[Jaredlu]

I'm in my late 20s. I feel that for the last 5 years, I have been under some kind of hypnosis, or have been blind, or delusional, or I don't know...

I don't have a mental illness, except for obsessive thoughts and anxiety. In my mind it's SUDDENLY like all of my actions during the last years were wrong. Embarrassing. Shameful. Regretful.

During this time, it didn't feel this way. Heck, two months ago it didn't feel this way. The wrong things made me feel happy: casual sex, attention, oversharing on social media, crudeness, extremities. It was who I was back then and it's suddenly like I'm not that person anymore?

I emotionally hurt some people that I can never make amends with. Now I look back and I want to erase it all. Feelings of embarrassment and regret are suddenly rushing in. I feel I am a terrible person that doesn't deserve to be happy and is forever tainted. And the worst thing is, I am afraid that even if I fix my life and live humbly, the past will come back to ruin it all, because so many people know how terrible I am.

Maybe it isn't as bad as I feel it, but I do feel it. Even posting this makes me feel horrid.

Can anyone help?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Jaredlu: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Actually I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm an old man now. But this is the story of my life. (I'll spare you the details!) Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives that hopefully may be of some help, the first 2 by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

Guilt: Why Do I Feel Guilty? - Psych Central

5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt

How to Cope with Pain from the Past

How to Sit with Painful Emotions

Stop Beating Yourself Up: 8 Tips to Overcoming Remorse

You might also take a look at this web page regarding a practice that is referred to as compassionate abiding:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

My best wishes to you...

[Jaredlu]

Thank you, Skeezyks. I will look through each link.

I'm scared. My mind is blowing everything out of proportion and developing scenarios which I pray to never happen. Looking through other stories of people, they all seem so innocent, so justified, so... overcome-able. I feel like mine is the worst and most unforgivable, even though my reason tells me it's not.

I look at some people and envy how pure and innocent they are. I know I will never be able to be, with that black spot in my life...