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kleanchap
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Default Apr 26, 2018 at 03:34 PM
  #1
Hello,

Recently I was try to understand someone who is very clingy, blaming me/others etc. So I started reading general literature which lead me toward Manipulative people. The more I started reading, the direction went towards Narcissist Personality Disorder. The scary thing is that I have lot of these traits in me. Lot of self reflection before I can say that "I am a Narcissist".

I know for sure that I got it from my Dad. So much of my life, I have lived with the NPD behavior and thinking. I am feeling very ashamed about this self discovery! How do I change? I do work hard and do not cheat. However, the few traits that are bother me. The "entitlement" trait makes me so complacent and stops me from learning more and doing more. I think I "know it all".

How do I change my thinking/behavior patterns for the remainder of my life?

Any advice and pointers to help is much appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Regards,

K
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Default Apr 26, 2018 at 11:27 PM
  #2
Hi kleanchap,

I'm more of a covert narcissist, overtly often the opposite, codependent.

And my personal experience has been that therapists don't really know how to help much with narcissistic disorders. I've never tried it myself -- there aren't any certified therapists near me -- but I like what I've read about schema therapy. Other, "regular", therapy hasn't helped much for me and may have been harmful. So be careful.

The important thing, I think, is to remember is that NPD usually develops as a response to an early social environment (family and parents) who didn't/couldn't help us develop "normally". Oh well, too bad, this is now. But it's not like we had a lot of other good choices way back then. We did the best we could, and continue to.

Best of luck to you!
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Default Oct 24, 2018 at 10:43 PM
  #3
The fact that you are not in denial, and that you are open to even consider yourself a narcissist, shows that you are a healthy person. A real narcissist would always shift the blame on someone else. I think you are already half-way there towards growth and improvement. But I also think having a private therapist is helpful for anyone to work on personal issues. We take care of our physical and dental health. So we could all add taking care of our mental health to the routine. I wish you the best!

Last edited by Anonymous43949; Oct 24, 2018 at 10:50 PM.. Reason: typo
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Default Oct 25, 2018 at 04:56 AM
  #4
From what I've read, narcissists often don't recognise they have a personality disorder. And if they do, they don't care about it. Because you feel so scared and ashamed of these apparent traits, and you're so open and eager to change, I really doubt you have NPD. Why do you want to change? What's scary about it?

Sometimes children of narcissists can show traits, because that's how they were raised and it's sort of a defence mechanism against the parent. But it's not "true" NPD. A lot of people have traits of narcissism (distinguished from the personality disordered version), it doesn't make them NPD. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist first before you go adopting such a serious label. I'm no psychiatrist obviously, but I think NPD of all things is one that you don't want to self-diagnose.
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Default Oct 25, 2018 at 05:45 AM
  #5
It is quite possible for narcissists to recognize that they have such a personality disorder, as HT has demonstrated. (Hat tip to HT!)

It’s important to ask why a narcissist wants to change, though. They could seek change for narcissistic reasons such as they don’t like the label, want others to like them more, or want to feel better about themselves. A non-narcissistic reason could be that they want to stop hurting others, regardless of how such a change affects their own feelings or others’ perceptions (real or imagined) of them.

It’s complicated.

Good luck!
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Default Oct 28, 2018 at 06:57 AM
  #6
I was totally shocked to see that i'm a full-blown narcissist. All i wanted was for my inner child needs to be dependent on T and discuss my little girl loneliness for a mother. But I would get angry, shouting, and accusing to T when she seemed rejecting or urging me to grow up and expand. I got rageful because my inner child was terrified of rejection and coercion. Now T has convinced me I'm a demanding, rude, sarcastic, intrusive, control freak like a typical narcissist. OK, so I see this.

I'm the opposite of a sweet lost little girl just searching for a mother figure by friending my T. Instead T informs me that I'm an intrusive, demanding, mean *****. I feel shocked and guilty, and don't know what to do. T says she doesn't hate me because it's therapy. I agree with those posting above that seeing yourself as others see you is the only way to start working on it. It isn't your fault you got narse, because it was your early parenting that did this to you. Psychiatrists explain its a way of defending yourself that needs to be modified into a better way to relate to people so they will be accepting instead of rejecting. A good therapist should be able to deal with you,and me, without excessive judgment, as this narse problem has become a major in society lately. I know, it's really hard to face the guilt and shame, that's for sure.
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Default Oct 28, 2018 at 08:15 AM
  #7
I'm not a Dr. So please dont quote me on this. From my understanding there isnt z fix for narcissism unfortunately. People with narcissism ALWAYS blame everyone else but themselves for their setbacks. Narcissism at its core is severe insecurity. People with narcissism cant accept responsibility for their flaws and bad behavior, they wont under any circumstances. With narcissism comes a lot of shame and guilt bc people with narcissism know right from wrong, they know they are shifting the blame into people who have done nothing wrong.

I think the only way to inner peace as a narcissist is to OPENLY ADMIT they have severe blaming and irresponsibility issues, this way when they act out in anger ( yes narricistic folks have a lot of anger) people might be a bit more sympathetic to your issues knowing you are fully aware of our narcissism and feel remorseful for your bad behavior. It isnt your fault, keep youself in ck when you feel the urge to be hateful.
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