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usered
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Default Jun 03, 2014 at 01:20 AM
  #1
I've been struggling to find a guy therapist to talk to. I have some trust issues with women, but if I say that to a female therapist they don't react very well. Then that makes me feel even worse. I had to call four mental health centers before I even found one with a guy on staff. I'm wondering if any guys have had similar problems. I could talk with a female therapist, but it seems like it would save time and effort to just speak to somebody who has a little more empathy for my situation rather than trying to explain it. If anyone has had similar issues, how did you cope?
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Default Jun 03, 2014 at 12:09 PM
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I attended and completed graduate school in a clinical psych program about 20 years ago. Then, it was a female dominated profession as it continues to be. Best of luck in your search. You're paying for the therapy, and it is for you, so you set the parameters on what you think you need. Clinicians, despite their wish to be so, are not always right.
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Default Jun 04, 2014 at 05:44 AM
  #3
I have exactly this issue too. I dont tend to bond well with the women shrink who does the meds appointment but not a darn thing I can do about that. The T I see is female too although I know her quiet well now. Their is only 1 guy working in my area!!! just 1!!! and he is far far away and not a realistic option. The shrink though really is hard to get along with.

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Default Jun 04, 2014 at 09:39 AM
  #4
I guess it depends on where you are (rural/vs urban/suburban). While it's still mostly women, the numbers in my area mean that there are some men listed in the directory. But, I can understand why you would want that. I work with a woman, that is fine for most things, but several times, she has wanted me to discuss my sex life (or lack thereof, alas), and I told her I just wasn't comfortable being graphic with her, I would only speak in very vague terms, such as "I think I'm pretty normal". If I had a specific sexual issue I wanted to discuss, I would definitely go see a guy about that.
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Default Jun 04, 2014 at 04:23 PM
  #5
It is just how the field tends to be unfortunately. Generally males tend to be more concentrated in the bigger cities. I work in mental health, where I am at there is 2 males to 64 females.
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Default Jun 05, 2014 at 12:22 AM
  #6
Glad to know I'm not alone on this one. I've worked in healthcare before and my field was totally dominated by women. The last female therapist I spoke to didn't seem to be interested in helping, at all. From the moment I walked into her office she was defensive. Like I was just interested in attacking women and all men are wrong etc. I wasn't surprised. I don't hate women anymore than I hate mosquitoes, traffic, taxes, sunburns, or anything else. People deserve to be treated well and everybody should be able to get help if they need it, regardless of gender. Honestly, I felt so much worse after talking to her and she seemed as though it was some kind of victory for her. Who was the therapist and who was the patient? I'm amazed there isn't some training or education on this subject. I'm probably just venting now, but I would never, ever, ever, ever make a woman or a anybody else feel like that. How can a trained therapist do that? Even if she felt that way, isn't it her job to paint on a supportive facade and be the caring person she signed on to be? Vent her personal frustrations when she isn't on the clock? Men have feelings too. Men suffer from depression and all sorts of mental issues. Shouldn't everybody be able to get help? Worst of all, she is a crisis therapist. The person who talks to people at their darkest worst moments. I know I was beyond low when I called. That's why I called a crisis hotline. Men don't deserve to be treated like that, no more than women do. Every PERSON should be treated well and should have access to the care they need. No distinctions, no limits, period. Thanks again for all your support. I sure didn't get it from the crisis center. (What's worse, she gave me a phone number for a male therapist that was disconnected. So frustrating.)
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Default Apr 22, 2016 at 09:24 AM
  #7
I'm the opposite. I wanted to talk to someone specifically about my penis size concerns and my lack of any sexual history and the thought of sitting and discussing my penis with another guy just creeps me out. Plus I want to get a woman's perspective on certain things.

The downside is that it might be harder for some women to empathize as women never have to deal with penis size issues unless the hook up with a man with one but that's a whole different story.

But a good psychologist should know about body dysmorphic disorder which penis shame is.
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Default May 14, 2016 at 12:55 PM
  #8
I've had poor luck with nearly all male medical professionals. About 6 years ago I decided all my health professionals would only be female. I find women tend to listen better than men. This has worked great for me.

I knew it would be difficult to talk to a female therapist about sexual issues. But I knew I wouldn't talk to a male. It was difficult for me to bring up discussions involving sex, but once I did it became much easier. Now I can bring up penis size, orgasm difficulties, current relationships, sexual fantasies, etc., and my therapist has been receptive, has no biases, and makes no judgements. Talking to a male therapist about these topics would have never occurred. And I have been able to improve my issues significantly.

And talking to her emboldened me to seek out a trained Sex Therapist (also female), for issues beyond my therapist's skills.

I would recommend you find someone whom you feel comfortable with, no matter gender. Feeling comfortable will help to reveal intimate details. Especially if you are in an area under-served by male therapists.

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Shocked May 14, 2016 at 03:11 PM
  #9
The Skeezyks has mostly seen male therapists. They were dreadful! I also saw one female therapist. She was the most recent & was the best of the lot (which isn't saying much.) I live in a major metropolitan area. So one would think there would be many great therapists available. Wrong!!! Most of what's available are very young women with degrees in social work or marriage & family counseling. I don't see a therapist anymore. It's pointless...

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Default May 19, 2016 at 03:36 PM
  #10
I'm just the opposite I could never have a male therapist, I'm more at ease opening up to women.

But to your issue, have you looked online for therapists in your area? If you go online your insurance company (assuming you have one) should be able to give you a list of covered providers in your area. You can pick out the men and call to see if they are accepting new clients.

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Default Jun 13, 2016 at 09:06 PM
  #11
I too ran into this difficulty here in Phoenix, Arizona. As a thirty-something guy who has been struggling at wits end to find love, life, friends, and career, I felt like a man might understand me a bit better... particularly with respect to the romance department.

I managed to find a guy who was the best councilor up until that point (about two years ago), but he happened to be gay (I don't think there's anything wrong with that, mind you) and it was quite hard to explain the frustrations of the straight dating world to get any understanding/guidance. The few other male profiles I saw looking for therapists were older and very focused on marriages, divorces, and families as such which is a place far down the road from where I'm at as a single guy in a Millennial world.

My biggest struggle with therapy was been the lack of understanding of patients (i.e. me) context in the world they live/interact in.
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Default Jun 17, 2016 at 06:17 PM
  #12
Why would being gay make him less able to relate to your situation ? Relationships - seems to me are sought out by all people for the benefit of each . Have you looked at dating sites ? I have had similar frustrations with my own therapist and I think he is straight . He is married with two young sons but we keep covering the same material when we talk about me finding new relationships - healthy ones . I've been married for a long time and alone these past two years . 3 weeks ago I met with a "relationship expert " , a matchmaker ( I feel better in face to face encounters - people are not always who they purport to be on-line ) So, this service is costly and I'm not prepared to pay for it . I think there must be a lot of reasons people become therapists and some are not as good as others . I'm not a therapist but run support groups for people living with problems who often complain that the group gives them more than the therapist . My therapist is a "listener " - shares very little about himself , because as he says , " this is my time ." I would feel better about disclosing and being vulnerable if he would drop the " professional " stance and just let me get to know him - you know - outside of this role he plays . That's not going to happen ....so I'm "modeling what healthy friendship looks like with him - but we can never be friends . Last Spring he said he wanted me to think about ending therapy . I was blindsided - hurt really - I felt that he had been there for me for years and ending would be my option - and it still is - but it's just put a wedge between us .... How far can I go if my goal is not to be there anymore ? Do you know what I mean ? ( not much help for you , yah ?) Was there a time in your life when you felt like you have a connection ? Male or Female . Does the thought of being intimate with someone scare you ? When did it work out ? And what do you think made it work ? Why did it end ? Who ended it ? Was it mutual ? What do you like to do to enjoy yourself ? Have you tried Meet-up groups ? I have met a lot of good people in meet-ups who just share an interest like hiking -
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Default Jun 18, 2016 at 04:58 AM
  #13
I'm sorry... I don't have any clarity to answer any of your questions. I just don't have any value in the world around me. That's that.
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