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Old 02-19-2018, 01:33 PM   #1
itsgettinglate
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Default Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

No need to get in to specifics, but in general, do you feel like you can share here? If not, why not? Do you think it would benefit you to talk about some issues with men only or primarily with men?

For my part, I feel a bit stifled. I'm traditional enough that when I do open up about something on-line, I feel weird and I usually go away for a while. I suspect I'm reluctant to the extent that I buy into what I think I'm expected to do, which is to have my s*** together or to STF up about it if I don't.

As for talking to men, I'll admit that I'm not so sure that men only or mostly men offering support makes a difference. I may be less likely to say much, but I think I'd like to be less closed off with men. Anyone else feel similarly?
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:51 PM   #2
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

My main problem is writing on my phone. Voice to text isn't very reliable, but there's always that chunk laptop, but I have more work to do on it than using it as a gateway. Lazy, yes. But, at the moment I'm just cruising the forum with giving my 2cents worth. Soon
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Old 02-19-2018, 02:44 PM   #3
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Smile Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

Thanks for posting this! I have a few different problems related to the question you raise. (I will just mention that I do reply to posts in this forum when there is something specific I can offer.) I don't, however, as a rule post my own threads anywhere on PC. And most of the time, when I do, they're not about anything personal. I have posted a few personal threads in the past. But when I did I then felt so uncomfortable having them posted, I messaged the moderators asking to have my thread taken down.

The other problem I have, here in the men's forum, is that I have had a life-long struggle with gender identity dysphoria. So although I've lived a more-or-less typical male life, I don't really feel like a man. Plus, I was terrorized for the better part of 4 years throughout high school by a gang of older boys. So I'm not comfortable around men in general whether in person or on-line. (Actually, I'm not especially comfortable around women either though. I pretty-much just keep to myself.)

This is actually my second time around here on PC. When I was here before, I used to post in the transgender forum. And I do still occasionally reply to posts there. But that forum is even deader than the men's forum at this point. So I really don't spend any time there either to speak of.

I reply to a lot of posts by new members. And occasionally there will be posts written by older men. (By the way... I'm an older man... to use the term loosely.) However, almost invariably, they never post more than their introductory thread. I guess it's just hard for men, in general, to open up... even anonymously on-line.
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Old 02-20-2018, 12:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Thanks for posting this! I have a few different problems related to the question you raise. (I will just mention that I do reply to posts in this forum when there is something specific I can offer.) I don't, however, as a rule post my own threads anywhere on PC. And most of the time, when I do, they're not about anything personal. I have posted a few personal threads in the past. But when I did I then felt so uncomfortable having them posted, I messaged the moderators asking to have my thread taken down.

The other problem I have, here in the men's forum, is that I have had a life-long struggle with gender identity dysphoria. So although I've lived a more-or-less typical male life, I don't really feel like a man. Plus, I was terrorized for the better part of 4 years throughout high school by a gang of older boys. So I'm not comfortable around men in general whether in person or on-line. (Actually, I'm not especially comfortable around women either though. I pretty-much just keep to myself.)

This is actually my second time around here on PC. When I was here before, I used to post in the transgender forum. And I do still occasionally reply to posts there. But that forum is even deader than the men's forum at this point. So I really don't spend any time there either to speak of.

I reply to a lot of posts by new members. And occasionally there will be posts written by older men. (By the way... I'm an older man... to use the term loosely.) However, almost invariably, they never post more than their introductory thread. I guess it's just hard for men, in general, to open up... even anonymously on-line.
Two things come to mind, Skeezyks. First, sorry that you had bad experiences with boys/young men. I can easily see why that might make you reluctant to share much, especially issues of the sensitive nature you might want support with.

I will say that while I can't say I have experience with the specific challenges you face, I think that we still face the challenges we do as men and as people raised as men. I think that creates some common expectations that women don't really understand as well as men do, just as men don't understand the challenges women face as well as women do. I'd guess that a lot of men can relate to the general idea that we're not extremely sure who we're supposed to be as men. We might not admit it (though I just did) but I strongly suspect that if the right question is asked, almost every man will say, "well sure, that's a pain to deal with," or "yes, I'd change that (about myself, the world) if I could. So I think there's always some common ground, and probably more than we suspect. I hope so.
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Old 03-16-2018, 07:41 AM   #5
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

I wanted to post here but I never did. Something about posting here makes me feel uncomfortable. Probably because I feel like men aren't allowed to be too emotional. I feel like other men wouldn't understand me. I feel that way around most people though.
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Old 03-16-2018, 06:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

My thought of posting here are similar to my reasons for selecting medical professionals. I would rather talk to and open up to women instead of men. I feel women are more understanding and comforting than men, I just can't discuss feelings, emotions, and physical issues with men. I also believe that I have been given much better treatment by women. In my life I have only had a few guys I can take about sensitive things with, but there are many women I can talk with.
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Old 03-25-2018, 08:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PerryJeffJoeJimBob View Post
My thought of posting here are similar to my reasons for selecting medical professionals. I would rather talk to and open up to women instead of men. I feel women are more understanding and comforting than men, I just can't discuss feelings, emotions, and physical issues with men. I also believe that I have been given much better treatment by women. In my life I have only had a few guys I can take about sensitive things with, but there are many women I can talk with.
I agree with this completely.

This strategy has also caused me tremendous problems in my relationship.

So now it's a pure catch-22. I'm going to try to open up about the things that are really wrong with me. At the same time, I hesitate to paint myself in a poor light. I hesitate to paint myself in a good light! And then paralysis.
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Old 04-04-2018, 08:55 AM   #8
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

I have a two male friends I can be 100% open with. I can call them in tears and they try to help. They do the same with me. We've been friends for 30+ years. I have no women I can do that with. I hide most of my pain from my wife as she gives me tough love solutions when I need a hug. As for posting online, I really don't have an issue opening up. I also wish there were more men on this forum to discuss things with.

I've had 3 male therapist and 3 female therapist in 30 years. Never for longer than a couple years at a time during crisis periods. I can relate to having a female therapist. I had one male therapist that I can say was good and helped me. He was a father figure to me. The female therapists I've had were more comforting and understanding. They were more of a mother figure to the 10yo scared kid inside me.

I'm 52, married with two boys and a solid job but still have a terrified 10yo kid inside me that doesn't know what to do sometimes.

I'm happy to chat hear or privately if any of you want to. We're all here to find some help and peace.
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Old 04-08-2018, 07:25 PM   #9
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. As someone who may well be a Quiet Borderline I tend to overshare as is normal with people who have BPD or a similar disorder. My oversharing is usually very detailed and in-depth as I have hangups about honesty and accuracy.
I've already sensed several times that doing this in my posts has caused a lot of people to want to avoid me and then there is the probability of Inverted Narcissism that I also suspect and feel that I have seen a lot of proof of when rereading my posts or simply posting and not reading the posts of others as though my post it the only post that matters.
I'm not always like that but, sometimes I am and it bothers me a lot.
On top of that when, I'm extremely inwardly angry or pessimistic I have personalities that blab personal thoughts and even secrets that upset me and they are so pumped when they do so, that the way I feel about it doesn't seem to matter to them or their desires to talk about it outway my desires to keep a lid on it.
Because of all of this behavior and release of information I feel that a lot of people here think that I'm totally psychotic and extremely evil.
I too find women easier to talk to about emotional things than with men. Most of my friends online are women and even in high school girls seemed to enjoy talking to me about whatever was bothering them. I'm also partial to having female dogs as pets because I believe they are more sympathetic and empathic than male dogs.
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Old 02-07-2019, 04:09 PM   #10
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Default Re: Are you comfortable opening up on this forum?

I feel safe in communities with people who share similar traits with me. we are all men. we are all going through mental health issues. those are pretty much the only reasons why I partake in this men's subforum.
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