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Default Mar 24, 2018 at 11:44 AM
  #1
Although I don't have NPD I was diagnosed 8 years ago with DDNOS and have 2 "parts" which I feel are (1) narcissistic and (2) antisocial.

So I've posted here before endeavoring to understand those "parts", come to terms with and integrate them.

I may be making some progress -- as I've come to a realization that "I'm evil, my family is evil, the whole planet is evil; but not entirely".

I feel very lonely with this point of view, although it feels "real". And I have fears that I would be rejected by most people if I were to express it. Lots of reasons why -- their fears of me ("I'm evil!"), their not wanting to have anything to do with someone who comes from an evil family, etc. Or maybe they don't reject me, but want to use me for their own purposes instead, given my feelings of desperation for acceptance.

Any feedback or suggestions?
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Default Mar 24, 2018 at 06:21 PM
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You are not evil and can be accepted. Feel free to add me as a friend. Also told my friend Steiger to comment as I think he can relate.
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Default Mar 24, 2018 at 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by here today View Post
Although I don't have NPD I was diagnosed 8 years ago with DDNOS and have 2 "parts" which I feel are (1) narcissistic and (2) antisocial.

So I've posted here before endeavoring to understand those "parts", come to terms with and integrate them.

I may be making some progress -- as I've come to a realization that "I'm evil, my family is evil, the whole planet is evil; but not entirely".

I feel very lonely with this point of view, although it feels "real". And I have fears that I would be rejected by most people if I were to express it. Lots of reasons why -- their fears of me ("I'm evil!"), their not wanting to have anything to do with someone who comes from an evil family, etc. Or maybe they don't reject me, but want to use me for their own purposes instead, given my feelings of desperation for acceptance.

Any feedback or suggestions?
Shut up about it! Lol Those who are evil seek to use those unsuspecting for their own gain. If you feel bad about it then don't do it. If you want to do it, shut up and do it. Don't solicitor empathy for being evil. It simply doesn't fly.
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Default Mar 25, 2018 at 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by here today View Post
Although I don't have NPD I was diagnosed 8 years ago with DDNOS and have 2 "parts" which I feel are (1) narcissistic and (2) antisocial.

So I've posted here before endeavoring to understand those "parts", come to terms with and integrate them.

I may be making some progress -- as I've come to a realization that "I'm evil, my family is evil, the whole planet is evil; but not entirely".

I feel very lonely with this point of view, although it feels "real". And I have fears that I would be rejected by most people if I were to express it. Lots of reasons why -- their fears of me ("I'm evil!"), their not wanting to have anything to do with someone who comes from an evil family, etc. Or maybe they don't reject me, but want to use me for their own purposes instead, given my feelings of desperation for acceptance.

Any feedback or suggestions?
Well good for you trying to resolve your issues! Maybe you can talk to a professional to help you with your healing. If you believe what you do, & are honest, then this is a start

Best to ya

(If not, abuse of trust is a not smart, is it? .. again,
good luck trying to sort things out! )

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Default Mar 26, 2018 at 08:08 AM
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Shut up about it! Lol Those who are evil seek to use those unsuspecting for their own gain. If you feel bad about it then don't do it. If you want to do it, shut up and do it. Don't solicitor empathy for being evil. It simply doesn't fly.
Lol. I don't think I'm soliciting empathy -- though maybe my more unconscious "evil" manipulative side is and I'm not feeling it much? Takes a more consciously antisocial person to notice it, maybe!

But shutting up about it already might be a good idea!
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Default Mar 26, 2018 at 08:13 AM
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Well good for you trying to resolve your issues! Maybe you can talk to a professional to help you with your healing. If you believe what you do, & are honest, then this is a start

Best to ya

(If not, abuse of trust is a not smart, is it? .. again,
good luck trying to sort things out! )
Thanks for the good wishes and suggestion, but years of "professional help" didn't. That's something I think is a real problem, outside myself, over which I of course have no control, of course. And not just for me but for some others. But that's a different topic.
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Default Mar 26, 2018 at 12:41 PM
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Lol. I don't think I'm soliciting empathy -- though maybe my more unconscious "evil" manipulative side is and I'm not feeling it much? Takes a more consciously antisocial person to notice it, maybe!

But shutting up about it already might be a good idea!
My apologies for the harsh tongue. "Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law".
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Default Mar 26, 2018 at 12:52 PM
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Lol. I don't think I'm soliciting empathy -- though maybe my more unconscious "evil" manipulative side is and I'm not feeling it much? Takes a more consciously antisocial person to notice it, maybe!

But shutting up about it already might be a good idea!
It helps not to become too preoccupied with the word evil. The concept as a whole as it relates to good on the other hand. It's better in my view if one is trying to self reflect and integrate, to isolate behaviors that are clearly found unacceptable by others and train yourself to express those behaviors covertly. Compartmentalization is the key here. It can be learned if not intrinsically known.
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Default Mar 26, 2018 at 04:03 PM
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My apologies for the harsh tongue. "Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law".
It's all good with me. I asked for feedback, got it, and thanks!
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Default Mar 30, 2018 at 06:30 AM
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Thanks for the good wishes and suggestion, but years of "professional help" didn't. That's something I think is a real problem, outside myself, over which I of course have no control, of course. And not just for me but for some others. But that's a different topic.
Sorry to read about "years ..professional help" (I was hoping for some for me! ) I think you got some good feedback here. There are new studies & research re: re-wiring brain, creating new networks. Maybe you can check out more (so much easier said than done tho!!!!)

I also agree re 'dismantling' the label "evil" if you want to change that about yourself. Please keep us posted with whatever works, if you find a solution
Best

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Default Mar 31, 2018 at 11:24 AM
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It helps not to become too preoccupied with the word evil. The concept as a whole as it relates to good on the other hand. It's better in my view if one is trying to self reflect and integrate, to isolate behaviors that are clearly found unacceptable by others and train yourself to express those behaviors covertly. Compartmentalization is the key here. It can be learned if not intrinsically known.
I understand compartmentalization. My question is one that I expect may sound foreign, even incomprehensible to you. But I definitely would like another perspective.

How do you avoid feeling like a bad person when you have impulses toward behavior that is found unacceptable by others and may even hurt them? For me, personally, I may not want to hurt the other person, even covertly. A matter of principle, or scruple. Or maybe, I'm talking about an internal conflict, because behaviorly I try to cut off, suppress, or deny the part of me that may want to hurt another. In the interest of conscious knowledge I no longer do that but the behavioral and emotional habits remain.

I have recently come out of my scruples somewhat and responded somewhat in kind, sometimes more directly, to my passive aggressive sister, once I identified her behavior as passive aggressive. A survival matter, as we inherited some property in common. If possible, it is better for me to continue to try to work toward common goals. And it seems she may have come to a similar assessment. Although she continues to delay and avoid and would let me do all the work, except when she wanted to voice an objection or criticism, if I would let her.

Probably, the main thing for someone like me, is to allow the selfish, survival, self-interest perspective and not depend solely on the social, religious definition of "good" and "bad".

Very hard for someone like me to do. But also, why it can be good sometimes to have perspectives from people who function differently.
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Default Mar 31, 2018 at 08:58 PM
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Hmmmm. Let me see if I can talk this one out. From a personal standpoint, I do not feel bad for doing what other people may term "bad behavior". If you feel bad, that's normal, that's your.conscience. If you encounter a situation whereby someone is forcing you to act in a certain way, then that happens according to your own tolerance. You may still feel bad afterwards but it will be justified and therefore the guilt would be blunted.
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Default Mar 31, 2018 at 08:59 PM
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Not sure if this helps but perhaps I mistranslated.
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