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Cjx432
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Trig Feb 24, 2020 at 07:11 PM
  #1
Hi

Let me start by prefacing that this is my first post. 20 male I'm not sure if this is the right place to post. Sorry if it isn't

I'm currently in distress right now. I've got nowhere to be heard except for these kinds of forums. Throughout these months I've been dealing with what I suspect is POCD, or pedophile obsessed ocd as it's not formally diagnosed. As a result, I started medication and was actually doing pretty good. However, there is something that doesn't let me live freely. TRIGGERING CONTENT AHEAD

Possible trigger:


However, I cant really remember what happened. I cant remember if I committed a crime or if I intended to do so. Every time I remember more or less and the story changes every time. I'm currently under heavy anxiety and dont know what to do. Im feeling suicidal. I'm sure I didn't do anything, but I wish I could time travel and remember if I would've actually committed a crime or if I did.

Whenever a child is in my presence, my movements are methodical and robot like. I start to feel faint and be super conscious about something, weather its breathing or eating. I feel compelled to notice a child or their body. It feels like my brain is its own entity with it's own needs. I've posted to countless forums waiting for an answer but I'm still not sure.

I dont masturbate when I notice a child or teen, it actually causes anger and distress. I've had fantasies that are inappropriate before but they never work, and if they do, I end up getting semi erect. I use this as proof to determine that I'm a pedo or not.

That being said I've never had fantasies regarding children or teens before this so I dont understand why its here or whh right now.

I need you guys to be honest. Should I turn myself over to the police? Be blunt.

Last edited by bluekoi; Feb 24, 2020 at 08:40 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. Apply trigger code.
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Default Feb 24, 2020 at 08:47 PM
  #2
Hello Cjx432. Welcome to Psych Central!


You say you started medication. Have you and your doctor discussed why you feel distressed?
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Smile Feb 25, 2020 at 08:57 PM
  #3
Hello Cjx: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

At the end of your post, you asked if you should turn yourself in to the police because you are concerned over something that may or may not (most likely did not) happen at a Christmas party. My personal opinion would be, no, there's no reason for you to be turning yourself in to the police over this. I do think, though, that some mental health therapy services may be important. I know you wrote you're on medication. But my personal non-professional opinion would be the long-term solution may be mental health therapy services with a provider who is knowledgeable & experienced in working with people who have POCD.

What you described in your post all just sounds to me like what people with POCD experience. You also mentioned you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. So I thought I would provide you with links to the following 3 articles from Psych Central's archives. The first article describes what a person who is struggling with POCD experiences & does it, to my mind, well. The second article discusses Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) therapy for OCD. And then the third article offers tips for surviving suicidal thoughts:

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

ERP Therapy: A Good Choice for Treating OCD

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this & hope that coming here to PC can be of benefit.

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sarahsweets
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Default Feb 27, 2020 at 05:25 AM
  #4
Can someone shed some light on what POCD is?

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