Thinking about the obsessions

Just sorting my thoughts out.

This current obsession is exactly like the old one, but just a different object. It's following the same pattern. Started with just being obsessed but at an acceptable level, like I could be obsessed with anything, but then it got more intense. Then the jealousy started. Then the negative daydreams started where I'm abusing the object or it gets damaged by someone else in some way. These go through a series of "themes" too.

Well this obsession has gone through the same stages and themes as the old obsession and now it's onto the last part. Or at least this was the last part of the old obsession before I moved onto this new one. It has moved a LOT faster than the last one though. The last one went on for almost 4 years. This one started in May this year, and is already in what I think is the final stage now. It has only just moved into this stage though, so has a while to go.

I'm really hoping this is the final stage and once it's over, the obsession will end. But maybe not. It might go on for longer. Or if it does end, I'll just become obsessed with something else stupid. I wish I could be obsessed with something acceptable, something I can easily buy or do, something I don't have to hide and be ashamed of.

I've learnt that I can't force these obsessions to end, they have to run their course until they move onto another object/subject and start again. There is no point in trying to pretend I don't like these things.

I have to admit, when I was in the thick of the last obsession, I thought that it couldn't get any worse, or anywhere near as bad as that. I thought whatever I would become obsessed with next would be welcome - "Anything but this!". But I never imagined it would be what it is. I have never ever had even the slightest interest in them before this obsession started. I think they are just as bad as the last obsession objects. I'm just wondering what it could possibly be next, because I don't choose them.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this... & hope that, in some way, you can find a path to deep peace within...

Well I still have this obsession. I was hoping it was onto the last stage now and would finish soon. But it hasn't yet. I've also been wondering if I even want it to change? I don't feel like this one could end without another one taking it's place, and it could be something worse. This one is bad enough, but it could be worse.

I don't even have a choice anyway. It will end when it's finished, and until then, I just have to go along with it. And then I'll have to go along with whatever the next object is. But I am going to try to stop it if I can. I didn't realise this was a new obsession when it started or I would have tried harder to say NO to it.