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Old 04-01-2018, 05:36 PM #1
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Unhappy Cant take the Abuse from Quora

All I see on Quora is how pitiful of an excuse for a human being Narcissists are. I asked if there were any conversations that didn't make us out to be baby eating ax murderers. Boy what a mistake!!

I am just so hurt by coming to the realization of who and what I am. I didn't choose not to have been given the opportunities in childhood that others got. I don't want to hurt the people around me. I don't know how to be anything other that what I am. I don't know how to fix myself. Even when you read articles by therapists they disagree on if you can even treat a narcissist.

I'm just looking for help. I am ready to admit my flaws. I want to change. I can not keep living my life this way. I don't mean anybody any harm, I don't think I am even aware of the things that I do or what the true meaning of those things are to others.

I just want to get better.
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:49 PM #2
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

Welcome. What a refreshing post.

I don't exactly have NPD but do have some characteristics like it, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to be honest, and I like others who can be, too. I'm looking for interactions with other people, where honesty and straight feedback from others is valued more highly than avoiding hurt.

I believe that's the best way for me to learn and understand things.

For instance, I'm dealing now with a situation where I was (too) honest with a group of people and now don't have those "relationships" any more. However, it had been increasingly, not decreasingly, apparent for some time that keeping those relationships meant nobody talking about conflicts. So there increasingly was not anything "there" for me, and meeting with the folks felt like a burden sometimes, even though I care about them all. And don't like that actions that seemed necessary to me probably hurt them.

I'd like to talk about it and get some feedback, to try to sort out where things were my "bad", where the situation was just difficult to impossible, etc. I doubt that I will ever get myself into a situation like that one again, but there may be others that I could be vulnerable to, so I'd like to understand this one as much as I can.

Would anything like that appeal to your? Writing about your own situation, I mean, and getting perspective and feedback? Doesn't mean the other person is necessarily "right" of course, just a difference, and therefore maybe broadening, of perspective?

Might "hurt", too, but oh well -- if the person means to hurt you, then that's on them. When I recognize that intention, then what they say doesn't bother me (very much). If the person doesn't mean to hurt you, well this kind of thing happens when people are being straight sometime. I've gotten relatively good at tolerating and sitting through hurt, learning what I can sometimes.
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Old 04-03-2018, 07:22 AM #3
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

Yes I would like to continue the conversation. I have an appointment Monday to see if the therapist I haven't seen in 2 years is willing to work with me. It's such a hassle trying to get help. The insurance companies don't want to cover any therapy that isn't for treating depression.

I read an article the other day about nietzsche's metamorphoses the camel the lion the child. It gave me hope. I was feeling like what was the point of going thru all the pain of trying to change. It took a whole lifetime to get to this point, do I want to spend the rest of my life trying to fix me??

The answer is yes! I want to live my life with childlike wonder and amazement and free of the past.
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Old 04-03-2018, 08:49 PM #4
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

My last therapist didn't help with the personality issues but did help with trauma. I didn't feel very understood by her. It got very messy at the end. So, I've wondered if people with personality disorders might be able to help each other, if we are willing to be as honest as we can at the moment (stuff may be unconscious so we can't take charge of that until it is!). And accept the other people as they are, even if/when they piss us off, etc. But it's just an idea and might not work after all.

Good luck with your appointment! Would you like to post about a struggle or situation you've got currently?
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Old 04-04-2018, 09:18 PM #5
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Confused Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

The struggle I am dealing with is I don't know who I am. I can see from articles that I have a lot of traits of narcissism. It is very painful to realize that you are self absorbed, have little to no empathy, and no longer receive joy from the things you use to or understand the purpose or motivation for your life.
I can't forgive my mother for my childhood even though I can tell myself don't blame her because maybe she only did what she knew to do because that's all she was taught. I see myself in her and I don't want to be her. Easter Sunday was not the best because I rarely spend time with her anymore since I can only tolerate small doses of her guilt trips and control and whining about situations that she creates. It has been suggested that I work things out with her, but we have 2 different views of my childhood. How do you work something out with someone who won't hold a mirror up to themselves? So am I avoiding the issues or Do I learn to forgive her and move on?

That's just a good place to start since it was so recent and since I think a lot of my problems stem from my childhood.

Thanks for asking 'here today'
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Old 04-04-2018, 10:17 PM #6
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

I can definitely identify with not knowing who I am. I may be I'm getting better, sort of. But it's taken a long time

Therapy has helped me to know myself better. But it's a very mixed bag because it has also led me to additional confusion about myself, too.

The people who trash-talk narcissists are, I think, insecure people themselves. Which may be part of the reason that bashing narcissists is gratifying to them. I'm definitely not trying to bash them! Just that they are invested in what they are saying because it's satisfying to them somehow.

I said I would offer some feedback so here it is: I think there's a difference between being self-absorbed and a being a narcissist. And the public at large and the trash-talkers may not really understand that.

There are some people diagnosed with NPD who have posted in this forum, and I have appreciated them and liked them and learned from them. And I don't think that you are one of them. I could be wrong. But have you ever been given a diagnosis of NPD?

Lack of identity -- yeah. I have that and I think a lot of people with any personality disorder can have that. Maybe you don't even need to have a personality disorder. A big problem, no question. At least it has been for me.

Your relationship with your mom. Ignore, if it doesn't feel right to you, what other people suggest that you do.

I'm currently going to meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meetings. Sounds like your family was dysfunctional, too? If you haven't heard of or looked into that organization, it might be worth a checking out as a possibility.

Hope this helps some. At least maybe it's a little different from what you were reading on Quora.
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Old 04-05-2018, 07:14 AM #7
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

I haven't been diagnosed with anything other than depression and being codependent. Have dealt with panic attacks, agoraphobia, social anxiety, a narcopath stalker ex boyfriend which caused some ptsd.

My appointment Monday, is for me, to see if this therapist is the one that will work with me or if she will refer me to another. I haven't been ready to admit my flaws and I think I am ready for a therapist who will give it to me straight.

Seeing the discussions on Quora about Narcissists, Covert especially, I have been able to see some of my traits I want to correct, but I don't know how.

Ignorance was bliss, now I see things differently.
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Old 04-05-2018, 09:33 AM #8
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

Good luck. I'm more codepenent than directly narcissisist, too. But there is that covert aspect to it.
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Old 04-05-2018, 09:52 AM #9
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

If you want to see some bad stuff about NPD you don't have to leave here, lots of "articles" about how non human NPD people are...
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Old 04-05-2018, 10:37 AM #10
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Default Re: Cant take the Abuse from Quora

Quote:
Originally Posted by -jimi- View Post
If you want to see some bad stuff about NPD you don't have to leave here, lots of "articles" about how non human NPD people are...
I think the person came to this specific forum to see if there was anybody who thought that NPD people were human. Novel idea, that, I agree.

Plenty of stuff on PC I agree, sometimes even in this forum, that seem to claim they aren't.
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