Sick and tired of the women in my life - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-18-2019, 12:27 AM #1
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
arich62 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72

3 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Sick and tired of the women in my life

I don't even know where to start but at least I have started. I'm multiple care-taking my mom, my wife and my older sister and for each one I feel like I would like to tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.
Came on here out of desperation, I have been bottling up too much emotion. I have issues with codependency, approval addiction and sex addiction. I got myself stuck in a situation that seems to continue to be going in a downward spiral until things get better. It even feels like God has turned his back on me (even if I feel that isn't true). I am very codependent to my wife and have to do everything she tells me to do, often the wrong thing which backfires and hard enough to say no -she tells me how to take care of my sister who has several months of recovery from a MRSA infection in the hospital, my sister who is very manic - fast talking and verbally abusive.
arich62 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 03-19-2019, 10:06 AM #2
redCanine3669 redCanine3669 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 304
redCanine3669 redCanine3669 is offline
Member
redCanine3669 is fasting
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 304 (SuperPoster!)

397 hugs
given
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

i'm happy i'm not married. sorry to hear about that multiple care-taking.
redCanine3669 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-20-2019, 03:09 PM #3
livelife88 livelife88 is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: California
Posts: 5
livelife88 livelife88 is offline
New Member
livelife88 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: California
Posts: 5

1 yr Member
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

I am a codependent, people pleaser. I hate it. I cannot say no to people even if the world depended on it. I feel like other people are my responsibility even though I know they are ultimately responsible for themselves. I do not like conflict so I agree to anything to avoid conflict or someone being mad at me. I get resentful after the deed is done. I hate who I am, and the way I have been conditioned to behave.


Alot of my codependency and people pleasing habits come from my childhood abuse. Therapy seems to help, I recommend the same for you. Having a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings will help you a bit.
livelife88 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 02:24 AM #4
LifelongLoner's Avatar
LifelongLoner LifelongLoner is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 120
LifelongLoner LifelongLoner is offline
Member
LifelongLoner's Avatar
LifelongLoner It's the same old, same old. And, I do mean old!
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 120

86 hugs
given
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

I was raised to be codependent by a mother who wanted her kids to be her servants. As the oldest child, I was affected most by her actions.

I suggest you try to make some time for yourself to give yourself some distance. Take some time for yourself - go see a movie, go see a friend, take a walk in nature to clear your mind. Perhaps you could seek some caretaker advice from elsewhere on this site. There is also a 12-step program called Co-Dependents Anonymous that holds meetings and posts information you might find helpful.
LifelongLoner is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-21-2019, 10:56 AM #5
redCanine3669 redCanine3669 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 304
redCanine3669 redCanine3669 is offline
Member
redCanine3669 is fasting
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: New York
Posts: 304 (SuperPoster!)

397 hugs
given
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

"I cannot say no to people even if the world depended on it. . . I do not like conflict so I agree to anything to avoid conflict or someone being mad at me."


I feel the same way sometimes. I feel like I'm a pushover, because I want to avoid conflict. So some people take advantage of me or abuse me. It's annoying.
redCanine3669 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-22-2019, 01:33 AM #6
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
arich62 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72

3 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by redCanine3669 View Post
"I cannot say no to people even if the world depended on it. . . I do not like conflict so I agree to anything to avoid conflict or someone being mad at me."


I feel the same way sometimes. I feel like I'm a pushover, because I want to avoid conflict. So some people take advantage of me or abuse me. It's annoying.
Thank you redCanine, I can really appreciate that, you sound much like myself in dealing with codependency
arich62 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-22-2019, 01:39 AM #7
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72
arich62 arich62 is offline
Member
arich62 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA
Posts: 72

3 yr Member
3 hugs
given
Default Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

Quote:
Originally Posted by livelife88 View Post
I am a codependent, people pleaser. I hate it. I cannot say no to people even if the world depended on it. I feel like other people are my responsibility even though I know they are ultimately responsible for themselves. I do not like conflict so I agree to anything to avoid conflict or someone being mad at me. I get resentful after the deed is done. I hate who I am, and the way I have been conditioned to behave.


Alot of my codependency and people pleasing habits come from my childhood abuse. Therapy seems to help, I recommend the same for you. Having a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings will help you a bit.
Thanks! I do attend a therapy session on Tuesday and will bring up issues of codependency and the caregiving mess. I too hate it, especially when having to deal with an older sister who I allow to push me over even though she belittles me and a pathological liar. It's real frustrating and probably will end up moving to a place and state I don't like but away from the person that makes my life a wreck right now.
arich62 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 04-23-2019, 09:32 AM #8
Stuckinthemiddle123 Stuckinthemiddle123 is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Winchester
Posts: 1
Stuckinthemiddle123 Stuckinthemiddle123 is offline
New Member
Stuckinthemiddle123 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Winchester
Posts: 1

Angry Re: Sick and tired of the women in my life

Not really sick and tired of the people in my life, just their entrenched positions. I am stuck between a wife and a mother, neither liking the other.
Wife - been married nearly 30 years.
Mother - now in her 80s but still spritely. Sadly my dad died 10 years ago, so she is on her own.
On the plus side, my wife is happy for me to go visit my mother regularly. On the negative side, she won't allow her to come to our home at all. Big issue that has just arisen is that we (me, wife, kids) have booked a holiday to a destination my mother wants to go to, so she wants to come with us. My wife says I am not to even consider it, that if she (mother) comes then she (wife) will withdraw not only herself but the kids too. I have booked it all so can't cancel now and get anything back. If I decline my mother, she will hold it against me (and may remove my name from the will). If I tell my wide that my mother is coming, then I face the standoff and bad atmosphere.
Now y'all gonna say "you just need to talk to them both, reassure them both that you love them both" right? Neither of them believe they are in the wrong, so neither of them feel they need to have any conversation with me, and this is the response I get when I try to resolve this.
What do i do? If I reason that I married my wife, I have to do what she wants, then I alienate my poor widowed mother. If I side with my mother, then my wife gets the hump and refuses the holiday.
Why can't they get along? Advise me please.
Stuckinthemiddle123 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:25 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.