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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#1
Although I don't have NPD I was diagnosed 8 years ago with DDNOS and have 2 "parts" which I feel are (1) narcissistic and (2) antisocial.
So I've posted here before endeavoring to understand those "parts", come to terms with and integrate them. I may be making some progress -- as I've come to a realization that "I'm evil, my family is evil, the whole planet is evil; but not entirely". I feel very lonely with this point of view, although it feels "real". And I have fears that I would be rejected by most people if I were to express it. Lots of reasons why -- their fears of me ("I'm evil!"), their not wanting to have anything to do with someone who comes from an evil family, etc. Or maybe they don't reject me, but want to use me for their own purposes instead, given my feelings of desperation for acceptance. Any feedback or suggestions? |
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Loose Screw x 2
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Atypical_Disaster, mote.of.soul, profound_betrayal
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#2
You are not evil and can be accepted. Feel free to add me as a friend. Also told my friend Steiger to comment as I think he can relate.
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Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Hood
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#3
Quote:
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here today
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Member
Member Since Apr 2014
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#4
Quote:
Best to ya (If not, abuse of trust is a not smart, is it? .. again, good luck trying to sort things out! ) __________________ profound_betrayal fighting the unknown ... (mind ) |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
11 1,429 hugs
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#5
Quote:
But shutting up about it already might be a good idea! |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
11 1,429 hugs
given |
#6
Quote:
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profound_betrayal
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profound_betrayal
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#7
My apologies for the harsh tongue. "Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law".
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here today
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Member
Member Since Jan 2018
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#8
It helps not to become too preoccupied with the word evil. The concept as a whole as it relates to good on the other hand. It's better in my view if one is trying to self reflect and integrate, to isolate behaviors that are clearly found unacceptable by others and train yourself to express those behaviors covertly. Compartmentalization is the key here. It can be learned if not intrinsically known.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
11 1,429 hugs
given |
#9
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Anastasia~
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Member Since Apr 2014
Location: to
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#10
Quote:
I also agree re 'dismantling' the label "evil" if you want to change that about yourself. Please keep us posted with whatever works, if you find a solution Best __________________ profound_betrayal fighting the unknown ... (mind ) |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,515
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#11
Quote:
How do you avoid feeling like a bad person when you have impulses toward behavior that is found unacceptable by others and may even hurt them? For me, personally, I may not want to hurt the other person, even covertly. A matter of principle, or scruple. Or maybe, I'm talking about an internal conflict, because behaviorly I try to cut off, suppress, or deny the part of me that may want to hurt another. In the interest of conscious knowledge I no longer do that but the behavioral and emotional habits remain. I have recently come out of my scruples somewhat and responded somewhat in kind, sometimes more directly, to my passive aggressive sister, once I identified her behavior as passive aggressive. A survival matter, as we inherited some property in common. If possible, it is better for me to continue to try to work toward common goals. And it seems she may have come to a similar assessment. Although she continues to delay and avoid and would let me do all the work, except when she wanted to voice an objection or criticism, if I would let her. Probably, the main thing for someone like me, is to allow the selfish, survival, self-interest perspective and not depend solely on the social, religious definition of "good" and "bad". Very hard for someone like me to do. But also, why it can be good sometimes to have perspectives from people who function differently. |
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Member Since Jan 2018
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#12
Hmmmm. Let me see if I can talk this one out. From a personal standpoint, I do not feel bad for doing what other people may term "bad behavior". If you feel bad, that's normal, that's your.conscience. If you encounter a situation whereby someone is forcing you to act in a certain way, then that happens according to your own tolerance. You may still feel bad afterwards but it will be justified and therefore the guilt would be blunted.
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Member Since Jan 2018
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#13
Not sure if this helps but perhaps I mistranslated.
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