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Old 03-22-2019, 10:07 AM #1
Dust to Dust Dust to Dust is offline
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Default OCD or Victim

Since I was about 3 I have had constant flashbacks of being sexually abused. Things I remember are a long hallway with a room at the end, a small twin bed, a barbie nightgown, a school bus, and a different bedroom in a separate apartment. I remember touching myself every night until I was raw. I remember porn. I remember thoughts of being raped, thoughts of pregnant women being raped. I remember thoughts of being trapped somewhere, where the floor was below my torso and someone was touching me from underneath. I have had weird, intrusive thoughts and have always thought I was sexually abused when I was younger. My mother brought me to a doctor when I was 3 and they couldnít find evidence of penetration. I remember that visit and the cold table and sheet.

Itís been awhile since Iíve been on here. I just got put on fluoxetine for anxiety, ocd and depression. I also just started therapy...Iím already wanting to find a new therapist but thatís for another post. Every time I think about being raped I get anxiety and start picking my face apart, specifically my chin. It started with one hair on the middle of my chin which I would use a tweezer to pluck. It gradually has progressed to my left bottom side of my chin and neck where the thought of any hair makes me anxious. I feel and pick and pull. My chin is constantly bruised, infected and sore and ugly. Iíve never really thought much of it but people have noticed my behaviours. My hand is always at my chin. Sometimes my fingers cramp and get numb from all the pulling and when I get a hair I massage it in between my fingers and it gives me some relief. My partner knows about it. Iím actually pretty sure she threw my tweezer out. People at work notice me doing it, my mother used to scold me for it. If I donít pick my chin, then I bite my lip until a bump forms or I pick my fingers until they bleed. I also pick the back of my scalp.

Lately..and well my main question is.. Because I have no exact memory of being sexually abused..and it seems to be flashbacks that have existed for most of my life, can this be OCD. Maybe I never was sexually abused at all. Has this been a lie my whole childhood. I even went to college to help children who have been sexually abused, which has proven to be too much for me to handle..it gives me extreme anxietyÖ but is this just my mind playing tricks. Can OCD be sexual intrusive thoughts mimicking being abused? Does anyone else think this way?
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Old 03-22-2019, 09:33 PM #2
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Default Re: OCD or Victim

I wouldnt think so. If you were having those flashbacks at 3 I would believe them.
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