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BestSelection
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Default Jul 20, 2019 at 04:42 AM
  #1
First off I have nothing against transgender people at all.

Little bit of background:

I’ve been aroused by body swap/gender transformation stories for some time now. Most of these stories in my adult life deal with weight gain from female to female transformation or male to female(I have an interest in larger women). I remember when i was younger (i’m 23 now) I would wish i was a girl a couple times or picture i was a woman i found attractive. I’ve never identified as a woman and i’ve always been comfortable being a man. I read stuff online in forums that if you have this sort of fetish for gender swap (usually magic stories) of males changing into females then you are transgender. And this typically freaks me out because like I stated, I feel comfortable with my body, and I have a girlfriend and am sexually active. I’ve also never cross dressed before either or have done this in the bedroom. I keep questioning everything in my life and idk if that is a symptom of OCD. I can barely sleep and I feel like i’ve become psychosomatic now because the more i look at forums seeking reassurance that i am not transgender, I feel like I could be (if that makes any sense). I would appreciate any help or guidance I just have been constantly stressed out about this for a month, intrusive thoughts about this daily. Thank you.
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Smile Jul 20, 2019 at 02:37 PM
  #2
Hello BestSelection: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm not familiar with these gender swap stories you've referred to. However, as a person who has struggled with his gender identity his entire life, I have to tell you I think you'd know if you were transgender. I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't tell you, with any authority, what this is all about. However my suspicion is it may have to do mostly with anxiety.

You mentioned questioning everything in your life & wondered if that might be a symptom of OCD. I can't tell you that. (Perhaps other members will have some insights into this they can share.) However here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of OCD. The article provides links to a number of additional articles on the subject including a link to PC's OCD quiz:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) | Psych Central

Also here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, from PC's archives. The person who wrote the letter is a 14 year old girl. So the details are different. But I think the therapist's response is apropos:

Fear of Possibly Becoming/Wanting to Be Transgender - Ask the Therapist

Anyway... I hope you find PC to be of benefit. From my perspective, I believe you can rest assured... you're not transgender.

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BestSelection
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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 12:05 PM
  #3
Thank you for your response.

I hope that it’s the case. I’m just really getting psychosomatic and idk if it’s real or not. Also, i’m confused when i look at a girl if i want to be them or have sex with them. I also don’t know if the information i read from forums is messing with my head or not as well.
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Smile Jul 21, 2019 at 07:28 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by BestSelection View Post
Thank you for your response.

I hope that it’s the case. I’m just really getting psychosomatic and idk if it’s real or not. Also, i’m confused when i look at a girl if i want to be them or have sex with them. I also don’t know if the information i read from forums is messing with my head or not as well.
You mentioned, in your original post, that you'd "read stuff online in forums that if you have this sort of fetish for gender swap (usually magic stories) of males changing into females then you are transgender." Personally I think that's an oversimplification. Yes perhaps some people who are trans like to watch these gender swap stories. But I simply can't believe that, just because a person happens to like watching gender swap stories, that makes them transgender. To say something like that, to my mind, makes light of a very complicated & difficult experience.

You also wrote, in your original post: "I remember when i was younger... I would wish i was a girl a couple times or picture i was a woman i found attractive." I don't know how old you were when this occurred. But I don't think it's unusual for people particularly in their teenage years to wonder what it might be like to be the opposite gender. If you had found yourself repeatedly having these kinds of thoughts, then... well... yes... maybe. But not just a couple of times. Plus if you never cross-dressed, played with make-up, & that sort of thing, I don't see that having thoughts a couple of times about what it would be like to be female, or to be a particular woman you found attractive, makes you transgender.

In your reply, you wrote: "Also, i’m confused when i look at a girl if i want to be them or have sex with them." Okay, now, this is something I can relate to. One of the most confusing aspects of my gender dysphoria experience has been that I've always been decidedly heterosexual based on my biological gender (male.) My gender dysphoria would have made a lot more sense to me if I had been gay. However, because I was both gender dysphoric and heterosexual I also always struggled with, when I looked at a girl, if I wanted to be them or have sex with them. So that can be, at least based on my own experience, a real transgender concern.

You wrote you've always felt comfortable with your body, you have a girlfriend and you're sexually active. It is certainly possible to have a girlfriend (or even be married with children) & be sexually active & still be transgender. But if you're comfortable with your body then, again, I don't see this adding up to you being transgender. However, being transgender certainly can be confusing. I know that for a fact. So if this is something that is going to continue to eat at you, the best course of action may be to find a mental health therapist you can work through this with preferably one who is at least familiar with gender identity issues. It may well be that the real concern here is not so much whether you are or aren't transgender, but rather the anxiety that all of this is producing as your thoughts about it continue to rattle around in your mind. Talking it all through with a skilled therapist may be the best way to put it to rest one way or the other.

There is one other thing I want to just touch on briefly. In years past, it used to be that gender identity was thought of as being a binary. A person was either male or they were female. Today we think of gender identity as being more of a continuum with male & female being at the opposite ends of the spectrum. And the reality is that few of us are actually 100% one way or the other. Most of us fall somewhere in between. So, from that perspective, the question may not be do you "want" to be female. The question may be more is the percentage of you that is male high enough, & the percentage of you that has feminine attributes (for lack of a better term) small enough that you're comfortable remaining in your male social role. And, based on what you've written here, I would suspect the answer to that would be it is.

P.S. Should you want to "talk" about this further, I'm always available via personal message.

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Last edited by Skeezyks; Jul 21, 2019 at 07:44 PM..
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Default Aug 02, 2019 at 07:39 AM
  #5
Hey, i'm currently dealing with the same thoughts and fears, it could be ocd, did this idea totally appeared from nowhere one day and caused huge anxiety and distress? are you obsessing 24/7 about that ? are you again and again trying to compare yourself, imagining yourself as the other gender and as yours to figure out what you feel inside, and/or trying to find help and reassurance online for example?
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Default Aug 02, 2019 at 09:32 AM
  #6
As someone who both suffers from OCD and believed they were transsexual once, I can almost certainly guarantee you it's just OCD giving you these doubts.
Especially if this is a fetish thing for you, and you are comfortable with your own sex. If you had some real gender dysphoria you'd most likely feel very different about it.
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BestSelection
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Default Aug 16, 2019 at 05:03 PM
  #7
Thanks for all your help. It’s hard because my girlfriend is long distance, and i’ve cheated with her on other women in the past. I feel like it’s also matriculated into HOCD and it’s horrible.

I feel like my tocd as a whole is getting worse as well. I feel so withdrawn and don’t know what’s real or what’s not. i have trouble sleeping and i’m so worried i have a hidden desire to be trans gender. I’ve never been worried about how my voice sounds and now i’ve been paying so much attention to it. My body feels so out of place like i feel uncomfortable. My mind thinks about this 24/7 and i can’t get it out of my head. I just want to feel like i did before all this, a couple weeks before my girlfriend left for home. When she was here my intrusive thoughts stopped for the most part until a couple of days before she left.

Any ideas? Could i possibly be trans? I don’t want to be trans at all I like being a man but i’ve found i can’t find joy in anything i liked before and it’s sickening.

Have any of you gotten help? What should i do?
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Smile Aug 19, 2019 at 05:23 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by BestSelection View Post
Thanks for all your help. It’s hard because my girlfriend is long distance, and i’ve cheated with her on other women in the past. I feel like it’s also matriculated into HOCD and it’s horrible.

I feel like my tocd as a whole is getting worse as well. I feel so withdrawn and don’t know what’s real or what’s not. i have trouble sleeping and i’m so worried i have a hidden desire to be trans gender. I’ve never been worried about how my voice sounds and now i’ve been paying so much attention to it. My body feels so out of place like i feel uncomfortable. My mind thinks about this 24/7 and i can’t get it out of my head. I just want to feel like i did before all this, a couple weeks before my girlfriend left for home. When she was here my intrusive thoughts stopped for the most part until a couple of days before she left.

Any ideas? Could i possibly be trans? I don’t want to be trans at all I like being a man but i’ve found i can’t find joy in anything i liked before and it’s sickening.

Have any of you gotten help? What should i do?
I'm sorry I only just now saw your reply. (I don't subscribe to the threads I reply to.) You asked if you could possibly be trans. Sure I suppose that's possible. But that's something you would probably need to delve into with the help of a gender therapist. You also mentioned HOCD. So my non-professional impression is that you may have several things going on here, trans OCD, HOCD, anxiety, etc. & it's all sort-of twisted together into this knot of confusion.

Personally I really think what's called for here is some in-depth work with a mental health therapist, preferably one who is knowledgeable with regard to these sorts of issues. It's going to take time & work to unravel all of this & figure out what it means for you. I can relate to it because I've had a similar struggle my whole life. I did see a gender therapist for a brief time. And it was SO comforting to be able to talk about things I had kept hidden my whole life. I don't know how else one tackles something like this.

I suppose other options might include reading some books or watching some YouTube videos on the transgender experience. You could also go on one of the trans forum websites such as Susan's Place or TransPulse & read posts there & communicate back-&-forth with other trans people & see how that makes you feel. My concern with regard to that approach is that you may not learn anything you don't already know & it may inflame your trans OCD.

It occurs to me that what you're experiencing really may have little or nothing to do with being trans or gay & everything to do with having OCD. And possibly being transgender, as well as sexual orientation concerns, are simply the hooks your OCD happens to have hung its hat on, so to speak... if it wasn't for that it would be something else. And so, from that perspective, what may be important here is not to worry so much about whether or not you are trans but rather to do what you need to do to address your OCD-like tendencies. And then once you can address these tendencies you'll perhaps be in a better place to figure out if you still have transgender feelings or if, as I wrote before, being trans was simply what your OCD happened to lock onto. Does that make sense or am I just aimlessly rambling? (I'll try to keep better track of your thread so that, if you reply again I won't be so late in responding.)

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)

Last edited by Skeezyks; Aug 19, 2019 at 06:40 PM..
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