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Xaldin
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Default Jul 16, 2018 at 05:32 AM
  #1
As the title implies, I think I may be a Vulnerable Narcissist...

It's strange to have such a sudden realization after clicking on a video that got my attention on FB and then to post about it on this website which I literally haven't visited in years.
The irony of it is, by doing this... I may be just feeding one of its symptoms: Self-serving attention seeking.

Despite that I do believe I still feel empathy... when it's not clouded by my negative emotions. After some consideration, if there is a spectrum for said disorder, I would likely somewhere mid-tier. While I'm self-aware and can function somewhat normally when things are fine, but when the feelings of envy, resentment, jealousy, spite, etc arise when things don't pan out for me...
when I constantly compare myself to others and go "why not me?" "why are things working for them?" "nothing goes my way it seems like, it does so easily for everyone else" "im suppose to have super high potential according to my parents, why do I struggle so much?" and so on.
Heh... I even tend to find myself constantly looking in the mirror just like the whole old myth of narcissism began.

So what does that mean then? Even if I'm self aware, can change my patterns, my behavior for the better? Or is it just too hardwired to my core? My brain? My DNA?
Will I continue to think that I should be better and get frustrated & angry when life says otherwise and I blame everything from the universe, to the people around me, to my past, to God themselves? I don't know.

I want to believe I'm not a bad person. I want to believe even though I may be sometimes self centered, that I'm still kind... or can be anyways.

Or maybe... this might just be me crying out wanting things to be different. Either way... thanks for letting me ramble. Have a nice day.

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Smile Jul 17, 2018 at 03:18 PM
  #2
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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LokisIarnvidia
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Default Aug 01, 2018 at 02:36 AM
  #3
Even if you are a narcissist, it doesn't mean you're a "bad person."
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Default Sep 25, 2018 at 05:28 PM
  #4
We all have something. It took me a long time to clear my head of all the things I found. I know it’s all still there but I can deal with it in a much more productive way. Finding out what I am was a true eye opener. Took a long time for my mind to work it all out but after the darkness cleared (became lighter) I am better off!! It’s both a blessing and a curse. We all got to this side of the street (whatever that street may be) from something in our younger years. I dealt with the pain, the imperfections and everything in between to make some headway. In no way am I perfect but at least I have become a better person.
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Default Oct 01, 2018 at 12:11 AM
  #5
Sounds positive.

I'm still working at things, from the other side of the street, mostly. But I know the "N" side, too.

I came across this tonight -- nothing to do with this forum, just my continuing struggles.

YouTube

"Self-love deficit disorder" -- and doesn't the guy look, in the video, like an "N"? All the bragging, etc.? His stuff does seem to have some merit, anyway, to me. But he's mostly still on the "All narcs are bad" train, too, ironically, if you see some of his other videos.

Gee golly whiz, "can't we all just get along"? If anybody remembers that phrase. Find our ways to the center? Which is so blankety hard for me still.

Glad in all the eye opening that you have the blessing, as well as the curse (I've certainly got mine, too), and that you could post your recent comment on the other thread. No self-love deficit disorder there!
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