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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 02:58 PM
  #1
Hello. I think I've had OCD from 4th grade, (I'm 50 now). It's come and gone throughout the years, (and sometimes seemed to go away entirely during certain periods of my life) but the OCD-like behaviors have been bad for many years now. For example, my dear sister, her boyfriend and my niece and nephew are driving up to visit us(me, Dad, and Stepmom) and will be here in 2 hours. I'm panicking because although on one level I'm thrilled and so happy to see them, on another level my mind is screaming "No!!! I can't deal with the cleaning fallout from this visit!!!" I'll be OK while they are here(as ok as I can be), but when they leave I will have to Windex "my" chairs (they are outside chairs that can be wiped down) if anyone sits on them, then put my clothes in the laundry basket and take a major shower(because of the touching~hugs and kisses) and then do it again tomorrow morning if they come over for breakfast. I love them but this is hard...
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Default Nov 29, 2019 at 04:11 PM
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Welcome to PC, Return. I'm glad you're here, and I hope you look around on some of the boards and such. What you've described could be OCD...but there also might be something else going on. Whatever the case, the behaviors you feel compelled to act on sound frustrating, for sure. I hate the idea that you will live the rest of your life with such challenges.

Have you ever consulted a mental health professional?

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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 03:23 AM
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
Welcome to PC, Return. I'm glad you're here, and I hope you look around on some of the boards and such. What you've described could be OCD...but there also might be something else going on. Whatever the case, the behaviors you feel compelled to act on sound frustrating, for sure. I hate the idea that you will live the rest of your life with such challenges.

Have you ever consulted a mental health professional?
@BethRags

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind response to my post. I have a long history of mental illness, and I see a PsychPA and a counselor right now. I was diagnosed with 'Severe Bipolar Disorder' but she didn't specify 1 or 2 to me, so I will ask her on Monday so I have a correct answer for myself and those who ask me. Now that I think about it, I think I had been on Luvox for I think at least 10 years to help with OCD symptoms(and maybe depression, I don't know), so maybe I was diagnosed with OCD at some time. (I can't even remember why I've been on different meds over the years.) I've seen so many different psychiatrists over the years that I don't even remember what all their diagnoses were either, but I think they weren't always the same.

My PsychPA talks about getting me back on Luvox, so I think she thinks I have it, but we're not dealing with that right now that much because we're focusing on my main concern, which is maintaining my relationships with my family and the world: medication to help with Bipolar Disorder symptoms. I have paranoid thinking(I think it's paranoid delusions, but I'll check with her on Monday so I know what I'm saying.) that people(especially my loved ones) are deliberately being uncaring or hurtful to me (and I know they aren't when I'm thinking clearly), and I respond in a way that I think is hurting my relationships and adding stress to our household which I don't want to do because of my Dad's failing health. I want to be a help to him and not a hinderance. Thank you so much for listening...

Last edited by Return To Sender; Nov 30, 2019 at 03:30 AM.. Reason: Tried to do the quote and mention right.
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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 10:30 AM
  #4
Aw, you're so welcome.

I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 1; I have paranoia and I've had mild OCD since I was a child. I used to think of the OCD as a separate disorder, but I've found that many people with BD have OCD symptoms. Now I consider the OCD symptoms as part of the BD, since OCD is an anxiety disorder, and since it is a type of paranoia.

Since you're on an anti-depressant and have BD, are you also on a mood stabilizer and/or antipsychotic?

I know how it is to take care of an ailing parent; I took care of my mom for several years before she passed.

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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 10:35 AM
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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
Aw, you're so welcome.

I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 1; I have paranoia and I've had mild OCD since I was a child. I used to think of the OCD as a separate disorder, but I've found that many people with BD have OCD symptoms. Now I consider the OCD symptoms as part of the BD, since OCD is an anxiety disorder, and since it is a type of paranoia.

Since you're on an anti-depressant and have BD, are you also on a mood stabilizer and/or antipsychotic?

I know how it is to take care of an ailing parent; I took care of my mom for several years before she passed.
Hi @BethRags ! I loved your post! I connected to so much of it!! I was fascinated by what you said you consider your OCD symptoms a part of Bipolar Disorder(BD) because of the anxiety disorder/type of paranoia connection! Wow! Maybe that's why my PsychPA, no matter how much I tell her about my OCD symptoms, although she does want to put me back on Luvox to help me with that, she never says that she diagnoses me with OCD. She sticks with Severe Bipolar Disorder. I trust her judgment! I'm going to look at it that way from now on too unless I'm told otherwise by my PsychPA! I feel like a missing piece of the puzzle was just given to me, so thank you!!

P.S. I started OCD symptoms in 4th grade and it was terrible....because I was young and had no understanding of why I was acting "crazy". I was always afraid of going insane as early as I can remember! I heard something once that really resonates with me, that OCD is a way to try to have some control in a world that is out of control(or something like that). I take it to mean your own personal world is out of control, where things are either chaotic where you can't make sense of it, or you feel like you have no control, or both. Gosh, it's upsetting to me to even write about it!
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Default Nov 30, 2019 at 03:05 PM
  #7
My story is strikingly similar. I was dx'ed with BD in my early 30's (I'm 56 now). All along, I kept mentioning that I needed treatment for OCD. Every pdoc I'd tell would just ignore me. Finally a pdoc I had a few years ago explained to me that it's likely the OCD symptoms are an aspect of BD. Made perfect sense to me.

btw, my OCD/severe anxiety and depression symptoms started when I was in 4th grade, too. I never mentioned it to anyone because I was so scared (which is, of course, an aspect of depression/anxiety).

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