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Kimi9700
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: India
Posts: 3
3 yr Member
Confused Feb 23, 2020 at 09:36 AM
  #1
Can anyone relate to this? I have read so much about hocd, bisexuality, sexual fluidity etc. that the more I obsess and read about it, the more I feel I must be bisexual. This thing started half an year ago when I found a androgynous woman very attractive on a tv show. It was probably because the person looked like a typical k-pop guy, the type of men I find attractive, something's irked me because the person was a woman. I think something clicked that moment. Then a month passed and because I was mostly at home because of holidays and busy with stuff, it kind of got erased. Then a week after classes started, I suddenly found a new girl attractive. My reaction went like, '**** I think this must be a different kind of like, I knew it I must like girls now!' So I watched her for a long time even I knew I was freaking out. This happened few more days, and then I felt extreme discomfort and hyper aware when I talked with her few times. I went back home thinking does this I mean actually enjoyed the conversation? From then I didn't even need to check whether I found her hot or not, it just automatically came to me!These days I am thinking maybe I never actually 'checked out of fear' but that I naturally found her hot(because I am suddenly bisexual, on the account of sexual fluidity) and then freaked out. From then I either stared at random women on street, or would think/find them hot. It struck me I might be bi, but then somehow I started believing I was gay and started getting groinal response and what not. But now I have come to the conclusion I could be bi all along! Does this mean I am actually sexually fluid? Maybe I really find women's body really hot even more than men? I keep thinking about the same thing everyday 24/7, every thought feels extremely real, and most importantly sometimes when I have these thoughts I have 'feelings' that I can only indicate me liking women. Maybe it happened from day 1 only. Now I might feel false attractions because I obsess all the time, but that obsession was not there from day 1. WHY did I get a real type of feeling (liking a girl) then? This must mean something. Few days ago, when I rationalized I must be bi(before I thought I was gay) I felt relieved that I still like men, that made me happy, I am not sure how but I had a euphoric feeling and felt uncontrollably happy and the whole time I felt I must be happy becauase I accepted myself as bi! Everything is so weird these days, and it even scares me I that I might accept myself as bi! I used to enjoy lgbtq themed books very much.Maybe that has turned me fluid? !
Sorry this post got so long and for being so, confusing. This is my state of mind right now.
Please tell me if anyone can relate. I don't want to think of these things. I just want to go back to my normal self and be in peace.
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Thanks for this!
Skeezyks

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Skeezyks
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Smile Feb 24, 2020 at 05:44 PM
  #2
I don't have anything to offer with regard to this. Perhaps there will yet be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share. I simply wanted to let you know I read your post. And I wish you well...

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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OCD Girl
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Default Apr 20, 2020 at 05:45 AM
  #3
I have Sexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder too. I was freaked out that I might be bi because I found a girl pretty and had a groin response and it FREAKED ME OUT. My brain played tricks on me all the time. But the truth is, we are not our feelings or obsessions. It’s just a trick your brain is playing on you. If you don’t want to be bi and just want all of this to go away, you’re not bisexual—you just have OCD. Hugs. I know how scary this is.
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