesbians, but we will not be fully accepted within the lesbian community. The question we have to ask, not who we choice to accept into our lives, but, who will accept us in their lives. Look at it at my viewpoint, the mainstream lesbian community wants to be accepted with the general public, and end being second class citizens. But, we have a mental illness, and were trying to be accepted in the lesbian community. So, that makes us third class citizens. In many ways, your in better shape than me. True, depression only is a problem, but it can lift and may be years before you have another depression. Society is better accepting depression, as there is a vast amount of people who has experienced the illness. You can find someone to share your life with. In fact, it may be a positive if your next girlfriend did or does have depression as well. People do seek there own kind with a life partner. You may have to accept, your long term girlfriend may have to be depressed as well.
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LacunaCoiler
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Default Jul 09, 2019 at 04:53 PM
  #3
It seems like you've already made up your mind on not wanting to be a third (forth?) wheel in the relationship. If you are looking for something serious I would advise staying away from the woman because it doesn't sound like she's looking for one. If you are just looking for some fun, then why not since you connected with her sexually (However, be careful of STDs since she has multiple other partners). If you are looking for a serious relationship though I would venture a guess that she wouldn't be opposed from straying from y'alls relationship if the boss, or someone else who catches her fancy, comes along. She already said she would go back to her boss if the possibility arises, so that will always linger in the back of your mind. Just my two cents. I hope you work this out.

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CrypticMaus
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 09:19 PM
  #4
Reading your post, I think you did the right thing. It sounds like what you wanted is totally not what she was willing to give. From what I gathered (and forgive me if I got the wrong message from this), you want someone who is just as dedicated to the relationship as you are. Someone who is in it for YOU, and who isn't constantly looking over their shoulder for another option. I'm the same way when it comes to dating, so you're definitely not alone.

I know it probably hurts right now, and I'm so sorry, but just know that time definitely helps heal these things, and I'm sure you'll be able to find somebody who matches what you want.
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Roamer1115
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 11:04 PM
  #5
You know what is right for you, so stick to it. Take all the time you need to find someone you want to date a second time. Get to know her and your own needs and want in a relationship and please don't settle for less than you want. Sure it takes work and no one is perfect but the general belief systems can match as the willingness to work on a relationship as it grows.

Best of luck and why not play the field and date not looking to jump more than even one date if you are not a fit and have hesitations with that person.
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