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Old 03-06-2009, 01:49 PM #1
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Default Welcome to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum

Welcome to a safe place to discuss narcissistic personality disorder and related issues:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm

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Old 03-17-2009, 01:02 PM #2
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Default Re: Welcome to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum

what would be the first clue that someone might have this disorder? Is it their obvious charm or their less obvious desire to manipulate and control you... (or something else entirely?) How can I recognize people who have this disorder before I get taken again as I have been before?
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Old 03-18-2009, 03:08 AM #3
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Default Re: Welcome to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum

Manipulating and controlling is not with all narcissists. Usually, they'll have a very high self-esteem, present themselves as being better than you, and not recognizing others' emotions.

But, there are different types and so, if you know someone, could you describe them and that way it could be easier.

What you described before is more of antisocial personality disorder (APD) but could also be with certain types of narcissists.

Generally, if their game is manipulation, the best way to avoid is to either have experienced it many times or to know how to manipulate others. If you don't have experience with either, then generally it will be a too-good-to-be-true event, although this isn't always manipulation, itcould be a genuinely nice person. If their game is manipulation, do not try and play it back. They're far better than you'd be and unless they're really bad, it will get messy.
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Old 03-26-2009, 06:07 AM #4
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My daughter is narcissistic. She is 42 years old, and has been trying to run the lives of everyone in the family. She can't just be a family member, she wants to run the show. She shows all of the traits,and is very difficult to be around; has had arguements with everyone in the family, and always thinks she knows more, can do more, etc. If she gets too angry, she won't let family see her children. She did this with her oldest, now is doing the same with her 8 year old. I am getting hardened to it, and although I love the grandson, it is not worth what we go through with her. She has turned her own husband in to children's services because she was angry at him, turned her brother and his wife in to the same agency twice, kept her children from family because she wasn't allowed to run things, told my husband(her stepdad) to leave me when he was going through mid-life crisis and had an emotional affair with a woman at his work. She has been going to college to do social work with the elderly, and I am scared stiff she will steal from people. She has stolen from me, money from an employer, and from other older folks. It is a real mess. Now, my parents are having some problems with old age, and she wants to mess with them. My brother and sister and I are going to go to the law to keep her away if we have to. She hasn't seen them for 1 1/2 years, and she sees prey.
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Old 03-27-2009, 08:01 AM #5
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Attention Re: Welcome to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by GrayNess View Post
generally it will be a too-good-to-be-true event,
You hit the nail right on the head, Gray. The N seems to instinctively 'smell' the needs of others and use that to gain access to ones inner desires. Then they are able to effectively manipulate.

Something I have found useful was in another thread here... a discussion between 2 N's. They mentioned how thrilling it was to see the look of disappointment or heartbreak on the Victims face. No wonder the N's in my life have smiled at me when they caused me pain.

As always, I read and re-read Sam Valkin's FAQ's to remind myself to PAY ATTENTION to the subtile clues an N gives.

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Old 03-28-2009, 06:51 AM #6
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My great uncle who was living with my parents and was ninety years old at the time when my daughter was six years old. He was very sharp mentally, and told us that he loved to watch Daughter. She knew just exactly how to get her own way and make others miserable with her lying and manipulating. I was very young, and what he said made me angry at him. But, he was right! We had trouble with her all through school. The girl would lie about a pencil!!! I have to separate myself from her to have peace, now. Her meddling just goes on and on, if we allow it. When we don't , she won't have anything to do with us. I could write a book about all the things she has done to us and all the lies she has told. When I think back, and go through it all, it is mind boggling.
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Old 03-28-2009, 07:34 AM #7
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Default Re: Welcome to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder forum

My Therapist told me it's OK to "ban" toxic personalities from my life - even if they're close family members.
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Old 03-31-2009, 05:05 AM #8
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I'm sure the advise you got was right! Life goes along much more smoothly without being tormented. The smile gives her away, too. When she gets someone deeply hurt and stressed, she does the same thing. After all these years, I am figuring it out.
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Old 04-08-2009, 05:26 AM #9
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After talking to my sister in laws last week, I find out that daughter tried to take advantage of an elderly aunt on my husbands side about 1 1/2 to 2 years ago before the aunt passed away. She had not seen the aunt for years and wanted to go in to her assisted living home and help her go through her things. Now, I know why my daughter did not show up at the aunt's funeral. My sister in laws took care of the problem quietly because they did not want to hurt my feelings. This gal is going to be a big problem out "helping" the elderly. I know that even though she is my daughter, I am not to blame for her actions, but it still hurts.
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Old 04-17-2009, 06:49 PM #10
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N's seek out people that they can manipulate, all to late, I see that now! Unfortunatley, my codepedency helped a lot because my exhusband is an N! He has hurt many, many people who loved and cared for him in his life but he has no remorse, he says that he somehow made it up to them all...except me of course!

N's will lie and lie and lie...they will steal from you and tell you to your face that it was YOUR FAULT! N's are disturbed people and can really make you feel insane and that you are the problem.

In this case, I don't think he even knows that he is an N, but he does know that he is very dysfunctional. He never completes anything! He seems to not have a grasp of who he "really" is and what he does to people. He always has to feel better than other people and dresses the part, he only deals with professional people. He has nothing to show for 48 years of his life...no home...no car...no friends...except for our dd and he has manipulated her to believe that I am the evil one...heavy sigh!


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