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Old 01-29-2020, 12:25 PM   #1
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Default Miserable in my situation

First post here. I needed a place to vent and maybe get some insight. I'm on the cusp of feeling like I need to see a therapist but haven't made the move yet.

I'm married, one boy (10). Our marriage has degraded to the point where we're roommates. We've slept separately for a few years now. I made mistakes many years ago and they have never been forgiven. Basically I got very drunk while on vacation and called her out for making me feel like I'm in a prison and for being so controlling all the time. She took that as me stating I wanted a divorce. My wife is one who never lets a grudge go. I guess I've been added to that list despite my numerous apologies and actions showing I care.

I work from home, she works a 32 hour job and then cleans 4 to 6 houses a week on the side. I make substantially more money. Her take on things is that because she cleans others houses she shouldn't have to do any cleaning at home. I'm fine with that but don't think that includes domestic duties also (cooking, dishes, helping with our son). I do everything for our household. I get up, make her lunch, make her smoothy and coffe, make our sons breakfast, get him ready for school, then I work, then cook dinner, do the dishes, tidy up the kitchen, help our son with his homework, get him his bedtime snack, make his lunch for the next day, fold the laundry I have ran during the day. Then I repeat it every work day, while she lays in bed watching TV (if she is not working a PM shift). Between this I am asked constantly to do things that make me feel like a servant (EG: grab me a water, find me the TV remote, bring me a phone charger, go buy me cake, come upstairs and get our son a water because we're in bed and I am too lazy to get up - the list goes on and on). I get frustrated by this and it shows, because it's annoying as hell.

Lately, I've been hearing from my son that he hates it when I am mad all the time (because I am always frustrated and when he asks me for something and I tell him to do it himself he overreacts as though I am furious and going to beat him.) he says I never smile and he mentioned this to his mother. So now I am being told i never smile and am always miserable and mad... It's a great environment.

I can't tell her why i am feeling this way because the fact that "She works two jobs" always gets thrown back in my face, and maybe I should try it sometime. So I just don't bother opening that can of worms because she gets pissed off.

I won't leave because my son has expressed his fear of us divorcing and to be honest I don't want to be pillaged financially by the family courts that always screw single Dads over.

So I'm stuck here, trying to deal with this **** day in and day out, and apparently I'm supposed to just grin and bear it with a smile on my face.

I plan on waiting it out until he's 18 and then getting the hell out of here. I just don't know if I can make it and I don't know how to cope.

Anyone else been through this and can offer any advice?
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Old 01-30-2020, 04:21 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Miserable in my situation

Hello UnhappyCalgary: I can't offer anything in particular with regard to your situation. But I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Relationships & Communication forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

And then here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

Dealing with Difficult Family Members: Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain | Happily Imperfect

How to Survive in an Unhappy Marriage and Thrive

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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