[jcc8377]

Hi, my partner has narcassism and I'm thinking sociopathy too. I'm not sure if anyone will reply but I was wondering if anyone who is narcassistic would be able to tell me what deeply hurts you or if someone emotionally hurt you what would it be?
My partner is just blank or so over the top and is the king of the world that it seems nothing he does or anyone close to him or strangers can affect his opinion of himself.
Basically I want him to notice me again and I feel like dirt but he is still around.
If anyone can help I would appreciate it so much. Thanks

[Rizzar]

It is quite unlikely your partner will change. You must decide what is in your best interests.

[jcc8377]

I have been thinking that too. Thank you for replying.

[Fractured Infant]

What hurts a narcissist is not giving them the attention they need and damaging their image of themselves. If my image of myself is that I am handsome and desireable and my partner gives attention to another guy and ignores me ... look out! Bad **** happens!!
I think a narcissist can change but they must come to understand that they have a problem and seek out why. Until this happens the images and ideas we create in our minds are so strong, they are impossible defences to get around.
In my case after my wife stopped giving me the attention I needed I moved out, it took another four years being apart and then her having a heart attack, almost dieing and then after all that me being a horrible person to her ... for me to final ask myself what is wrong with me? Once I asked that question the understanding came very quickly. Change is not as easy.
I think as long as you give the narc what they desire there is no reason for change. You have to do what is right for you, don't feed the dream, just don't play their game. Eventually they may come to see themselves more clearly. If my story tells anything, it takes a long time and it's not easy ... sorry!
Also you must always keep yourself safe and please don't put up with abusive behaviour, it does not help them, and you don't deserve it!
There is a lot of info on the internet for Narcissist Abuse Survivors, there are chat groups and stuff that I think can be very helpful and supportive for you. Best of luck!

[jcc8377]

Thank you for your reply. I understand what you are saying as he is exactly that. I sometimes think he is 'putting it on' and the whole narcassist thing is an excuse to get their own way and be so rude its inhumane. I feel that I need to do something back to show how it hurts and you are right in saying that they wouldn't care. What gives anyone the right to treat people so cruely and then act like nothing has happened.

I'm in the process of leaving him and I think he thinks I won't go but I am. I admit I have retaliated in the past and now I realize that this is what he thrives on.

I'll try what you suggested hopefully I can get out sooner than later.

Thanks again

[Steelcurtain43]

I am new to this site. I registered as a suggestion from my counselor. The stress was overwhelming me. The constant texts and emails. I couldn't focus at work, I was constantly afraid of what the next communication would say. I was married to a narcissist for 11 years and have been divorced for nine. I honestly didn't think being a "narcissist" was a real thing until lately. Then I started reading on it. I can tell you the marriage was full of abuse, all kinds. I kept saying I wouldn't take it forever. I prayed every which way from Sunday to make it work. One day, I asked myself "if this is as good as it gets - is it good enough?" That is when I left. The comical part of that was that I thought the abuse would stop with the divorce. We have a child in common, so it is likely it won't stop until the child is 18. Or at least lesson. I don't know that I helped you any other than to say you are not alone. I know I feel better knowing that.

[All Is Revealed]

There are several types of narcissism. Not all narcissists are the same. Some need constant attention and approval. Others are so secure, that they don't need anyone's approval.

Still, dealing with a narcissist is dangerous. At the end, only you get hurt.

[wordshaker]

Getting someone to see how they've hurt you is rational. Narcissism is not rational. It's hard to accept, but you can never make them see it and they will never care. To the narcissist all they do is make your life better and you're just ungrateful and dense. I recently left covert NPD husband after 15 years. If you don't have any kids with this man, RUN AWAY and don't look back!